


Without Me

by Poesjewel



Series: Lily Amell [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Comics), Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Consensual Kink, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Kidnapping, Light Angst, Mild Language, Minor Character Death, Minor canon divergence, Miscarriage, Sexual Content, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-16
Updated: 2019-06-30
Packaged: 2019-10-11 05:32:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 50
Words: 70,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17440883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Poesjewel/pseuds/Poesjewel
Summary: Heartbroken after being dumped by the man she made King, Lily Amell proceeds to Vigil's Keep to oversee the transfer of the arling to the Grey Wardens.  How far will Anora go to take back what she believes is hers?  Can Alistair finally grab hold of his own destiny?  Will Anders ever trust anyone enough to fall in love?  Can Lily truly move on, or will she forever be tied to the politics of Ferelden?  Perhaps, we are as haunted by our good deeds as the bad ones; and, telling one from the other, is all a matter of perspective.





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> This short story takes place immediately after Origins, in the DLC Awakening. I try to recreate as little of the game as possible, and even omit characters/events entirely to focus on a smaller group surrounding the main story. Mostly humor and fluff, with a small amount of angst, kidnapping, drugging, mild violence, language, implied rape, suicide, miscarriage, and sexual content.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amell, Leliana, and Zevran leave Denerim, amidst Alistair's coronation, and head for Vigil's Keep to claim the arling for the Grey Wardens.

It felt like a consolation prize, _Warden-Commander_.  All she wanted was to be _his_. It was what he wanted as well, before she put that stupid crown on his head.  Suddenly, appearances and the expectations of others were what mattered most. _What a hypocrite_ , Amell thought to herself. Her last words to him rang in her head like a gong, over and over. _"You hid being the heir from me because you didn't want me to treat you differently. Now, here you are, suddenly treating me differently because you're the heir."_   If she had known he would do this, she might have told Morrigan to forget the ritual that saved her life.  Being consumed by the Old God soul inside of the archdemon seemed preferable right now. Perhaps, that decision had changed her and Alistair, both.

She didn't stay for the celebrations and His Royal Majesty's coronation, opting to head directly to Vigil's Keep with Leliana and Zevran, in order to oversee the transfer of the arling to the Grey Wardens.  The Warden was unnaturally quiet the entire trip, and everyone knew why, though no one would dare mention his name. They were angry with him too. He had hurt their best friend, their savior, the only reason any of them still lived.  Alistair had broken a promise, and they all felt the weight of his betrayal.

The night before they were to reach Vigil's Keep, the three of them sat by the fire and told stories, as they had done before the archdemon was slain.  Leliana and Zevran shared their dashing and dangerous spy tales, as Amell sat enraptured, relieved to be concentrating on anything besides her broken heart.  Leiliana would sing, and Zevran would drink until he offered to soothe the Warden's sorrow in his tent, and was expectedly rebuffed. Not that she wasn't tempted, Amell just couldn't entertain the thought of being close with anyone like that right now, not even just for fun.  The was no joy in remembering what was stolen, and that's what every touch from someone else would do, with a wound so fresh.

"Thank you both for coming with me.  It isn't your duty, and I know you each have matters of your own you'd like to attend to.  It would have been a very lonely journey without you." Amell told her companions.

"Think nothing of it," said Leiliana.

"It is always our pleasure," assured Zevran.  "Wherever you need us, we'll be there."

"I appreciate that.  Once we reach the keep, you're free to go on your way.  I doubt you will have any fun hanging around the keep."  

Leliana and Zevran exchanged a concerned glance, but said nothing.  Anxious about their arrival tomorrow, and feeling oddly on edge, Amell turned in early.  As he always did, the Warden's mabari hound laid down in front of his master's tent and made himself comfortable.  

Zevran sat next to Leliana and offered her some of his brandy.  "Even my jaded little heart is broken."

"I wish there were something we could do," Leiliana whispered.

"Well, she won't let me stab him, and she won't let me pleasure her.  I'm afraid I'm all out of ideas." Zevran insisted.

"Surely, he will come around, no?"

"It may be too late for that, I suspect.  The words were already spoken."

"But, they were unthinking words.  Alistair is good at that. Soon, he'll realize, he cannot live without her."

"Ah, but he has taken her love for granted, no?  Our Warden is not likely to give him that opportunity twice."

Leliana shook her head.  "First Cullen, now Alistair.  Both fell in love with her, knowing what she is, and then both men rejected her for it.  It's absolute madness. She's just so... _above_ them. Real kings don't even deserve her, yet Alistair has the gall to look her in the face and claim to be better, and she put him there!"

"Indeed," Zevran agreed.  "Even if she weren't stunning, which she undoubtedly is, the woman actually saved the world.  She made saviors out of assassins, for goodness sake."

"One of them even being sent to kill her!"  Leiliana laughed and elbowed Zevran, the aforementioned unlucky assassin.  

Zevran winced.  "He'll come running back.  He can't put his boots on the right feet without her."

Leiliana took his brandy and drank the last of it.  "Of that, I have no doubt. However, she will not make it easy on him.  Some wounds must be ripped open and exposed to the light before they can be healed."


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Warden arrives to find the keep is in worse condition than she imagined. She finds an old friend, and makes some interesting new ones.

Though she had retired early in the evening, Amell appeared exhausted still the next morning as they packed up to leave.  She brushed off her companions' concern. "Nightmares," she said. It was the truth, though they didn't seem to accept it as so.  She had dreamt not of heartache, but darkspawn. Something that had not occurred since she had slain the archdemon weeks ago. It unnerved her, and she began to seriously worry what condition the former traitorous arl, Rendon Howe, had left the keep in.  In the small village just outside of the keep, the trio was met by a single Grey Warden Initiate, Mhairi. They were underwhelmed, to say the least.

"No parade?  No fancy soldiers in shiny armor?  No free-flowing drinks and eager women?  This is most depressing." Zevran complained aloud.

"My apologies, Warden-Commander.  An entire regiment was to join me here yesterday, but they never arrived."  The initiate informed them.

"This is not good," Leiliana asserted.

"Why can't we ever arrive somewhere and have everything just be normal?"  The Warden asked, annoyed.

The closer they got to the keep, the tighter the knots contracted inside the Warden's stomach.  There was no mistaking it now, she sensed darkspawn, a lot of them. As they approached the front gates, a bloodied soldier came running toward them, followed by several darkspawn hurlocks.  The Warden pulled her staff and sent a wave of force toward the gates, knocking those darkspawn closest to the soldier to the ground. She swirled her hands in front of her and a blizzard formed around them, freezing the darkspawn in place while Zevran sliced them in twain.  It was impossible to deny she enjoyed this, and a wicked smile perched on her face. Things seemed simple when all she had to think about was killing darkspawn.

Mhairi helped the soldier to his feet.  "What happened here?"

"Darkspawn!  They came up from the tunnels!  Hordes of them!" The soldier screamed, out of his mind with terror.  "There were others, behind me! Then, I don't know, they were just gone!"

"This makes no sense," Leiliana said.  "I thought the darkspawn retreated underground after the archdemon's death."

"Me too," agreed the Warden.  "But, I started to sense them last night."

"Incoming," Zevran said, as another group of hurlocks poured from the gates.

The Warden began a cast, but was frozen in place by the magic wielding hurlock emissary.  Zevran pounced, landing behind the darkspawn and stunning the emissary. Leiliana unleashed a barrage from her bow, pinning the other hurlocks in place, and shattering them.

"Go!  Get the templars in the village!"  Mhairi told the soldier, as she pulled her sword and shield.  

The quartet fought their way through the gates, decimating the darkspawn in their path.  They cleared the courtyard, but heard more sounds of fighting from the enclave of buildings behind them.  The Warden kicked in the door of the building closest to them, and a ponytailed mage let loose lightning from his hands, felling the darkspawn shriek roaring towards them.  

The mage recognized Amell's uniform, glanced down at the two dead templars at his feet, shook his hands and put them behind his back.  "Uh, I didn't do it." He protested.

Seeing several dead darkspawn among the dead templars, Amell was impressed, rather than suspicious.  "Did you kill all these darkspawn?" She asked him.

"Yes, but _they_ killed the templars.  I may be an apostate, but I'm not a murderer.  Hey, I remember you. You're from the Kinloch Circle.  You're harrowing provided the opportunity for my escape. Thanks for that."

"Um, glad to be of service, I guess.  I don't remember seeing you. Were you there long?"

"No, I'm never in any Circle for very long."

"Why is that?"

"Probably because I keep escaping."

"This is fascinating, really, but perhaps we should see about survivors inside the keep?"  Zevran interjected.

"Of course."   _Where is my head_ , Amell thought.  "Help us clear the keep and I'll protect you from the templars.  Deal?"

The mage narrowed his gaze on the Warden, attempting to discern her level of trustworthiness.  "Alright, I seem to be low on options at the moment. I'll help you for now, and we can discuss what comes after... _after_.  You can call me Anders, by the way." The mage offered his hand to the Warden.

Amell accepted, and shook his hand in return.  "I'm Amell." A small shock shot through her hand and up her arm, and she yanked it back and shook it in surprise.   _Did he do that on purpose?_

The mage bowed his head and laughed to himself, as he made his way past her to the door.  Leiliana giggled and smiled at Zevran, who rolled his eyes and scoffed, unimpressed.

Suddenly, a massive explosion was heard, shaking the entire keep and the grounds.  The group ran inside to find a crazy dwarf shouting and laughing at the obliterated darkspawn that had walked into his trap.  He didn't see the Warden, and ran off farther into the keep, cackling. They heard more fighting above them, and scaled the steps to their left in doubletime, as another group of darkspawn emerged from the second floor.  They dispatched the darkspawn on the catwalk and made their way inside the upper level, coming upon another recruit Mhairi appeared to know.

"Rowland!"  She shouted as she rushed to help him, although they could all see he was gravely injured.

"He's beyond healing," Anders whispered to The Warden, and she nodded in agreement.

 "You must help him!"  Mhairi shouted.

"It...is...too late...Mhairi.  I...can... _feel_ the corruption...inside me.  Please...kill me. Kill...them all. It _talks_...it talks...the darkspawn...talks.  It hurts... _please_."

"He's delirious, there must be something we can do!"  Mhairi pleaded with them.

The Warden turned to Zevran, the resident assassin, and he nodded.  Zevran knelt down next to the man and gave him an apologetic look, to which Rowland acknowledged, and whispered, "Thank you."  Zevran bowed his head and closed his eyes, as Leiliana said a prayer. When she finished, Zevran cradled Rowland's head against his chest, and plunged his dagger into the back of the dying man's neck at the base of his skull, killing him instantly.

"I will see you avenged, Rowland," Mhairi cried.

They turned their attention to the sounds of shouting and metal clanging coming from down the hall.  This time, it was Amell that saw a familiar face, and thankfully, he was still very much alive. Oghren, the drunken dwarven warrior that helped her defeat the blight, pulled one hand from his axe, leaving it hanging in mid-air, smiled and waved at them.  He dispatched the last darkspawn in front of him, and let out a loud belch.

"Oghren!  What are you doing here?"  Amell shouted to him.

"Thought I'd try my hand at this Warden thing.  Good thing too, seein' as you seem to have a darkspawn problem."

"Why didn't you just come with us?"  Amell queried.

"I had to make a stop in Lake Calenhad, if you catch my drift.  Heh."

"How is Felsi?"  Leiliana asked.

"Probably very angry."

Leiliana sighed.  "Oh, Oghren."

"Ol' Oghren's not the settlin' down type.  Heh-heh."

Amell rolled her eyes.  "You know the Joining can kill you, right?"

Oghren belched again, even longer and louder this time.  "So?"

Amell shook her head.  "Alright then, let's finish clearing the keep."

They encountered a few more survivors on their way up the battlements, and they were sounding even more deranged than Rowland, or so the Warden thought.  They also babbled of a talking darkspawn, and in the Warden's group, each initially dismissed it as terror induced madness - until they met one of these talking darkspawn on the battlements.

"Do not stay your hand for me Warden-Commander!  Slay these evil abominations where they stand!" Shouted a man in silver, blood-spattered armor, crouched on the ground, held at the mercy of the darkspawn surrounding him.

"Hold!"  One of the darkspawn said to the others, prompting the Warden and her companions to exchange concerned glances.  "We would speak with this one, the Grey Warden. You are the slayer, yes?"

"Yes," Amell answered without hesitation.

"It _is_ talking!"  Anders exclaimed enthusiastically.

"The Mother would like to speak with you, to halt your killing."  The darkspawn seemingly in charge offered.

Amell would not be swayed.  "I don't make deals with darkspawn, not even talking ones."

"You are thinking you be knowing of my kind.  That is understandable, but untrue."

"Alright, I've got five minutes to spare.  Enlighten me. How did you come to be this...talking... _thing_?"

"We would tell you of The Lost, but it is the request of The Mother that I, The Withered, brings you to her for introductions, for the explaining."  The talking darkspawn turned back to his brothers, "Capture the Grey Warden, kill the others."

With her first shot, Leliana's arrow pierced the hurlock holding a sword to the neck of the man in uniform, knocking him back several yards as the man scrambled away on his hands and knees.  In an instant, Zevran was at the man's back, felling the genlocks clutching after him; as Leiliana's next release set all of the darkspawn ablaze and Amell sent a frigid wind their way, preventing them from fleeing.  Anders pulled the man toward them, and helped him to his feet. The man thanked him, and immediately grabbed a discarded sword laying nearby. He ran into the mob of darkspawn, ramming his sword through the neck of their talking leader; and, with a twist, severing its head.

"Thank you, Warden-Commander, I owe you my life."  The man said and bowed. "I am Seneschal Varel, Steward of Vigil's Keep."

"You're an impressive warrior, Varel.  How could this happen? Grey Wardens can sense darkspawn."

"They came from beneath the keep, a whole horde overwhelmed us before anyone knew what was happening, I'm sorry to say.  My men are well trained, and even with the Wardens on hand, and those from Orlais - " Varel answered.

_That's unexpected_ , Amell thought.  "Orlais sent Grey Wardens?"

"Yes, Warden-Commander, a dozen or so.  They arrived just before the attack, and have not been seen since."

"That's odd,"  Leiliana stated.

"Are there any other survivors?"  Amell asked.

"I, I'm not sure.  Captain Garavel and the keep soldiers were making a stand inside the throne room when this monster drug me out here to ask about you, Warden-Commander."

"We must help them!"  Leiliana exclaimed.

"Go, I will help the Seneschal."  Anders offered.

Varel stood up straight, "Thank you, Ser Mage, but I am fine.  Let us route these beasts together!" Anders smiled, he liked this man already.  

They burst into the throne room, and clearly, just in time.  The Captain and his remaining men were surrounded, wounded and covered in blood.  Sheer determination and will rose their swords in the air, cutting down abominations, one after another.  The Warden-Commander and her troupe flanked the darkspawn horde and bore a hole toward Garavel and his men.  Once they reached them, Amell sent a force wave, knocking the horde off its feet. Anders shielded them, filling the area with healing and restorative magic, while Amell lit the room ablaze with a massive whirling tornado of flames and darkspawn.  In a matter of seconds, the horde was dead, and the room smelled like barbequed dog.


	3. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The King arrives, but doesn't quite get the reception he expected.

"Well, was that better than a party?"  Amell asked Zevran, as they stood outside the keep watching the survivors scurry about helping others and cleaning up the mess the Warden-Commander left.

"Less violence, and no drinks?  Hardly."

Amell laughed.  "It's a good thing you and Leliana were here.  Thank you for your help. I couldn't have done it without you."

"Yes, you most certainly could have, but I am flattered, and, as always, pleased to be of service."  Zevran bowed.

"We can stay, if you like."  Leiliana suggested with hope.

"I don't think it will be necessary, but I would never turn you away.  Do whatever is at your pleasure." Amell smiled and took Leliana's hands in hers, hoping to convey her acceptance either way.

"I have a question, if I may."  Zevran interrupted.

"Of course."

"Why have you never asked Leliana or I to become Grey Wardens?  Are we not good enough? Have we not proven worthy? It is because we are, uh, _were_ assassins?"

Amell sighed.  "No, of course not.  It's because it's a death sentence.  The Joining can kill you, and killing the archdemon is supposed to kill you.  If you somehow survive both of those things, the Calling gets you. Basically, once you take the Joining, the countdown clock starts ticking twice as fast.  If I can spare you that, I will. I couldn't save Alistair or myself, but I can save you."

"I'm so sorry, I had no idea."  Leiliana looked as if she wanted to cry.  Amell embraced her, but she may as well have been trying to halt the tides, as Leiliana began to softly sob.

Zevran stared at his feet.  "I am sorry also. You have paid an enormous price, for all of us."  He stated sadly.

"One I'd gladly pay again to stop the blight."  Amell tried to reassure them, glad they didn't ask why slaying the archdemon hadn't killed her.

"Soldiers approach!"  A guard from the front gate shouted.  "It's the King!"

_Shit_.   _He must have left as soon as he found out I had_.  It disgusted her to do so, but she dropped to her knees as he approached them on the steps to the keep.  "Your Highness," Amell said curtly.

Alistair stepped forward, took Amell's hands in his, and bid her to her stand.  "If there's any person in this kingdom that isn't required to kneel before me, it's _you_."  He whispered to her, as he leaned in to peck her cheek, but she withdrew.

_He really has no idea, does he?_  Amell dropped her hands from his, and to her sides.  "I have no problem performing my duty, Sire." She could tell her words stung him, and she was glad.   _Let him have a taste of his own medicine_ , she thought.

"Your Majesty, this mage is a dangerous apostate, likely escaped from the custody of his templars by killing them!"  The Templar Knight-Commander accompanying the King shook her finger in Anders' face.

"But, I didn't kill those...oh, what's the use."  Anders wearily replied.

King Alistair hardened his gaze on Anders.  "Is this so? Then I must demand you turn yourself in to the custody of the Knight-Commander."  However, the King knew his love well enough to know she did not intend for this to happen. Collecting rejects and helping them redeem themselves was what she did, after all; and, she was also a mage. "Unless _you_ have something to add, Warden-Commander?" He suggested to Amell, hoping it would at least please her in some small measure.

"As Warden-Commander, I hereby invoke the right of conscription upon this mage."  Amell answered.

"You, _what_?!  But, he's a blood mage!  An escaped maleficar! A Templar murderer!"  The Knight-Commander objected, loudly.

"Then, I have no choice but to relinquish him to your custody, Warden-Commander."  Alistair smiled, crossed his arm against his chest, and bowed to her. The Knight-Commander huffed, but held her tongue.

" _Me_?  A Grey Warden?  Huh.  What about that."  Anders mused.

"Thank you, Your Majesty."  Amell said through clenched teeth.

Alistair frowned.  "Could I speak with you privately?"  He motioned toward the keep.

Being a loyal subject of Fereldan, she was in no position to deny his request, though the thought of being alone with him made her stomach churn.  "Of course."

Alistair followed her inside the keep, to the chapel, which was empty.  He closed the door behind them, and reached for her, but, again, she pulled back.  "Why are you acting like this? Why did you leave without saying a word? I told you my feelings for you haven't changed!"

"You keep telling yourself that little lie, 'cause I'll not believe it!"  Amell snapped.

"What can I do?  Eamon has forbade it.  The nobles would dissent."

"Well, guess what?   _Isolde is a mage_. And, last I checked, I made _you_ King, not Eamon."

"Isolde, a mage?  But, that's impossible.  Eamon would never marry -"

"Hence, why she hides it, and a whole town nearly perished to save her politicking secret!  She denies who she is, who her son is, to protect her titles; consequently, endangering everyone else around her, _especially_ her son!  You couldn't possibly ask me to do the same thing and still expect to love me, or me to love you." Amell was screaming, although she didn't intend to be.  Perhaps, she had held onto the words for too long.

Alistair shook his head.  "I, I had no idea. Why didn't you tell me in Redcliffe?"

"To what purpose?  The damage had already been done, and still more may yet be, but _that_ is Eamon's problem.  He married an Orlesian mage, and has the gall to tell you what is proper?!"

"But, if I had known, I would not have -"

"Deemed me unworthy to marry?  Why should I only be acceptable by her precedence?  I'm only good enough to marry if she is?!" Amell continued to shout angrily, unconcerned about who might hear them.

Alistair sighed, "...given Eamon's advice so much weight.  I'm sorry. I was an utter idiot. I don't know what you want me to say.  I'm not exactly a professional at being King, or in love!"

"This, I already know."  Amell abruptly moved past him to leave.

Alistair grabbed her hand and pulled her close to him.  "Please, I'll do whatever it takes to make it up to you.  I'll marry you right here and now, if that's what you want.  I'll give up my crown and come back to the Grey Wardens. I cannot even bear to take a single breath without you."  Alistair fell to his knees and wrapped his arms around her. " _Please_ , don't leave me, _I beg you_."

She wanted to fall into his arms and cry with him, take him back, and tell him everything would be okay.  What he offered was everything she ever wanted, but he did so out of desperation, not love. Regardless of what he said now, he still saw her as different, less than.  She jerked away from him. " _I_ didn't leave." Amell turned and exited the chapel before he could see the tears streaming down her face. Alistair didn't call after her, for he did not wish her to turn around and see his.


	4. Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anders begins the arduous journey of getting to know the Hero of Fereldan, learning they are more alike than he thought they could be.

Anders found her perched on the battlements, feet dangling over the side, heels tapping a rhythm against the stone, tears still flowing.  He felt awkward about intruding upon her sought solitude, perhaps everyone else left her alone for a reason. The screaming carried far beyond the chapel, after all.  Alternatively, he felt that her need for a friend at this moment might be equally possible. She had probably just saved his life, and Anders wasn't accustomed to people keeping their promises, or caring what happened to him.  He sat beside her and she wiped the tears from her face, sniffling. She seemed more like a lost child in this moment, than a mighty slayer of darkspawn.

"I suppose someone needs me for something."  Amell assumed.

"I'm sure they do, but it can wait."  He took her hand in both of his and placed them in his lap.  "I take it a mage's love was good enough for a Grey Warden, but not for a King?"

"Pretty much."

"You know he's the fool, right?"

"Doesn't make it hurt less."

"No, I suppose it doesn't.  If it makes you feel better, your friends gave him a cold reception as well.  The red-head actually _hissed_ at him. The elf said nothing, but stared the King down as if his eyes were his daggers.  The King left the keep quickly, and with his head hung low."

Amell shook her head.  "He offered me everything I wanted before, as if it would erase what happened after."

"I take it the Warden-Commander doesn't look favorably on broken promises."

"Have you ever been in love, Anders?"

"Me?  Maker, no!  My life is complicated enough, thank you very much."

"Then I don't think your advice on the subject amounts to much."  She took her hand from him and returned it to her own lap.

Anders didn't take her rebuke personally.  She was already angry, and looking for a target.  Anders was happy to oblige. "I suppose not, but wouldn't it be more selfish for me to drag another into my unstable life?"

"You could stop running.  Have you never met anyone special enough to make you want that?"

"No, I suppose I haven't; but, I'd gladly stop running, if they'd just stop chasing.  Will being a Grey Warden change that?"

"It could.  It could also kill you."

Anders smiled, "Well, that's true for most things, isn't it?"

A tiny laugh escaped her.  "I guess it is."

_Mission accomplished_ , he thought.  "You know, you're an incredible mage.  I've rarely seen a mage I considered as skilled, or better, than myself."

"Which am I?"

Anders laughed.  "I'm too ashamed to say.  Is it the taint?"

"I'm not sure, to be perfectly honest.  I, of course, became a better mage after becoming a Grey Warden.  I had a blight to put down practically the minute I came out of my harrowing, so I had no choice.  I was almost entirely unpracticed before that night, only educated by books and Circle instructors.  Is that what you want? To become a better mage? You already seem to be quite a skilled healer."

"We should always strive to be better, shouldn't we?"

"I suppose, but to what end, and at what cost?  In the Wardens, the lines aren't the same as they are in the Circle.  Wardens deem _anything_ acceptable if it will get rid of darkspawn. Honestly, that scares me."

"Even blood magic?"

"So, it's true."

"Not in the way the Templars think.  I've only studied it, not practiced. In its essence, blood magic is just magic, how it's used it up to the wielder.  Unfortunately, those who turn to blood magic are usually desperate or power hungry."

"Indeed.  I...will need some instruction, then."

Anders turned to face her, eyes wide in surprise.  "You're a blood mage?"

"Not exactly.  I mean, I don't think so.  I...drank a potion, and now sometimes...blood... _things_...happen."

"What sort of blood things?"

"I can make blood spray forth from my wounds, and it instantly kills any darkspawn around me.  It's like my blood is poison to them."

"That's quite a powerful spell, one that would require a normal blood mage many sacrifices to accomplish.  I assume you can do this at will since you chose to use fire in the throne room."

"Can't have anyone knowing the Warden-Commander is secretly a blood mage, even if it was by accident."

"Did you not know what the potion would do?"

"Not really, but I saw the research that went into it.  That, you don't want to know about, trust me. Part of me believed it would make me powerful enough to slay the archdemon, and part of me thought it would remove the taint entirely, and yet another part of me thought it may kill me.  I thought, 'what the hell?' It had been a long day."

Anders put his hand to his face, "Andraste's knickers." 


	5. Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amell gets right down to business...telling off nobles, and playing 'fetch-and-kill.'

The next evening, Mhairi, Oghren, and Anders took the Joining and all three survived.  A few days later, Zevran and Leliana took their leave, having had enough of pacing up and down the throne room waiting for their friend to become unencumbered.  They had the business of their former benefactors to pursue, and the assassins didn't want the search to bring those undeserving and ill-timed elements upon the Warden.  Especially when the Warden was tied to her chair, contending with constant noble and peasant demands, alike. _"Protect my farm!" "No, protect my mansion in the city!" "Reopen trade!"  "Do something about the criminals!" "We're starving!"_

To make matters worse, the former Arl was a murderous traitor, and aligned himself with nobles of like duplicitous character.  Those particular nobles enjoyed much benefit as the rest of Fereldan burned, and expected themselves to remain untouched. Amell would be their rude awakening back to reality.

"As far as I am concerned, you are each responsible for your own holdings, and the people in your employ, and living on your lands.  All manifests and holdings are to be inspected for impropriety. Any who are proven to have aided the former Arl in his dereliction of duty and attempted treason will have their lands, entire holdings, and titles forfeited to the Crown."  Amell stated. "As well, any who refuse investigation will also forfeit all."

The nobles gasped.  Those with the most to lose would not let this upstart mage tell them what to do, or circumvent their greedy designs.  "You can't do that!" A particularly outspoken female noble shouted.

"I can, and I am.  The state of this arling is on your heads, not mine!  The former Arl was an enemy to the Crown, and as such, the King has declared all those who aligned with him, knowingly or unknowingly, the same.  Defy our King, and I will leave you to contend with your peasants _and_ the darkspawn all on your own. After which, we will march right through your burnt land, over your dead bodies, and confiscate your holdings anyway."

"This is outrageous!"  The same fancy female shouted.

"Which part?  Where you let your peasants pay the price of your greed and quest for more power, while the darkspawn you thought couldn't touch you ravaged your land and people?  Or, the part where you committed your own ilk to the heinous Arl's torture chambers in Fort Drakon just to advance your personal statuses and agendas?" Amell retorted. "All you have proven to me is how unfit you are to wear _any_ title. I should not have to force you to uphold your responsibilities to your people! They provide for you, and you owe them your protection, or you are no Lord at all."  Amell stared the woman down, waiting for a response, but it did not come. "And, since I am well acquainted with how your venomous, self-serving, little minds work, let me just remind you - the archdemon couldn't kill me, and _neither will you_."  With that, Amell stood and exited the throne room. 

Varel dismissed the nobles and followed the Warden outside.  "That was, uh, quite a speech, Warden-Commander."

"I take it you disapprove."

"On the contrary, however, I am concerned for you.  I know what kind of man Howe was, and his allies will certainly have designs upon you now, if they didn't already."

"I'm prepared for that, don't worry.  Personally, I prefer it this way. Makes things a lot easier when your enemies come to you."

"I am confident the Vigil's soldiers and I are up to the task."

"I have no doubt.  I'd like the King's declaration posted on the front gate.  I want the people to know their Lords' responsibility in their misfortune.  That should also provide us with leads from the dissatisfied."

Captain Garavel approached them, appearing distressed.  "I apologize for the interruption, but I have news from the farmlands, Warden-Commander.  A darkspawn horde has been spotted just Southwest of Edelbreck's bannorn. Bann Edelbreck desperately requests aid, Ser."

"I'll take the new Wardens and put down the horde, but I'd like patrols stepped up in the surrounding farmlands.  No farmers means no food."

"As so ordered, Warden-Commander."  Garavel bowed and dismissed himself.

"There is also the matter of a missing Warden, Commander.  Kristoff was in the field when the darkspawn attacked the keep, and has not been heard from since."

"What's he doing in the field?"

"He was investigating reports in outlying areas of remaining darkspawn, and why they weren't going underground after the archdemon's death."

"I see.  Any idea where he was last spotted?"

"Amaranthine, Ser.  He has a room at the inn, but I'm told hasn't returned for several days."

"I'll look into it.  Who was that women, the indignant noble with a fancy dress and a big mouth?"

"Bann Esmerelle, Commander.  Wealthiest of the Amaranthine nobles, and one of Howe's fiercest supporters."

"That makes sense.  She's going to be a problem, and most likely the head of our budding conspiracy."

"Agreed, Ser.  What would you have us do?"

"Nothing for now, let her play her hand.  If there's one thing I've learned in my dealings with nobles, it's to let them hang themselves.  Silver tongues can hide the boldest of lies, but documents and deeds will always come to light."

"So very true, Commander."

"Varel, please, call me Amell.  I'm a mage, and a Grey Warden. Technically, I'm doubly banned from holding any title outside of the Wardens.  I stand on no ceremonies, or misconceptions."

"I humbly and most politely beg to disagree, Commander.  You are far more worthy of title than any noble I've ever met."

Amell smiled, and even blushed a smidgeon.  "You are too kind, Varel."

"I know the King is also a Grey Warden, but I do not think he would have bestowed it upon you if he thought you unworthy, regardless of - "  The Seneschal stopped himself from completing his thought out loud.

Amell sighed.   _So, everyone heard us_.  "It's alright, Varel. I'm not shocked to learn everyone knows I was dumped by the King."

"Forgive me for saying so, Commander, but he's a fool."

"So, I'm told."

"However, he is young, and under a certain and sudden pressure that is foreign to most, even among royalty.  They are taught their whole lives how to be rulers, but not how to rule; and, usually, are not suddenly thrust upon a throne after being plucked from common obscurity.  I believe this will make him a different kind of King, a better one. One that not only sees the errors of his ways, but also rectifies them."

"I hope you are right, Varel."


	6. Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A good deed done and a mission of woo, tug-o-war times two.

A few weeks later, after putting down the darkspawn in the farmlands, Lord Edelbreck treated the Wardens and the farmers to a grand feast at his estate.  Anders had garnered the close attention of Lord Edelbreck's two eldest daughters, and was enjoying being the rope in a romantic tug-of-war. Oghren's drunken guffaws could be heard across the hall, where he was surrounded by passed out soldiers that had mistakenly challenged the dwarf to a drinking contest.  Only Mhairi and Captain Garavel remained seated at the nobles' table with Amell and Lord Edelbreck, and Mhairi was having a hard time staying awake. 

Mhairi politely excused herself, and sought refuge outside.  The cool air was a welcome relief upon her tired face, as was the quiet solitude.  Aside from the barking Mabari, of course. You couldn't go anywhere in Fereldan without hearing those damned hounds.  Ever since her Joining, Mhairi had been having trouble sleeping. Despite Amell's warning, the nightmares were still disturbing.   _What I wouldn't give for a bedroll next to a blazing fire right now,_ she thought. 

The door opening behind her startled Mhairi, and she whipped around to see Captain Garavel standing in the doorway.  "Ah, Mhairi," he smiled as he joined her at the bottom of the steps. "Anxious to get back to the keep as well?"

"Quite."

"What I wouldn't give for a warm bed and a warmer fire right now, eh?"

Mhairi laughed, "I just thought the same thing myself."

"Still, it is a bright and beautiful night. _'Even the stars seek undue praise, in the presence of such a brilliant moon.'_ "

Mhairi had never heard him talk about anything outside the ramification of his duties, and found herself taken aback by his poetic words.  "That's really beautiful. Is it from a poem?"

Garavel appeared nervous, shifting in place.  "No, well, yes. One I wrote actually."

"You write poetry?"

"It's just something to quiet the mind after long days."

"May I hear the rest?"

"Well, it is unfinished, but, as it begins, _'In these endless lonely nights I wait for you, even the stars seek undue praise, in the presence of such a brilliant moon.'_ "  He paused, hoping she might see through him, discover he wrote those words while thinking of her.

Mhairi realized her mouth slacked open, focus held on his voice as he delicately hung the words in the cold, evening air.  "Please, do go on," she whispered, almost absently.

He smiled and continued, " _'Their hope shines in me, for climaxes reached and diligent patience seen, to hold you in my arms even before you declare it too soon.'_ "  Garavel was as close to her as he could dare to be, and prayed the extent of his desire didn't remain unseen. As he said the last line, he tucked a stray, lone tuft of her chestnut hair behind her ear.  " _'I long to reach my hand into your restless sleep, slay the monsters in your dreams, and deliver your demons unto their righteous doom.'_ "

Mhairi was lost in a vision, his lips upon hers; their bodies naked, warm, and close.  A bed, a fire, and no more cold, lonely nights stretching into forever. Her eyes found the want in his, and Garavel seized upon a moment of boldness, kissing her, as he had wanted to do every day since he'd met her.  She pressed her body against him, and reached her arms around his neck. Her body responded to the touch of his by lighting itself on fire, and basking in the flames. 

His kiss was slow and gentle, he wasn't in a rush, or consuming fervor.  He wanted to remember this moment he had waited for, always. The way her frosty lips tasted of the sweet feast wine, how the tip of her nose was as frigid as the patches of ice that froze atop the nearby lake, and the contradicting warmth of her tongue.  She was as beautiful to him as every sunrise and sunset, throughout history, combined. 

Even though her touch invigorated him like a war cry, he was measured, deliberate, exactly as he was in battle.  Garavel was Guard-Captain of Vigil's Keep and her soldiers; and though, young he may be, he didn't get there by mistake.  Before the former Arl had turned dark, Garavel was promoted quickly among the ranks, using his wit to predict what his opponent would do even before they knew.  He was also a master tactician and strategist. Once he and Varel started questioning, then defying Howe's orders, however, they were unceremoniously, and repeatedly demoted.  They fed and housed people in the secluded parts of the keep, and once the Grey Wardens took control upon the blight's, and Howe's end, both were reinstated to their proper ranks.

Mhairi already knew Garavel was a good and loyal man.  She was with the first group of Wardens that arrived to the keep after the blight.  It was only barely in worse condition the second time she arrived there, with the Warden-Commander, and that was due to the darkspawn and dead bodies.  Garavel helped the Wardens identify the soldiers that carried out Howe's heinous orders; such as, slaughtering starving peasants that dared to steal to feed their families, or kidnapping, torture, and even outright mass murder, as was the case in Highever Castle.  She couldn't be more excited to discover he was also learned, and passionate. Sensitive and bold.

If it weren't for the cold, Garavel would have been content to remain until she bade him away.  "May I escort you to your quarters? I'd not have us stay until the chill causes you to shiver."  He rubbed his nose against hers, and placed his hands on her flushed cheeks.

"How would I even notice?"  She replied, staring into his eyes.  

Garavel laughed lightly.  "Then my mission of woo has been successful?"

"Oh, _yes_."

"Excellent," he beamed.  Garavel took her hand in his and walked Mhairi back inside the Bann's estate, and to her room.

"I must admit, Captain.  You have me at a disadvantage.  Your surprise attack has left me dazed."  Mhairi said to him, as they approached her room.

Garavel leaned in toward her, backing her against the door.  "Did it? Perhaps, countermeasures are in order."

"Indeed."  Mhairi put her lips to his neck and kissed him softly, eventually making her way to his lips again.

"I surrender.  I am your prisoner.  Do with me what you will."  Garavel eagerly grinned as he confessed.

Mhairi smiled wickedly, "Good."  She opened the door behind her and pulled him inside.

  
  



	7. Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amell gets an eyeful, and Anders gets an earful.

Amell was thankful when Lord Edelbreck's wife finally dragged him from the reception.  How the man didn't exhaust himself talking was beyond her. It certainly exhausted everyone else.  Oghren wandered up to the table, accused the Warden of being Branka again, and warned her to stop flirting with him, before falling over and passing out. "Right, I suppose it's bedtime, then." Amell got up, stepped over Oghren, and made her way to the guest residence hall of the estate.

She opened the door to her room to find Anders engaged with both sisters, who were naked.  "Whoa! You couldn't do this in _your_ room, Anders?!" Amell exclaimed.

"Is this not my room?  My apologies. Ladies, we must vacate the Commander's quarters post haste!"  He mockingly ordered. The girls squealed and giggled as he chased them out of the room.  However, instead of following them into the hall, he shut the door behind them. Suddenly remembering they were naked, as they began to pound on the door and wail, Anders grabbed their dresses from the floor and quickly threw them into the hall.  "Sorry, ladies, but the Commander needs to, um, _brief_ me. Perhaps, another time." He closed the door again, and turned back to face the Warden-Commander. "What can I say? I'm irresistible."

"Obviously, but why aren't you leaving _with_ them?"

"I thought you might want to talk."

Amell raised an eyebrow, "You'd rather talk to me, than fornicate with two _very naked_ noblewomen?"

"I don't know if ' _rather_ ' is the appropriate word, but, essentially, yes."

"I'm fine, really.  Feel free to pursue your pleasures."  Amell sounded distant, almost harsh, as she attempted to brush him off.

Anders considered following her suggestion, even if it was just to allow her some much needed rest.  He could tell, however, it was more than the battles and merriments that wore on her. He'd also heard her screams in the middle of the night, almost every night.  Mhairi was having nightmares too, and even Oghren; which was surprising, considering dwarves don't dream. Anders seemed to be the only one unaffected. "Actually, I have some Grey Warden questions, unless...you don't feel up to it."

"I will do my best to answer them, but even the limited amount I know, I had to come by mostly on my own.  I won't lie or keep anything from you, but I may not be as knowledgeable as you expect me to be."

"Fair enough.  You are all having nightmares, but I'm not.  Do my Grey Warden powers not work?"

Unexpectedly, even to herself, Amell laughed.  "Grey Warden _powers_?"

"I don't sense darkspawn, I don't have nightmares.  Maybe the Joining didn't quite take?"

"It just affects everyone a little differently.  It was months before I started to sense darkspawn, although the nightmares started almost right away.  Alistair used to...well, some also experience an increase in appetite." Amell's eyes dropped to the floor.

It was difficult for Anders to see her look so sad, especially since he knew she was trying to hide it.  "Maybe Alistair is just a pig."

"Anders, I know you mean well, but - "

"No, I'm serious.  Everyone wants to tiptoe around it, but the truth is the man used you to make himself better; and, upon the first test of loyalty, _he betrayed you_.  This relationship isn't worth mourning! He didn't deserve you before he was King, and he certainly doesn't now!" He hadn't realized it before he stopped talking, but Anders voice was raised, and he sounded like a raving lunatic.  He felt like one too.

"I'm flattered you think so highly of me, but I'm not perfect either.  I made him do something I probably shouldn't have, even though I would probably do it again."

"Tell me."  Anders was demanding, not asking.

"I convinced him to take part in a witch's ritual, to save either of us dying from the archdemon."

"What kind of ritual?"

"Probably blood magic and ancient.  Do you know of Flemeth?"

"The Witch of the Wilds?" 

"That's the one.  She saved Alistair and I from the tower in Ostagar after we were overwhelmed by darkspawn.  As a sort of ' _payment_ ,' she had us take her daughter with us when we left to fight the blight."

"You met _the_ Flemeth?  And, she has a daughter?"

"Yes.  Morrigan.  She...could be difficult to take at times.  Initially, Morrigan had nothing but disdain for Circle mages, and had no reservations about expressing it.  As you can imagine, we butted heads quite a bit. Eventually, she came to pity us also, though." Amell smiled, remembering the time Morrigan wanted to let all the mages in the Fereldan Circle die, and had to be reminded of her place.  Amell sent her back to camp and didn't speak to her again until Morrigan approached her and apologized. Childish, perhaps, but sometimes you had to treat Morrigan the way she treated you for her to understand.

"Isn't she delightful."

"You don't know the half of it.  She was a selfish, arrogant, sheltered, and _powerful_ child suddenly let loose in the world.  She also had a complete disregard for the lives and feelings of others. However, I can tell you the Maker has a sense of humor; as we became close friends, and eventually begat a mutual respect for one another."

Anders smiled.  "That's not surprising, knowing you."  It really wasn't.

"Yes, well, her and Alistair never came to such an understanding.  She cruelly taunted and tormented him from the very moment they met, and _never_ let up.  Now that I think about it, I believe she knew all along what she was sent to do, and resented it, resented _him_.  She berated and belittled Alistair constantly, and _only_ Alistair."

"Ugh, now I feel sorry for him.  She sounds just...awful."

Amell laughed, but covered her mouth as if she were embarrassed by it.  "She really is. So, you can imagine Alistair's delight when I asked him to sleep with her."

"You did _what_?!"  Anders blurted out, almost in a shout.

"We didn't find out until the night before the battle with the archdemon that whichever Warden made the killing blow would also be killed.  The Old God soul inside of the archdemon is transferred into the Grey Warden through the taint, and both are destroyed as a result. Just after Riordan told Alistair and I this, Morrigan approached me and informed me she knew this all along, and how to stop it."

Anders scoffed, "How convenient."

"She said the ritual would create a child, one that could absorb the Old God soul without being destroyed."  Amell dropped her head, "I never even told Alistair that part. All he knows is the ritual prevented him from losing me, and me from losing him."

Anders was engrossed.  "And, _then_ he dumped you?  This is unbelievable."

"Well, technically, he asked me to be his mistress, with no hope of marriage, and to be okay with him sleeping with or even marrying someone else in order to obtain an heir.  One that wouldn't be a mage, or _tainted_."

"Wow.  I can't believe you would refuse such a gracious offer," Anders spoke sarcastically and rolled his eyes.

"Right?  I'm so picky."

They laughed, and Anders felt as if at least part of his mission had been accomplished.  The sooner she could laugh about it, the sooner she could get over it. What made him feel odd was _why_ he cared.  It's true, he admired her, but there was more. He felt different around her, like he was someone important, someone interesting to be around.  Not because of who she was, but because of how she made him feel about himself. He was a person worthy of knowing, instead of a thing to run from.

Amell suddenly buried her face in her hands and started to sob.  "I believed him when he said he loved me. I can't even trust myself anymore."  

Her sudden emotional break caught Anders off-guard, and he was wholly unsure of what to do.  He understood any words would be lost to her at this moment, so he put his arms around her, and held her against him.  As her body shook, heaving her grief out into the open, he found himself increasingly incensed. If he thought it would take her pain away, he'd march himself to Denerim tonight and end Alistair.  

It was as if the last of the energy she had been so desperately clinging onto suddenly released, and she collapsed in his arms.  Anders gently picked her up and carried her to the bed. Amell continued to cry as he lay her down and removed her boots. As much as it wrenched his heart, Anders knew this was the damn breaking, and ultimately, a good thing.  She had held it back for weeks, until she just couldn't anymore. Again, she reminded him of the vulnerable child he peered on the battlements. All he wanted to do was hold her. He climbed into the bed and positioned himself behind her.  As he put his arm around her, she sunk into him, and Anders knew right then that he had already broken his own rules. He wasn't just attached, _he was falling in love with her_.

  
  



	8. Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amell finds herself increasingly fascinated by Anders, and he enlists the Warden's help in retrieving some personal "cargo."

The next morning, Anders awoke and was instantly disappointed to discover himself alone.  He had hoped his first sight would be of her face; and, his first sensation, the weight of Amell's body against his.  However, Anders found her outside, preparing the horses for their departure.

"Sleep well?"  He asked her.

"Like a baby, which is fitting, considering how I behaved."

"You have nothing to be ashamed of."

"Thank you.  As embarrassing as it was, I believe I needed that."

"You did, and I'm grateful you trusted me enough to let me be there for you."

"I appreciate the sacrifice you made," she said, smiling as she remembered the angry, naked women outside of her door the night before.

For a moment, Anders truly didn't know what she was talking about.  "Oh! The, um, ladies. Yes, well, I do believe ' _rather_ ' was the appropriate word, after all."  Anders smiled, and placed his hand on hers, as it rested on the horse's saddle.

Amell tensed, and quickly withdrew her hand to her side.  "Anders, I, I'm broken." She said, shaking her head, appearing frightened more than defiant.

"It's only temporary, my dear."  Anders smiled, reassuring her.

"Besides, if I've learned anything, it's that duty and pleasure don't play well together."

Anders didn't like the sound of that; but, he also knew, that in her line of work, it was either him or a darkspawn.  Her broken heart was just making excuses.

Amell and the other Wardens set off for Amaranthine; as Captain Garavel routed the patrols and directed his men in return to Vigil's Keep.  The two groups traveled together most of the week, until splitting off in their separate directions.

Before the Captain was out of sight, Mhairi called after him, and strode her horse out to meet him.  "Will it be finished by the time I return?"

Garavel smiled, "You can count on it, My Lady."

"Good," Mhairi said with a blushing grin.  "Until then, I will look forward to it."

"As will I," Garavel replied, and he leaned in to kiss her.  As their lips parted, so did they, each returning upon their intended way.

Amell smiled at Mhairi as she rejoined them, but kept her inclination to say something to herself.  Oghren, however, was not bound by any such restraints, like tact or courtesy.

"Heh-heh.  Polishin' the Captain's armor, eh?"  Oghren blurted.

"I beg your pardon, dwarf?"  Mhairi unfortunately responded.

"You know, you and the good Captain, rollin' your oats."

"Are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting?"

"Tapping the midnight still, forging the moaning statue, bucking the forbidden horse..."

"Is he serious?"  Mhairi asked the Warden-Commander.

"Quite.  Next, he will ask what you did with your legs."  Amell informed her, having heard, and been the subject of, this exact conversation many months ago in the Deep Roads.

"That question is for the ol' Captain, heh."  Oghren corrected.

"Ugh."  Mhairi huffed and rolled her eyes.  "Infant."

"Ignoring it really is the way to go on this one.  Fighting it only encourages him." Amell confirmed.

"Heh.  Donning the velvet hat, waxing the whetstones..."  Oghren belched and cackled, amused with himself. "Hic!  Rubbing the runestones, dancing with the dowager..."

"How can he be _that_ drunk and still upright on the horse?"  Anders questioned.

"Practice,"  Amell asserted.

They arrived in Amaranthine late into the next evening, and headed directly to the inn.  After questioning the proprietor and his barmaid about Kristoff, the Wardens searched his room and learned he was headed to an area called the Blackmarsh.  They requisitioned rooms, however, they would have to share.

Much to his dismay, Anders was forced to bunk with Oghren.  "Is there not a kennel I could stay in? I'm certain the smell would be less offensive."

"Arg, shut up, mage!"  Oghren grunted.

Anders sighed.  "I'm going to have to get drunk for this."

"I think we could all use a drink," Amell suggested, and they each took a seat in Kristoff's booth.  The Wardens were scouring Kristoff's journal, and well into their second round, when an elven woman entered the tavern and made immediate eye contact with Anders.  He excused himself and went downstairs to greet her. Amell watched them curiously, as Anders escorted her up the stairs and to his room.

_I don't care_ , she told herself.   _I don't care. I don't care_. Although she realized she could make no claim on him, she also discovered she might someday want to.  He was a mage, after all, he couldn't very well reject _her_ for being a mage. She'd already told him the worst things she'd done, and he still appeared to like her.   _No!_ Her heart screamed to her. _He's not mine, I don't want him. Not him, or anyone else. I'm his Commander and I have a job to do. That's it_. She didn't really think she could be anything else.  

They emerged a few minutes later, and Amell found herself relieved.  Either, nothing happened, or he's a selfish and brief lover; not something Amell would be interested in anyway.

"Pardon the interruption," Anders said as he retook his seat.

"An old girlfriend?  Come, on, you can tell Ol' Oghren, heh."  Oghren elbowed Anders' side. Sometimes, Amell was glad to have Oghren around, and that he was who he was.

"What?"  Anders' eyes darted to Amell's, and he cleared his throat.  "No! No, nothing like that! Mind your own business, dwarf."

Amell smiled and returned her attention to the journal, satisfied Oghren had made Anders uncomfortable enough.  Although, she should have realized she knew him well enough to know he wasn't done.

"I get it.  Elves are bendy," Oghren continued.

"Stop," Anders warned him.

"Heh.  You weren't in there very long.  Is she coming back later, or do you need some tips?"

Amell's ale spewed from her lips, as she and Mhairi erupted in laughter.

" _Children_ ," Anders sneered as he got up from the table and went to his room.  They heard the door slam from around the corner.

"Hmph.  Sensitive.  Maybe he does need tips.  Hic!"

"I better go talk to him.  Behave yourselves." Amell got up from the table.

"I could give you some tips too, Commander."

"That won't be necessary.  Thank you, Oghren."

"Anytime, heh."

Amell knocked on Anders' door, and a grumpy " _Come in_ ," traveled from the other side.  Anders sat in a chair in front of the fire, looking very solemn.

"He doesn't mean anything by it.  It's just his way of lightening the mood.  There's a lot of doom and gloom to being a Grey Warden."

"It's not him."

"It's the woman then?"

"Which woman?  Oh, the elf? Not really, no."

" _Which woman_?"

"Ask any man.  He's generally vexed by more than one."

"Do you want to talk about it?"  Amell got the impression that he didn't.

"Not really."

"I want to believe you, but something tells me that I shouldn't."

Anders sighed, "Yes, I slept with her."

"Wow.  I don't think you're doing it right."

Anders rolled his eyes and stood.  "Not _now_! A long time ago. The point is, she is a smuggler, and she had some information for me about some...cargo...that I seek."

"What sort of cargo are we talking about?"

"The personal kind."

"Alright, so, what is the problem?"

"Well, if it isn't a set-up, the cargo will be guarded...by Templars."

"Your phylactery, then."

Anders was surprised she caught on so quickly, but he shouldn't have been.  "Precisely. It's most likely a trap, but I have to try. Would you pass up a chance at freedom?"

"But, you're a Grey Warden, now.  You don't have to run."

"You think that matters to them?  They will always see us a threat! You can't honestly believe that being a Grey Warden will protect you from that, or be anything else but a different set of shackles!  They will use you until they can't anymore, and then throw you away like yesterday's garbage."

Amell knew he was right.  She should know as well as he did, she just preferred to deny it, or think that she could change it.  She had no answer to refute him. All she could do was help him, even though she was absolutely certain it was a trap.  "Then, let me go with you."

"You can't be serious.  You have a lot to lose, whereas, I don't."

"If you go in there alone, you'll be killed, and they'll brand you whatever they say you are."

"They are likely to do worse to you.  I can't put you in danger like that. I, I just...can't.  Please, don't ask me to."

"Have you seen me fight?  I'm pretty impressive." Amell smiled and moved toward him.  "Let me help." She put her hand on his arm.

Any resistance Anders had to giving into her wishes was washed away.  He exhaled as if he'd been holding his breath the entire time. "Alright."

  



	9. Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because...of course it's a trap.

As they came upon a row of derelict buildings in the slums of Amaranthine, Anders pointed their destination out.  "There's the warehouse my contact mentioned. I should go in alone. If it's a trap, let only me be caught."

"No,"  Amell put her hand on his arm to stay him.  "I will go in with you." She turned to Oghren and Mhairi.  "You two stay here. This is mage trouble I'd not involve you in."

Mhairi began to protest.  "Commander, I'll not see you walk into a trap without me, even an obvious one."

"Then make sure no one else follows us inside.  We'll be fine." Amell smiled, but Oghren was unconvinced, and grunted disapprovingly.

Mhairi nodded and stepped away from the door.  "Scream, and we will come running anyway, Commander."  She insisted.

Amell pushed open the door quietly, and she and Anders disappeared inside.  The phylactery rack sat alone, on a table in the middle of the room. Anders started toward it, and Amell pulled him back.  "Don't be so easy. That's a trap." She picked up a bag of herbs from a nearby box and tossed it at the table. As it hit the floor in front of the table, a leg trap snapped up around it.

Anders sighed, "I guess that means we're expected."

The Templar Knight-Commander stepped out of the next room, flanked by two huge Templars.  Three other enormous Templars emerged from another room on their left. "Well, it looks like we caught a Warden-Commander, as well as a Templar murdering apostate," stated the Knight-Commander.

"At least they sent six templars this time.  That's quite an estimation of you, Anders." Amell insisted.

"She has nothing to do with this, I'll surrender.  Just leave her out of it." Anders immediately offered himself up, which surprised Amell.

The Templar Knight-Commander, however, had no intention of making deals with apostates, or taking either mage in alive.  This fetch would provide so much more. "I don't think so," she sneered. "You see, I think the King would be very interested to know about this.  His _obsession,_ and her pet apostate, destroying phylacteries? Spitting in the face of the Chantry and her Templars? No, I'm going to do the King a favor, and be rewarded _greatly_ for it."

Amell started laughing, and Anders turned to look at her, semi-horrified and concerned that she had chosen this particular moment to lose her mind.  "Don't mind her, it's been a long day." Anders suggested.

Amell attempted to spit out the words through her raucous laughter.  "She thinks Alistair...will promote her...for killing me."

Anders smiled, "Truly?"

"He will be glad to be rid of the one thing that prevents him from his duty!  As will I!" The Knight-Commander bellowed.

Anders snickered.  "Oh, my. I believe our Knight-Commander here has a teeny-tiny crush on our handsome young King."

"Hope she isn't a mage," Amell quipped, and both mages laughed hysterically.

"Do you even know the peril you cause?!  Our King waits here in Amaranthine and refuses to return to Denerim until the Warden-Commander is done securing the arling and agrees to accompany him home!  He will hear no business, and will not be moved! Meanwhile, the nobles plot against him! I will not see my nation and _my King_ destroyed because of a _mage_!"

"Do you think she means me, or you?"  Anders asked.

"Definitely me.  You're just the bait."  Amell assured him.

Anders frowned at the Knight-Commander.  "That's rather insulting, madam. And, here I thought all these templars were for me."

The Knight-Commander drew her sword.  "Kill them!!"

Amell threw her hands out and released a wave of her own blood, knocking all the templars to the ground and stunning them.  Anders sent a chain of lightning through them, causing them to convulse. The Knight-Commander broke free and slammed the point of her sword into the floor, dispelling their magic.  As the Templars' swords beared down on them, Anders put his arm around Amell's waist, and fade-stepped, porting them several yards away and out of reach. Amell swirled her arms over her head and cast a blizzard on the templars, freezing them in place.  Anders discharged a massive force wave, shattering them into frozen, fleshy pieces. Only the Knight-Commander remained, encased in ice, eyes wide in horror.

Amell walked over to her.  "I want you to remember that you chose this course."

"M-m-magic exists t-to s-s-serve man...n-n-not rule over h-him."  The Knight-Commander stuttered defiantly.

"That's all well and good, but neither shall your _fear_ rule over me."  Amell drew her Arcane Starsword, but Anders pushed her backwards and stepped between she and the Knight-Commander.  A concentrated orb of lightning formed in his hands and he flung it into the Knight-Commander, electrocuting her to death.

"Why did you do that?"  Amell questioned him.

"I didn't want you to be responsible, any more so than you already are."  Anders walked over to the phylactery rack. "It's not here!"

"Check the Knight-Commander.  I have no doubt she has it on her, as she intended to drop it on the ground next to your dead body."

Anders stuck his hand into the Knight-Commander's charred armor with a squeamish scowl stuck on his face.  He retrieved two vials, palming them so Amell couldn't see, and pocketed them inside his robe. "Right, as usual."  He stood and faced her, taking stock of the half a dozen dead templars that surrounded them. "Why did you do this? You could lose _everything_.  You even knew it was a trap."

"Because, you needed it, and you needed to know.  Who is to say I wouldn't do the same in your shoes?  I understand you do not care for attachments, and may not feel the same as I do; but, I consider you a friend, Anders.  I...simply did it for you."

"Well, not _simply_ , but...thank you."

"I didn't think it was that difficult.  I've definitely had better."

Anders laughed.  "She _severely_ underestimated you."

Amell instantly turned serious.  " _Everyone_ does."

Amell thought it best they leave Amaranthine that night, so they set out for the Blackmarsh straightaway, making camp far outside of the city.  The group discussed all the probably wonderful and welcoming things they would find in a place called the Blackmarsh; Amell, however, remained silent.  She was lost in thought far from here.  The Knight-Commander's words echoed inside Amell's head.  "The King waits in Amaranthine..." _Could it be true?_ Amell wondered.  She didn't see what that would accomplish; but, she had to admit a small measure of hope was renewed within her.  His proximity certainly wouldn't cause her to change her mind, or erase what had already been done. However, she couldn't deny she still loved him.  

Even if she could forgive him, how could she be assured he wouldn't be pressured into changing his mind again later?  No, Alistair would always see her as different, just as Anders said. If anyone knew about the perception of mages, it was Anders.  He had to be the most hunted mage... _ever_. Somehow, it managed to make him even more attractive. Her gaze parted from the fire, and she caught him again, staring at her from across the campfire.  

She wondered if Anders had destroyed his phylactery already, and if she would have dared to risk the same for hers.  It wasn't real freedom, just a modest reprieve, after all. Phylactery or not, the Templars would still find you, just not as easily.  There aren't many places, at least not within Fereldan, that Amell could go and not be recognized. Her course was forever altered when she agreed to help First Enchanter Irving setup Jowan and Lily, despite the relationship Amell herself was having with the Templar, Cullen. It was a mistake, she knew that, though she did not regret the outcome. She was the Hero of Fereldan, and Warden-Commander, now. How many other people, much less _mages_ , could say the same?  

 _And, how many nefarious people in power used the same justification for their wrong deeds?_  That thought troubled her most, that she could become what she despised. _Evil doesn't worry about being good,_ she reminded herself of the words she spoke to Leiliana many months ago.  Amell may not be perfect, but she was definitely far better than bad.

Once Mhairi went to bed, and Oghren passed out, Anders came and sat next to her.  "Have you ever wondered how your life might be, if you had never become a Grey Warden?" He asked.

"Often.  I suppose I would still be a rat in a cage, if I didn't perish with the other Fereldan Circle mages."

"If I hadn't run away, perhaps we would have met sooner.  We could have slayed those vile demons and saved the Circle together."  Anders winked.

"I'm not sure you would have liked that Amell.  She believed the Circle had a duty and a purpose, that it was justified.  She was ignorant and naive, and in love with a Templar."

"Wow, you do have a type, don't you?"

Amell laughed.  "I suppose I do - _the forbidden_."

"Did I tell you I escaped the Circle nine times and I'm a powerful blood maleficar?"  Anders raised his arms over his head and mockingly made a sinister clawing gesture toward her.

Amell laughed harder and bounced her shoulder against his.  "Nine times now, is it?"

"Well, it would definitely be nine times by now if they had managed to take me back instead of stopping at Vigil's Keep."

"It's odd they wouldn't just try to kill you on sight by the second time they caught you."

"I thought so, too.  Except, I never put up any resistance when I'm caught.  It's more dangerous than just letting them take me back and escaping again."

"Still, that's a risk, too.  What if they made you tranquil before you could escape again?"

"If there was ever an abomination, it was the asshole that came up with the Rite of Tranquility."

"Agreed.  It's inhuman."

"Promise me, if that ever happens to me, you will find me and kill me."

"Same."

"I'm serious."

"Me too."  She put her hand on his, and closed her fingers around the back of his hand.

Anders wanted to kiss her, but before he could beat back the fear and muster the courage, she stood up and excused herself to bed.

 


	10. Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here comes Justice.

When they rode into Blackmarsh several days later, none of them were surprised to be right about what awaited them there.  The place was a literal waking nightmare, complete with tears in the veil, darkspawn, spirits, demons...and, of course, an insane blood mage.  There were no sounds among the burned-out ruins of a once prosperous port village, and the oppressive, odd silence filled them with a creeping, and increasing dread.  

As they came upon the body of Kristoff, they were greeted by another talking darkspawn, this one calling itself, the First.   _"Blah, blah, blah...I'm different, let's make a deal."_ It's what they _always_ say. _"What? No? *Bam!* Welcome to the fade, you uppity bitch."_  He was, however, quite surprised to find himself trapped along with them.

"Looks like I'm not the only expendable one," Amell snickered.

This was Amell's third trip to the fade, and each time was different than the last; but, generally it consisted of... _very weird shit_.  Altered memories, people, and places, things disappearing and floating in mid-air. It was the dream world, the place beyond the veil. Everything, including magic, was simultaneously tangible and intangible.  It was all manipulated by will, both an individual's, as well as, whatever entities reside in the immediate area. 

However, what they encountered was some kind of a group enslavement, an entire village committed to the fade seemingly simultaneously; consequently, they were irate about it.  The _people_ were gathered outside of the gates of a massive estate, joined by what appeared to be a spirit, shouting and demanding entry. The spirit recognized them as outsiders, and just like everyone else, asked for the Warden's help.

"I am a Spirit of Justice," he informed.  "I could no longer sit by and watch these people's' plight, so I lead their fight for justice against the Baroness that cursed them to this fate.  However, she is a powerful blood mage that has sundered parts of the veil and enslaved demons in order to uphold the magic created here."

"I suppose you want help with that," Amell appropriately assumed.

"Seriously.  Why is it _always_ a blood mage?"  Anders questioned. "Just once, can't it be a crazed Templar?"

Mhairi had other concerns, thinking only of her heart, on his way back to the keep, and returning safely to him.  "Can he help us leave this cursed realm?"

"I sodding hope so," Oghren grunted, equally unnerved by this place.

As fate would have it, turns out escaping the fade isn't that difficult, if you kill the blood mage who sent you there.  However, as they awoke back in their places in the real world, near what had been Kristoff's corpse, Kristoff also rose.

"What?  Where am I?  What is happening?"  They all immediately recognized the disembodied voice of the Spirit of Justice.  He looked around, "No! This is the world of mortals, beyond the veil! And _this_...this is a mortal body of flesh!  I am trapped within! The witch sundered the veil in her haste! All of us were drawn through! She has returned to this realm as well.  Can you not feel it? The Baroness is nearby!"

"But, we just killed her in the fade.  She is dead at least twice over," Amell assured him.

"You misunderstand," the spirit corrected.  "The Baroness, she is not a mortal as you are or as were the villagers she kept trapped.  There was such a mortal once, but now? _That_ is a demon of pride. She assumed that role long ago to feed on the villagers she trapped.  But, here in your world...here she will be quite something else."

"I thought spirits and demons needed a body to possess, like you."  Anders mentioned.

"I do not know why I am in this body.  It was not by choice, I assure you. If we are to deal with the Baroness, we must do so swiftly."

Still secluded in her estate, she was easy enough to find.

"So, this is the world of mortals?"  The Baroness stated in her appropriate Orlesian accent, almost entirely unimpressed.  "How very dull it seems. So immutable, and unchanging. Yet, I am _here_! I have crossed the veil!  The spirits will watch in envy as the mortals of this realm bow down before me!"

"That will not happen, demon," the Spirit of Justice shouted.

"It seems I was not the only one to be drawn here.  How very tiresome. Soon, I will be the queen this world deserves.  And, _you_? You will be the first of my loyal subjects. I had no idea I could enter this world!  Had I known, I -" Suddenly the Baroness began to seize and choke, falling to the ground as she grasped and clawed at her throat.  Before their very eyes, she transformed into a massive pride demon.

Anders promptly sprung a barrier up around the companions as the demon brought its enormous charged claws down upon them, electrifying the pools of water collected on the ground by the marsh's perpetual and soaking rain.  Careful to avoid them, Mhairi charged the demon, with Oghren and the spirit close behind her. Amell swirled a blizzard over them, slowing the demon and freezing the ground. She hit the demon with a blast of winter's chill, freezing it in place.  Oghren swung his axe and separated the monster from its head.

"And so, it is done.  For what it is worth, thank you.  I have fulfilled my vow. May the victims of that woman's madness now rest in peace."

"So, what now?" Amell asked the spirit.

"It seems I cannot return to the fade.  I am trapped here, in the body of this...Grey Warden?"  The spirit put his hands to his head, closing his eyes. "There are memories within this man's mind.  They, they are difficult to see. But, he was a Grey Warden...slain by the darkspawn...the one called the First?"

"You can't simply reverse the process and go back?"  Anders queried.

"Mortals come into the fade all the time, but no spirit who has left the fade to come to this world has _ever_ returned.  Only the darkest spirits, the ones you call 'demons,' desire to ever come here. My kind, does not. Yet, here _I_ am. It seems I am at a loss.  I know nothing of this world, and have only a few memories of this Grey Warden to draw from."

"What if we just took his body?"  Mhairi proposed.

" _What?!_ "  Anders exclaimed.

"You know, kill him.  Send him back to the fade that way."

"I know _what_ you mean, _why_ would you do that?!"

"I do not wish to die, do you?  I would be gone forever, something else."  The spirit turned to Amell. "You seem to be a creature of good character, and you are of this world.  What shall I do, mortal? Can you advise me?"

Amell turned to face her companions.  "Thoughts?"

"I say we kill him," Mhairi bluntly stated.

"Aye," Oghren agreed.

"He likely saved our lives by helping us out of the fade so quickly!  He is _not_ a demon!"  Anders argued.

"Not _yet_ ," Mhairi countered.

In truth, Amell agreed with Mhairi and Oghren.  However, she could also see Anders was most distressed at the prospect of ending the spirit's predicament the swift way.  Of course, she couldn't very well just let an abomination loose in the world, either. Amell again faced the spirit. "Well, the body you inhabit belonged to a Grey Warden, and technically, he belongs to me."

"You mean continue this mortal's mission as a Grey Warden?  Hmm, it was a darkspawn who murdered this mortal most ignobly, and the ones who commanded it yet live.  To avenge his death... _yes!_ That would be a purpose. Very well, I will join you, Grey Warden."

"Should we call you 'Kristoff?'

The spirit shook his head.  "That is not my name. I have no name, only a virtue to which I aspire.  If I am to need a name, then use that. I am 'Justice,' and pleased to travel at your side."


	11. Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little girl talk helps the Warden decide her path, and Anders doesn't much like where that path leads.

As Justice methodically paced the perimeter of the campsite, and Anders and Ogren sat by the fire eating and drinking, Mhairi decided now would be an opportune time to talk to the Warden-Commander, _woman to woman_.

Mhairi poked her head inside Amell's tent, who politely invited her inside.  Mhairi got right down to business. "Did you do it for _him_? Because, I think I know you well enough to know we were supposed to kill the abomination, and I don't want to think you were so easily swayed by your affections."

"It's not always as simple as just doing what you should or shouldn't, in fact, it hardly ever is."

"The Maker says - " Mhairi started.

"How do you know?" Amell interrupted, uninterested in hearing any part of the Chant.  "You've only been told what a human says the Maker said. You've met enough humans to know what they're like, right?"

"So, you don't believe in the Maker?"  Mhairi raised an eyebrow, almost afraid of what the woman she idolized would say.  _If she says no, how can I reconcile that?_

"I didn't say that.  I just take what other men say with the weight it deserves.  Look, if you believe in the Maker, then you believe He created everything in this world... _everything_.  Who am I to insist He made a mistake? Who am I to decide the spirit's fate? Perhaps, this is a lesson his Maker needs him to learn.  Would you have me circumvent that? Circumvent _Him_?"

Mhairi had never considered it in those terms before, assuming inaction was typically the coward's way out.  "No, I suppose not."

Amell smiled.  "To directly answer your question, no, I didn't do it for Anders.  I did it for Justice."

"At least you kept him close, where he could be watched," Mhairi conceded.

"I'm not a fool."

Mhairi smiled, she knew that.  "That's evident, at least, it is to me, Commander."

Amell smiled appreciatively.  "You can call me Lily, Mhairi.  We are friends, are we not?"

"Of course, Com -, I mean, Lily.  But, why does everyone call you 'Amell?'"

"It's my shield, like 'Warden-Commander.'"

"Do you protect?  Or, do you use it to hide?"

Lily smiled and bowed her head.  "I very much admire you, Mhairi, do you know that?"

"Me?  Really?"  Mhairi was taken aback.  Lily Amell, the Hero of Fereldan, the Warden-Commander...admired _her_?

"Oh, yes.  You are honest, kind, strong, intelligent, courageous, and you have an open and virtuous heart.  A true example of what any woman should aspire to be. Garavel is a very smart and fortunate man, and you have made an excellent choice."

Mhairi found herself slightly embarrassed by the compliment.  "The same is rightfully said of you, Lily. I've never admired anyone more."

Amell dropped her gaze to her hands folded in her lap.  "I'm afraid my heart isn't that welcoming anymore."

"You're talking about Anders," Mhairi accurately concluded.

"I could easily love him, but my heart still belongs to the man who tried to give it back.  The Templar-Commander told me Alistair is still in Amaranthine...waiting for me."

"You should go see him."

Amell shook her head.  "I don't think I'm strong enough."

"What?  You're kidding, right?"

"I know what you're thinking, but darkspawn aren't nearly as terrifying."  Mhairi laughed, which involuntarily spread to the Warden-Commander, as well.  "I'm serious!" Lily attempted to protest through her giggles. "You try standing in front of that hunk of a man and telling him ' _no_!'"

"Even I'm not _that_ virtuous,"  Mhairi chuckled. "So, why tell him 'no' at all?  Maybe you should let your heart do the talking, and listening."

"My heart is broken, conflicted, untrustworthy."

"Then, you need to give it an answer."

"Garavel is a very fortunate man indeed," Lily smiled, and Mhairi blushed.

"Excuse me, ladies?"  Anders called from outside of the tent.

Mhairi arched her eyebrows and the women exchanged knowing glances.  "Yes?" Mhairi answered, stifling a giggle, and pulling back the tent flap to reveal his face.

Anders smiled nervously, but proceeded with his intent.  "I was wondering if I could speak with the Warden-Commander, when you are finished, of course."

Mhairi winked at Lily, "Certainly, I was just heading to bed.  Goodnight, _Lily_." Mhairi purposely spoke, as she exited the tent with a smile bright enough to light up a moonless night.

"Did she just call you, 'Lily'?"  Anders asked, as he took a seat on the ground next to her.

"She did.  It is my first name."

"Are we not friends, too?  Why have you never told me?"  Anders was clearly insulted.

"You never asked."

"That sounds like an excuse to hide.  Why hide from me?"

"It's not personal.  I would think if anyone would understand, it would be you.  How many people have you been close to in your life, since joining the Circle?"

Anders knew exactly why she did it, but then again, 'Anders' wasn't his real name either.  "Not many."

"The Circle is cruel to those who excel, or stand out in any way."

"That's the truth.  At any rate, it's a beautiful and fitting name."  He smiled, and although she returned it, he could tell it was reluctant.

Lily swiftly tried to shift the subject.  "There was something else you wanted to discuss?"

"Ah, yes.  I wanted to thank you, for what you did for Justice.  I'm not sure it was the _right_ thing, and it definitely wasn't the easiest or popular option."

"It will be interesting to see what happens, that's for sure."

Anders eyes locked into hers, and said everything his lips were unwilling to divulge.

Lily broke his gaze, and bowed her head.  She didn't want to say what had to be said, anymore than he wanted to hear it.  "Anders, I know you want something more than friendship to be between us, and perhaps I would like that someday, too.  But, right now, my friendship is all I'm prepared to offer."

"You really think Alistair deserves your love?  After what he did?"

"Whether he does or not, you deserve someone who isn't unsure, and still in love with someone else.  Besides, if you can't stop running, what makes you think I can?"

Anders began to say something, but thought better of it.  Whatever was stopping her she had to resolve on her own, and nothing he could say would change that.  "Good evening, _Warden-Commander_ ," Anders tossed out as he left her tent.


	12. Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Confessions and Reconciliations.

"I killed your Templar-Commander and five Templars," Lily announced from the doorway.

"I expected as much," said the King, seated in front the fire, his back to the door, like an amateur.

"Before or after?"

Alistair smiled.  "I'm sure she forced the issue.  I'm glad you came."

"You need to go home."

"I told you, not without you, or it's no home at all."

"I hear the nobles plot against you."

"So, what?  It's what nobles do.  I never wanted this. Not any of it."

"But, you didn't want Anora to have it either.  You didn't exactly give me much of a choice, or decide to take the reins of your own destiny."

"You're right about that.  And, I could give up the throne right now, but that wouldn't matter, would it?"

"Not to me.  It's not the crown, Alistair.  It's the man you became once you put it on."

"Can't you see?  I don't want to be _that_ man!  I thought I was doing what I had to, what duty and blood commanded.  Then, I was aptly reminded of the man _you_ made me. I was afraid and I made a mistake, are you so perfect?"

"I don't make any claim to perfection."  Lily thought about the thing she still hadn't told him.  "You made me feel like I was _beneath_ you, Alistair. For no other reason than I was born a mage, something I have no control over, any more than you could help being born Maric's bastard son."

He dropped his head.  "I know. I'm sorry. More sorry than I've ever been in my life, or ever will be again.  I'm ashamed I made you feel that way, when the truth is there is none that can be put above you."

Lily sighed and looked away, ashamed to meet his gaze.  "Alistair, if we're going to lay it all out on the table, there is something I have to tell you.  You remember the ritual with Morrigan? The night before the archdemon?"

" _Ugh_ , don't remind me.  But, I'd do it a thousand times if it meant I didn't have to lose you."

"Well, you might change your mind after you hear what I have to say."

"I'm not going to turn into a spider or something, am I?"

"The ritual was...sort of...a fertility rite.  It produced a child. A child that absorbed the archdemon soul."

Alistair was silent for so long, Lily began to wonder if he'd speak to her again at all.  Finally, he spoke so low it sounded more like a growl. "So, you had me create a child, which you then immediately cursed."

"I'm just going to go."

"Oh, no you don't!  You gave me an earful in the chapel, you're going to hear this!  I get why you wanted to do the ritual, what I don't understand is not telling me the whole truth!"

"You didn't ask."

Alistair stood and faced her.  "That's an excuse! You knew I wouldn't have done it if I had known!  You selfishly cared more about not losing me than the harm this ritual would do to all of us, as well as, some innocent child!"

"I know, and I'm sorry.  Believe me, ever since, I've wished the archdemon did kill me."

Alistair sighed, he wanted to be angry, but couldn't.  He also didn't have the heart, or strength, to punish her, as she had done him.  "Because of what _I_ did. It seems we both made the same mistake, not trusting each other enough to work it out together."  Alistair crossed the room to her, taking her hand in his and guiding her in from the doorway. He took her hand and placed it on the side of his face, clasping his fingers over hers and closing his eyes, as he inhaled her scent, something he feared to never breathe again. A tear escaped the corner of his eye when he opened them again. "Can we just forgive each other and start again?"

Lily's stomach rolled and rumbled, and her lips began to tremble as she tried to hold herself together.  "I, I don't know," she mumbled. His touch was like fire, igniting everything in her she had extinguished all these months without him.  She closed her eyes, forgetting all else, as his lips found their way to hers. Alistair wrapped his arms around her waist, and she welcomed the weight of his body against hers, as he pulled her close.  Each pass his hands made over her bare skin woke her, _charged_ her, like a thunderstorm roaring over a silent plain. She hadn't realized how dead she was, until his kiss reminded her what it felt like to be alive.

"I've missed you so much," he whispered, his voice shaken and muffled as he buried his face in her neck and squeezed her tightly.  He had begun to believe he'd never hold her again. "Please, Lily, I _can't_ lose you. Not after all we've been through. Nothing else means anything to me, _nothing_."

There was no denying she missed him too.  A mutual 'do-over' would be so easy, but could they ever really forgive each other?  When the relief wore off, Alistair would again be angry with her for what she had done, maybe even come to resent her.  And, the fear of his inevitable departure would hang over her like a weighted curtain. "I forgive you, Alistair, but, forgetting...that's something else entirely.  At some point, you're going to decide I proved you right about mages. We are _all_ dangerous and untrustworthy."

"That is not what I think of mages, or you.  It's what I think about Morrigan and her Mother, but not _you_."

"Or, do you deceive even yourself?  You abandoned me once, and I'll always be waiting for it to happen again.  Alistair, I love you more than I knew a person could love another, but putting this back together will take time.  Neither of us can concentrate on our duty with this unresolved, nor are we blessed with the time deserved to devote ourselves to that."

"I don't care, I'll do whatever it takes."

"I don't know.  We're shackled by more duty than we deserve.  Maybe Wynne was right."

"Don't say that.  Not now." He kissed her again, deep and full of remembrance.

"But, what do y _ou_ want, Alistair?  What is the _point_ in the story of you?"

"I just want to be with you.  I meant it when I said I care about nothing else."  He cradled the side of her face with his palm, and she turned and placed a kiss in his hand, as she reached up with her own palm and placed it over his.

"All the pathways to me lead you away from your blood, your duty."

"It doesn't have to.  I know that now. I don't want to be King, I never wanted it.  First, I belong to _you_ , then, whatever remains, the Grey Wardens can claim."

"And, Fereldan?"

"Honestly, I say let Eamon have it.  I follow you, Warden-Commander." Alistair stepped back, crossed his arm against his chest and bowed.  "No matter what comes, from this moment on, we face this life _together_... _always_."

Lily smiled and jumped into his arms, attacking him with her lips.  

For the first time in months, Alistair laughed.  



	13. Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Old friends and foes reappear, as Lily begins to see the bigger picture.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING for: kidnapping, drugging.

Alistair couldn't have been happier when he woke with her laying against him.  He could scarcely believe his good fortune, and even rubbed his eyes to ensure he no longer dreamt.

Suddenly, the door flung open and Teagan stood there, looking quite incensed.  "How entirely expected," the elder noble seethed at the sight before him.

Startled from his bliss, Alistair sat up in the bed quickly, inadvertently waking Lily as well.  "What the -"

"Your nation teeters on the edge of ruin, and here you are...in bed with the _mage_.  A mage who refuses to learn her place!"

"Hey!  You only still live because of this mage!"  Alistair asserted angrily. "Your brother, your nephew, your _mistress_ , your village...all of it only still exists because of her, so you'll watch your mouth!"

"You don't rule me, _boy_ ," Teagan sneered.

"I don't rule anyone anymore."  Alistair stood, in all his naked glory, and picked up the crown sitting on the bedside table.  He handed it to Teagan, "And, I'm not a mud-covered _boy_ anymore."

Lily smiled proudly, satisfied with her man in every way.

"I suppose this is _your_ doing," Teagan directed at Lily.

"Alistair makes his own decisions."

Teagan laughed, "Since when?"

Lily had already had enough of his mouth.  "Exactly, what is your problem, Teagan? You have what you want.  Leave us be."

"This is not about what _I_ want, and there are plans for him you will _not_ circumvent," Teagan argued.

"You have no more business here.  Leave." Alistair stood firm, between Teagan and Lily, mildly concerned she'd set him ablaze at any moment.

"You don't really believe I came all this way unprepared for this, do you?"

With his hands shackled to his waist, and his head bowed in shame, Jowan appeared in the doorway next to Teagan.  "I'm sorry, Lily," the blood mage mumbled.

"Jowan?  What are you -"

*******

 Lily bolted upright and screamed, as if she had just escaped a nightmare.

"Good, you're finally awake."

"Jowan?"   She blinked the blur from her eyes and looked around, immediately recognizing the dungeons below Redcliffe castle.  

"Yes, I'm in the cell next to you.  I'm really sorry, Lily. They made me do it.  Said they'd execute me right there if I didn't."

Lily assumed as much.  Above all else, Jowan was a self-preserving coward.  "Is Alistair alright?"

"Sort of."

"What does _that_ mean?"

"He is unharmed, but he does not remember you, or anything before he woke up back here in Redcliffe.  Now, he only knows what Teagan tells him."

Lily pounded on the stone wall between them.  " _What did you do?!_ "

"I, I took his memory, Lily.  I'm sorry! I really am!"

"Is this payback for the tower, Jowan?!"

"No, I swear!  You saved my life before, why would I want to do anything to hurt you now?  Look, Irving already knew about _my Lily_ and me. We were going to be caught no matter what, and you did try to talk us out of it."

"And, you lied about being a blood mage."

"That, too.  But, you trusted me to go into the fade and save Connor.  You gave me a chance when no one else would, and you saved my life.  So, I returned the favor."

"What do you mean, _'you returned the favor'_?"

"Teagan wanted the potion to kill you.  I made sure it didn't."

"Does Eamon know about all of this?"

"I don't think so.  He is still in Denerim."

"So, now what?  We're both left down here to rot?"

"Well, it seems you've made a lot of friends in Amaranthine, particularly with the nobles," Jowan said sarcastically.  "They made a deal with Teagan. They would provide the witnesses needed to implicate you in the Templar Knight-Commander's murder and throw their weight and gold behind our new King, if Teagan would ensure your execution.  Although, now it is to be a public one."

"Let me guess...he's going to have Alistair kill me."

"Correct.  But, I have a plan."

"This plan better include returning Alistair's memory, Jowan, or _I will fucking kill you_."

"Yes, well, about that -"

"Jowan!"

"I don't know how to reverse it, or even if it can be."

"You better hope it can!"

"Shhhhh!  Someone is coming!"

A petite, blonde woman appeared in front of Lily's cell, and she honestly wouldn't have been more surprised it if were the Divine herself standing before her.  "Anora? What are you doing here? Alistair banished you to Orlais."

Relishing in her moment of victory over the Warden, Anora smiled gloatingly.  "It seems the King has had a change of heart."

"You think so?  You're pathetic.  An ugly and desperate thief with _bad hair_.  Tell me, what's it like to only be able to get a man if Daddy bought him, or a blood mage cursed him?"

"I loved Cailan!"

"You loved Cailan's _title_.  You know, for the longest time, I believed Loghain set Cailan up for his own ambitions, but he didn't did he?  He did it for his spoiled, politicking little brat, who was about to lose _everything_."

"Cailan loved me!"

"Yeah , that's why he told me he had left you.  Right before he stuck his tongue down my throat the first night we met in Ostagar.  I don't know if you ever got to partake, but it's a shame if you didn't. He was... _fantastic_.  He and Alistair are not so different, you know." Lily grinned.

Anora lunged toward the cage and attempted to grab a hold of the Warden-Commander.  "Shut your lying mouth!" She screeched.

"It's easier to believe that, I get it."

Anora stepped back and composed herself.  "Tell me Warden. If that’s what you believe, what do you think I will do with Alistair after he severs your head like he did my father?"

"Alistair will _not_ kill me, Anora.  I don't care what spell you've put on him."

"If I were you, I'd cling to that non-existent sliver of hope, as well."

*******

After Anora's departure from the dungeon, Lily stewed silently in her cell.  She needed to get a message to Vigil's Keep. If anyone would know how to reverse the spell on Alistair, Anders would.  If not, he could help her find it. _I knew not letting Alistair kill Anora was going to come back and bite me._

"Are you ready to hear my plan?"  Jowan asked patiently.

"I guess," Lily responded curtly, obviously still irritated by Anora's visit.

"I have a friend, Valena, you met her when you were here last."

"Owen, the blacksmith's daughter.  I remember."

"We met when she ran through here after you freed her upstairs, and, well, we struck up a friendship.  She brings me food, books...we have grown _close_."

"Get to the point, Jowan."

"Right.  Her father has the master key, the one used to make all the guards' keys.  She'll be back with it tonight."

"If you're so _close_ and she has the key, why hasn't she freed you already?"

"We have gone on outings at night, but I always return by morning, when the guard comes to check."

"Why would you do that, Jowan?  Why not just escape?"

"If I run away, they will look for me, find me, and kill me this time."

"You're not very confident in your abilities, are you?"

"It's not just that.  It's Connor, too. He is still _very_ disturbed."

"I thought he didn't remember anything from his time possessed."

"He doesn't, but it's coming out in his dreams.  He comes down here in the mornings, and tells me about them.  Right now, he thinks they are only nightmares, but I don't think that will last."

"Last I spoke to Eamon in Denerim, he was making plans to send Connor to the Circle.  Why is he still here?"

"Isolde."

" _Of course_."  If there was anyone Lily hated as much as Anora, it was Eamon's Orlesian mage wife, Isolde.  

"What about Teagan?  If he didn't hate mages before, he certainly does now.  I can't imagine he'd want to keep an untrained and highly susceptible child mage around."

"He can't deny Isolde.  You know she's a mage, too, right?"

"Yeah, I picked up on that right away.  That, and her not-so-secret relationship with Teagan.  There has to be a way we can use this. When is Valena coming back?"

"A few hours."

"Good."

"Not good."

"Why?"

"Now that you're awake, and have already pissed off Anora, they will probably try and sentence you as soon as possible."

"Shit."  _Me and my smart-ass mouth._   "We have to stall somehow, and get a message to Vigil's Keep.  Hopefully, someone is already looking."

They heard the rattling of the lock on the door in the next room, leading to the cells.  "Someone's coming! Pretend to be gravely ill! _Say nothing_."

Lily quickly laid on the floor.

"You said the potion would kill her, apostate."

"Look at her, Ser.  She will expire soon enough."

Teagan glanced over to the other cell containing Lily, sprawled on the floor, seemingly unconscious.  "Anora said she was awake, and quite talkative."

"She collapsed just after Anora left, Ser.  Made a strange gurgling noise, too." Jowan shivered elaborately for show.  "She is strong, but a day or two more and she will expire for certain, Ser."

Teagan put his face to the bars of Jowan's cell, casting his intimidating gaze on the apostate.  "I want a guard posted at that door," Teagan ordered without looking at the three soldiers standing behind him.  "The _minute_ she wakes, apostate, I want to know."

"Of course, Ser."  One of the guards positioned himself outside their room, by the door, while another placed bread and dried meat in Jowan's cell.  "Thank you, Ser," he said humbly.

"Hmph," is all Teagan offered on his way out.

Jowan stuck his arm through the bars, and dropped his food in front of Lily's cell.  Quickly, she pulled it inside before the guard noticed the movement. "Thank you," she whispered.

Jowan sighed heavily.  "I'm sorry, Lily. I don't know how Valena can get in now," he said as softly as he could.

_At least we know we can stall_ , Lily thought.


	14. Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Wardens hunt for their Commander, and run into a friend of hers.

When Lily insisted on the detour to Amaranthine alone, Anders knew she was going to see _him_.  And, when she failed to return more than a week later, Anders knew it was as big of a mistake as he had perceived.  Thusly, when the trail in Amaranthine pointed to Redcliffe, Anders also knew better than to come alone. Garavel, Mhairi, and Oghren accompanied Anders, who could think of little else but what tortures the Warden-Commander was surely being forced to endure.  The shattered vial pieces on the the Inn floor told him all he needed to know. _Lily was taken._

"What do you think happened?"  Mhairi finally had the courage to ask.

"I'm not sure," Anders replied absently.  It had been days since any of them had slept more than a couple of hours at a time, usually while still atop their horses.  He found it difficult, but not impossible to believe Alistair would take her against her will; however, he had begun to fear greater forces were likely at work here.  It even occurred to him Alistair might be a victim as well.

"She coulda let us know if she was gonna take a vacation," Oghren grumbled.

"I doubt it was a voluntary one," Mhairi insisted.  "It could be the Templars," she suggested carefully.

The same thought had burrowed itself inside Anders, and was top in his list of suspects, considering what he'd done.   _I'll never forgive myself if she dies because of me_. However, lodged deep within him, as stubborn as a latched tick, was the suspicion that it was worse than that...much, _much worse_.  He wondered if he hadn't made a mistake in not allowing Garavel to bring the soldiers, believing a small group would be less apt to draw attention.

As the four hooded strangers rode into Redcliffe, they went mostly unnoticed, and headed directly for the tavern on the hill.

"Alright, Oghren, who knows the Warden here?"  Anders asked as they dismounted.

"I wasn't with her then, but from how I heard it, everyone does," Oghren grunted.

"Alright, you and Garavel wait here while Mhairi and I go inside," Anders instructed.

"Aye," Oghren affirmed.

Anders followed Mhairi inside the tavern, and up to the bar.  A round man with a permanent scowl on his face greeted them, and asked them what they wanted.  Anders pulled a sovereign from his pocket and placed it on the bar. "Information."

The plump man scooped the coin into his hand, "Name's Lloyd.  I'll provide what I can, no promises though."

"Have you seen any Grey Wardens around the village?"

"Can't say that I have, not since the blight ended.  But, that's what they do isn't it? Disappear after puttin' down a blight."

"What about the King, is he at the castle?"

"Is now.  Been gone some time before, though, and not to Denerim.  Odd thing," the bartender leaned in close to Anders. "Hear tell Queen Anora is unbanished, at the castle as well, and will be Queen again."

The information grabbed Anders by the throat and choked the life from him.  It meant every moment Lily spent in their custody was borrowed time. The former Queen didn't give up easy, he'd give her that.  "What about the Arl, is he around?"

"Naw, still in Denerim I hear, dealin' with the squabblin' nobles."

"So, who is in charge?"

"That'd be Bann Teagan, the Arl's brother."

Anders pulled another gold coin from his pocket and placed it on the bar.  "Thank you. We'll take two ales." He and Mhairi walked their drinks over to a table by the door.

"This doesn't bode well,"  Mhairi whispered as they took their seats.

"No, it doesn't," Anders admitted.  "Our advantage is no one knows who you are.  You and Garavel should be able to get into the castle without being recognized.  You could easily pass as guards."

"What do we do once inside?"

"She's most likely being held in the dungeons.  You'll have to take the key from the guard on duty."

"How do you know all this?"

"I've been held in a dungeon a time or two."

"I can see why she likes you."

Anders smiled and looked down at his mug.  "Thank you, but I'm afraid it's not meant to be."

"Who can say that?  Tomorrow hasn't even come yet."

Anders held up his mug and clinked it against hers, "That's what I like most about you, Mhairi, your unparalleled optimism."

Anders glanced around the room, taking stock of who might have noticed them, when he thought he spotted a familiar face.  The hooded man, alerted to Anders' recognition, quickly got up and headed for the door. Anders jumped up and bolted out of the tavern after him.  "Grab him!" Anders shouted to Oghren and Garavel, but the man was voluntarily stopped already. The mysterious stranger removed his hood and smiled at Oghren.

"Zevran!"  Oghren bellowed, and slapped the elf on the back.

Anders sighed greatly with relief.  A rogue assassin loyal to the Warden was _exactly_ who they needed.  Anders grabbed Zevran's hand with both of his and shook it vigorously.  "I honestly couldn't be happier to see you, friend."

"This calls for a drink," Oghren announced as he pushed open the tavern door, and the men followed him back inside.

Garavel escorted Mhairi to the bar, where he ordered another round for all of them.  Her smile was brighter than the full moon that was out tonight. "Feeling better about our chances, are we?"

"Absolutely," she beamed.  "Zevran is very skilled, and one of Lily's best friends.  The Maker himself must have sent him."

"I believe it.  After all, He sent me _you_."  Garavel put his arm around her waist, as he bowed his head to plant a quick kiss on her cheek.

Mhairi was still blushing as they delivered the drinks to the table, and joined the others.

"Are you here about the Warden as well?"  Anders asked.

"Ah, it is best an assassin's business stays his own, is it not?"  Zevran answered coyly.

"Fair enough," Anders submitted.  "But, you _do_ know Lily is missing?"

"I started hearing rumors a few days ago, that Alistair had returned here, instead of to Denerim.  And, that Anora was here as well. I hear there is a wedding tonight, and there are far more nobles in town than there should be.  I have also heard rumor of a new prisoner requiring extra attention, although I did not suspect it was the Warden-Commander."

"This wedding is just the distraction we need," Garavel proposed.  "We get in, and get out with the Warden-Commander before anyone notices."

"It is something I can do alone," Zevran offered.  "I know another way into the cellars that leads directly to the dungeon, without going through the castle."

"I'll go with you anyway," Anders insisted.  "She may need healing, or to be carried out."

"Good thinking," Mhairi agreed.

Oghren put his mug to his lips and emptied it, letting out a belch loud enough to startle the locals that filled the tavern.  "So, what are we waitin' fer?"

 


	15. Fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anora's plan comes into focus, and Alistair is fit to be tied, literally.

"Alistair!  Stop fidgeting!"  Anora barked from atop her dressing podium, as servants scurried beneath her, measuring and sewing her gown in place.

"Sorry.  It itches."  Alistair apologized, tugging on his collar.

"I don't care!"  Anora snapped.

" _That's obvious_ ," Alistair quietly snarked.  Truthfully, the stiff and scratchy wedding clothes were the least of his problems.  He had barely slept in the few days since he woke with no memory, after the mage's assassination attempt.  He dreamt of a woman he'd never seen before, and monsters he never wanted to see again. His fiance' was a shrew, and his uncle ordered him around like a dog.  None of this felt right, in fact, it all felt very, _very wrong_. _How could this be my life?_ He wondered. He felt like a marionette with too many strings, and the curtain thrown over his head.  Alistair stepped down from his podium and headed toward the door.

"Alistair!  Where are you going?!"  Anora called after him.

"I, uh, I'll be right back.  I have to, uh, relieve myself,"  he lied, as he practically sprinted through the doors and into the hallway.

"Honestly, Isolde, he's almost more trouble than he's worth," Anora groused.

"Soon, you'll be too busy to notice," Isolde reminded her.  "You could also try more honey and less vinegar."

Anora scoffed.  "I already tried playing _nice_ , yielding literally the same result." _It's just until I conceive an heir_ , Anora assured herself. One thing was for certain, she wasn't going to make the same mistake twice. Anora had only slept with Cailan a few times in the beginning, but it had been years by the time of his death. Back then, they were young, Cailan was still quite malleable, and gaining his obedience was as easy at batting her eyelashes.  

However, the more Cailan grew in age, and the longer he was King, that slowly began to change.  Someone put the idea in his head that _he_ was in control, that _he_ was King, that he could _change_ things.  She wasn't going to give his brother the same opportunity to leave her with nothing, and grasping for what is rightfully hers.   _I control the nobles, I do all the work. I will bear the Theirin heir, and raise a King who will do as he is told._

It gave her great pleasure knowing she had fooled even the cynical Teagan, who still had no inkling of her plans for her father's murderer.  Alternatively, Eamon would take less convincing, as she knew he wouldn't be around long enough to protest.  The Crow she paid would see to that - a deal she made with Isolde to sway Teagan to her side.  

"Well?" The former, and soon again, Queen said expectantly, as Teagan entered the room.

Teagan propped his hands on his hips.  "She is unconscious now. The apostate says she will expire in a day or two."

Anora gave an exaggerated huff and rolled her eyes.

Isolde was much more accommodating.  "Darling, has it occurred to you that the Warden is aware of what we intend to do with her, and is faking in order to press for time?"

" _How_ would she know?"

"The apostate, Teagan!"  Anora exclaimed impatiently.

"They were in the Circle together, darling.  Don't you remember?"

"Ah, yes.   _That_ is why he made the potion too weak to kill her."

"Charge him as an accomplice and we'll take care of both of them in the morning.  The rest of today and tonight is about _me_ ," Anora proclaimed.

Isolde placed her hand on Teagan's chest.  "Darling, Alistair has run off before the fitter finished dressing him.  Would you be a dear and fetch him?"

"Of course, my pet," Teagan eagerly obliged, placing his hand over hers, before turning to leave.

Once Teagan was gone, Anora stepped down from the podium and dismissed the servants, as she strutted toward Isolde.  "Do you have the potion?"

"As promised," Isolde placed the vial in the Queen's palm.

"And, the spell?"

"It is simple enough," Isolde handed her a small, folded piece of parchment.  "Since he has no memory of his Templar training, Alistair will not be able to dispel the enchantment, nor will any other mage or Templar without a great knowledge of blood magic.  The potion will ensure conception, and also incapacitate him for, well, long enough to accomplish your goal."  



	16. Sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alistair finally takes the reins of his own destiny, with the Warden's help, of course.

Alistair found himself in the courtyard behind the castle, ripping apart his clothes in a furious frenzy.  He was tired of being told what to do, what to say, where to go, what to think, what to _wear_. He had no one he felt he could turn to for the truth, and had already decided he'd rather jump off of a cliff, than marry that cruel cow.  He felt more like the court jester than the King. _The assassin! Perhaps, he is the only one who can be counted upon to tell me the truth._

Just as Alistair was about to descend into the cellars, Teagan exited the castle into the courtyard, obviously looking for him.  " _Alistair_! What have you done to your wedding clothes?!"

"They were itchy," Alistair remarked, as he stood there bare-chested, with the tattered pieces of his vest and jacket strewn about the garden.

Teagan sighed disapprovingly.  "Honestly, Alistair, it is only for a few hours."

_Hmph_.  ' _Honestly_.'   _He uses that word like he knows what it means._  "I'm not going."

"Excuse me?"

"I just don't think now is the right time.  I don't even remember the woman, and I have a hard time believing I _ever_ had any affections for _her_."

"This decision was made months ago, _by you._  Must I remind you of all the preparations that have gone into place, all the nobles who travelled to see their new King wed their beloved Queen?"

"They only like her because they don't have to live with her."

Although the boy spoke the truth, Teagan couldn't risk his alliance merely to accommodate Alistair's distaste of Anora.  Alistair's cooperation was _mandatory_. "Where were you going?"

"To the dungeon.  I want to talk to the assassin."

Teagan's first instinct was to forbid it; however, it had become evident that lies wouldn't keep Alistair in line.  Perhaps, the truth would. "Alright, Alistair. I'll escort you."

Alistair blocked Teagan's path with his arm.  "I want to talk to him alone."

" _Her_ ," Teagan corrected.  "The mage is a _woman_."

"A woman?"   _Is it the woman?  From the naughty dreams mixed with nightmares?_

"I'm afraid I must insist on escorting you, Your Highness.  Even in her condition, she is still very powerful."

"What condition?  Have the guards been beating a woman?!"

"Of course not," Teagan insisted.  "From the potion used to subdue her."

"Oh, alright then.  After you, Uncle." Alistair followed Teagan into the cellars, then the dungeons, making note of the route himself.   _Why would this woman want to kill me? Have I done something to the mages? Have I done something to her?_

Jowan's eyes bulged when he saw the King enter the dungeon with Teagan, and spoke loudly and quickly.  "King Alistair and Bann Teagan! What an honorable surprise!" Jowan kneeled in his cell and bowed before the King, hoping to give Lily a few moments to plan whatever she was going to do.  The men, however, passed by him without acknowledgment, to stand in front of Lily's cell.

As soon as Alistair saw her, he felt as if all the blood instantly drained from his body.   _It is her!_ He _did_ know her, and had seen _all_ of her, but seeing her like this instantly struck mounting dread in him.  She lay on the floor, tossing, whispering his name, and begging for his help. The sound yanked his heart from his chest. " _Open the cell!_ "  Alistair forcefully commanded.

Teagan nodded to the guard at the door, and he trotted over to unlock the cell.  Alistair rushed to Lily's side, and picked her head up in his hands, as her eyes popped open and her arms flew around his neck. "I'm so relieved you are unharmed," she whispered.

_I doubt she would worry about my condition if she tried to kill me._ It was all the confirmation he needed.  Alistair turned around just in time to see Teagan slam the cell door shut.  

"A miraculous recovery, just as I suspected there would be.  It seems you need to be reminded of what is as stake here. _Both_ of you.  The time for lies is over, on both of our ends, I hope you can see that, as I do.  Apparently, even a blood mage's spell won't keep you apart, so, it comes to this. Play your role, or we'll separate you _permanently_ , the only way we know we can.  Do as you're told, and we'll let the Warden go. On my honor."

"You have no honor!"  Lily shouted hoarsely back at him.

Alistair pulled Lily close, everything else around him was wrong, but _she_ felt right.  "I don't know what you're up to, Teagan, but I won't be a part of it!"

"Of course _you_ don't, nephew.  But, _she_ does. I'll give her some time to talk some sense into you," Teagan answered, already on his way out.

Alistair turned to her, "Who _are_ you and why do I feel like I have to kiss you or I'll _die_?"

"Because... _this_ ," Lily put her hands on the sides of his face and drew him into her, and she pressed her lips to his.

Alistair's mind was flooded with images of them together, fighting the monsters from his nightmares, of her naked in his arms.

"My name is Lily, we are both Grey Wardens, and we love each other.  Anything else you've been told is untrue, and meant to manipulate you."

"If you didn't try to kill me, what happened to my memory?"

Jowan cleared his throat and spoke up from his cell.  "Uh, sorry, that was me, Ser."

"Teagan forced him to use blood magic to take your memory.  Right after you told him you wouldn't be King. I'll find a way to reverse it, Alistair, I promise."

"That makes sense.  I just told him I wouldn't marry Anora, and here we are."

Lily smiled and rested her head on his chest, "Nothing can keep us apart."

"Death can," Jowan interrupted.  "That's what you'll get if you don't do what they want."

"He's right.  If I don't stay King and marry her, they'll kill you."

"Alistair, they are going to kill me as soon as you marry her, and Anora is going to kill you as soon as she bears your heir."

"What?! No way is _that_ happening, either of those things.  Why are they doing this if I don't even want to be King?"

"It's bigger than what you want Alistair.  Your are the last of your bloodline. A direct descendant of King Calenhad Theirin, the first King of Fereldan."  Tears began to well up and her lips trembled, as she connected reality with the words she spoke. "You _belong_ on the throne."

"What's the matter?"

"You were right.  I was selfish."

"I said that?"

"Oh, yes, that and many other things."

"Like what?"

"Like, ' _whatever comes, we face this life together...always._ '"

Alistair smiled, "I like that."

"Me too," she agreed, as he bent down and kissed her again.

"Why is Anora such a big deal?  Who is that shrew, and why does she want to kill me?"

"She was your brother's wife, and Queen, before her father betrayed Cailan, getting him and all of the Grey Wardens in Fereldan killed."

"That witch!  She _has_ to die!"

"Don't worry about that.  She definitely will this time."

" _This time_?"

"When you took her father's head, I made you spare her.  You warned me it was stupid, and I did it anyway."

"So...I was right at least _twice_."  Alistair smiled, then shook his head.  " _Damn_ , taking that traitor's head is something I want to remember.  And, you.  I _really_ want to remember you," he said with a frisky grin.  "Are you why I don't want to be King? They wouldn't let me marry you?"

"At least in part.  You also said you didn't want the responsibility and the hassle of dealing with the nobles and the demands of an entire nation."

"What if I change my mind?"

"It's up to you Alistair, it's your life," Lily said sadly, thinking the delightful design that dangled before them the last time they spoke, was no longer feasible.

He placed his finger under her chin and lifted her head to look at him.  "What if I want to be the King that _changes_ things. One that marries a mage, and tells nobles to go stuff themselves?  One that helps his _people_ , not just himself and his bootlickers."

"Ha!  Then, you'll be a dead King," Jowan scoffed.

"Not with her to protect me."

"Yeah, I've done such a _fantastic_ job already," Lily mocked herself, rolling her eyes.  Alistair laughed, and Lily was more comforted by the sound than anything before.

"We're alive, we're together...you're doing better than you think," he whispered with a wink.

"Not for long," Lily reminded him.  "Teagan will be back to get you soon."

"So, what's the plan?"

"Well, if being the new and different King is what you _really_ want..."  Lily paused for his confirmation.

"It is.  I can't let them get away with this usurpation.  Doing so would make me just as terrible as they are."

"Then...you have to marry Anora."

" _What_?  That is the very thing I wanted to avoid _most_!"

"We can't take them on without Eamon's support.  You have to go through with the ceremony tonight, and head to Denerim first thing in the morning.  I will meet you there."

"But, you said they'd kill you if I married her!"

"They can't kill me if I'm not here, my love."

"We can't just kill them?"

"Not unless you want to deal with a civil war on top of everything else.  If you had your memory, you'd know we've been there and done that already.  It even led us to exactly here.  If you had just let me recruit Loghain to kill the archdemon, we'd have about half the problems we have now."

"So, I wasn't right that _one_ time."

Lily laughed, "Yeah, that's right.  Just the _once_ , Alistair."


	17. Seventeen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The escape from Redcliffe.

The Wardens, and Zevran, stood on the bluffs above the village, staring across the chasm to the castle perched on the adjacent hillside, as the sun began to set.  

Anders palmed the phylacteries in his pocket, touching Lily's made him feel as if he were still close to her.  Although he knew he'd eventually have to give it back, part of him didn't want to, especially if he was going to lose her to Alistair.  He wanted to be an optimist like Mhairi, bide his time and not give up on he and Lily, but Anders was a misanthropic pragmatist. _People could always be counted upon to take the easy road_.  But, what did he know? Maybe being with Alistair was anything but _easy_.

Lily and Alistair had been through things Anders could only imagine; although, in his brief time with the Warden, he'd been given a small taste of what they encountered whilst battling the blight.   _Perhaps, my persistence was wrong._ Originally, Anders only wanted to make Lily feel better, but he discovered he cared for her too, wanted more, and furthering it would just make things worse for her.  He was asking her to meet his expectations, when, in reality, he should have none. For the first time, he was embarrassed for being so forward with a woman. Lily was not the kind of friend he wanted to lose, not ever.  If he wasn't careful, that could be _exactly_ what happens.

"Please, come back with her," Mhairi pleaded.

Garavel put his arm around her, and gave Anders a friendly wink.  "He will my love, don't worry."

"Just hurry up, will ya?"  Oghren anxiously ordered.  

Anders felt as if he could almost ' _sense_ ' her, drawn in the direction of the castle.  He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, as if he could catch her scent in the rustling wind. _She's in there. I don't know how I know it, but I know it._

"Are you ready, my friend?"  Zevran asked Anders.

"I am," Anders replied, feeling as if he'd wretch at any moment.  He wasn't afraid of getting caught, he was ridiculously terrified about seeing Lily, and what his reaction would be.  Although he would try to temper it as best he could, he had no idea what he'd find. Anders followed Zevran into the storehouse and waited, as the assassin retrieved a ring from his pocket and opened the secret door leading into the cellars below the castle.

*******

After Teagan's guards forcefully retrieved Alistair, Lily finally set about finding a way out of her cell.  "Alright, Jowan, we've been here long enough."

"What do you propose?"

"Go ahead.  Blood magic our way out of these cages."

"Be serious for once, Lily."

"I _am_ being serious."

Jowan laughed.  "And, you're supposed to be the smart one!  You think they would keep a blood mage mostly unattended in a place he could cast spells freely?  Look at the ceiling."

Lily turned her gaze upwards, noticing for the first time, the many runes painted on the stone, and carved into the wooden support beams.  "Well, shit."

"Indeed."

"If I didn't sense another Grey Warden besides Alistair, I might be worried."

"Do you know who it is?"

"I'm pretty sure I do.  You do realize you have to come with me."

"What?  Why?"

"When they return and find me gone, they _will_ kill you, Jowan."

"But, I can't leave Connor here like this!  He's distraught and confused and untrained! Possessing him again would literally be child's play for _any_ demon!"

"We will tell Eamon what Isolde is doing.  He'll make sure Connor goes to the Circle."

"Where could I possibly go, Lily?  I'm a wanted blood mage."

"With no phylactery.  The Grey Wardens would value a mage with knowledge of blood magic.  They don't forbid anything when it comes to the blight. I know a particular Grey Warden blood mage that would be very interested to have you assist him, and I'm sure you would learn much from him.  In fact, you just reminded me of who I can ask about countering your spell on Alistair."

"Me?  A mage that never passed his Harrowing?  A Grey Warden, like _you_?"

"Yes, if you want to be more than your past, or even make amends for it."

"I could find out what happened to my Lily."

"You could, although she was pretty upset you lied to her about the blood magic.  If you are able to move on, it might be best to leave that door closed, for her sake.  Just some friendly advice."

"You're probably right.  Valena knows what I am, and she still cares for me.  Can I see her before we leave? I should at least let her know I'm going."

"As long as other circumstances don't prevent it, of course.  If you survive the Joining, you can even invite her to the keep."

" _If_ I survive?"

"It's a risk, Jowan.  But, everything worth something is."

"You risk your life for him.  Over and over. What does Alistair risk for you?"

"He was ready to risk everything, before you and Teagan interfered."

"Is it really a risk to not do something you don't want to do anyway?  And now, he goes the other way and puts you both in danger yet again."

"What's your point, Jowan?"

"What happens when you dispatch his enemies and secure his throne again, only for him to decide he doesn't need you anymore?"

"Alistair will _not_ make that mistake twice.  But, if he does...I'll walk away and _never_ look back."

*******

Until they reached the door to the dungeons, Anders and Zevran encountered no resistance, the guards apparently otherwise occupied with the festivities upstairs.  It was evident the ceremony was in full display. They could hear the robust horns, and the raucous roars of the crowd even below the castle. Anders wondered how Lily was feeling about all of this. _Perhaps, she let him go?_ The closer they came to the cells, the stronger her presence was reinforced in him.

Zevran easily dispatched the single guard posted at the dungeon entrance, retrieved his key, and opened the door.  Anders ran past him, rushing into the dungeon, and made directly for the cells. As he reached the last one, he peered inside to see Lily, calmly sitting on a wooden bench.

Lily looked up at Anders and smiled.  "Well, well. Look who finally got their Warden powers to work."

"I suppose, like most things, it just takes time," he replied with a relieved grin.

"Fancy meeting you here," Zevran said with his raised brow, as he appeared next to Anders and unlocked Lily's cell.

She seemed to be unharmed, although weak enough to have trouble standing on her own.  Anders slid an arm around her waist to help stabilize her, and she flung her arm around his neck and smiled appreciatively.  He wanted to pull her close and kiss her, but, as long as she was safe, he'd settle for this. "Who did this to you?" Anders' tone was low, and clearly holding back a fair amount of rage.

"Anora."

"What are we to do with this one?"  Zevran questioned, nodding his head toward Jowan.

"He's coming with us."

"Who is he?"  Anders asked.

"A friend from the Circle that did a little more than just study blood magic.  You two should be fast friends, and you're going to help me find a way to fix Alistair."

" _Fix_ Alistair?  You know right now he marries Anora," Anders pressed carefully.

"I'll explain once we're out of here.  Let's just go, before someone decides I'm too much of a threat to let live until morning."

When the mages and Zevran emerged from the storehouse back on the bluffs across from the castle, Mhairi squealed and ran to embrace Lily, nearly knocking her over.  "Thank the Maker!"

"Heh-heh, I told ya!  Nuthin' takes the Warden-Commander down!" Oghren bellowed.  

Lily held tight on to Anders, and hugged Mhairi with her free arm.  "I knew you guys wouldn't let me down."

"Never," Anders affirmed.  His eyes met Lily's, and she smiled before quickly looking away.  Anders knew then she had made her choice, and it wasn't him.


	18. Eighteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alistair gets way more than he bargained for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING for RAPE. It is not described, but implied.

Despite the overwhelming urge to vomit, Alistair stood at the table stuffing his face with cheeses and meats, while his new bride gloriously basked amongst the nobles, relishing her supposed victory.  It disgusted him, how pleased Anora was with herself. Alistair actually preferred being in the dungeon, where he could at least be with Lily. Thinking of her put a broad smile on his face.

"Managing to have  a good time in spite of yourself, I see," Teagan gloated.

Startled, Alistair missed his mouth and dropped his meat morsel on his fine vest, which left a gravy trail to his stomach, as it plummeted to the floor.  "Yeah, _fantastic_ time," Alistair muttered sarcastically.

Teagan sighed.  "I wish you could see I am only doing what is best for you, and Fereldan."

"You mean you wish I was still a gullible child that believed such things.  A mage is good enough to save the world, but still not good enough to be Queen.  That's the bottom line, isn't it?"

"Did she tell you that you are both Grey Wardens?"

"She did."

"Do you know what that means, Alistair?  You are both _tainted_. If you marry her, you will _never_ produce a Theirin heir."

"I don't care," Alistair said defiantly.

"And, _that_ is the tragedy, boy.  You would let your ancient and royal bloodline die out, all over a _girl_.  Your father would be _so_ disappointed."

Teagan's remarks stunned Alistair.  He didn't know what he felt about his father.  "How would I know?" Alistair angrily reminded him.

"You don't think I regret that?  You left me no choice, Alistair."

"What if I've changed my mind, about being King?"

"Have you?"

Alistair considered his words carefully.  "I have. You're right. I can't let my line die out."

"And, the girl?"

"I still want to see her, so leave her alone.  Let her go first thing in the morning, or I'll tell Eamon about you and Isolde."

Teagan's eyes flared.  "You'd do well to mind your own business, boy."

"Yes or no?"

"I do not care if your mage lives or dies.  You'll have to take that up with your new bride."

"I intend to."

"Yes, well, good luck with that," Teagan snarked as he walked away to join Anora, and the nobles surrounding her.

Alistair became concerned he had just done the opposite of what he intended.  Instead of making Lily appear less a threat, he practically assured they would try to execute her.  He no longer felt _pulled_ by her presence, so he knew she was already en route to Denerim, at least, it's what he hoped.

Alistair watched Teagan whisper something in Anora's ear and her penetrating stare settled on Alistair.  His instinct was to run, bolt like a rabbit desperately trying to avoid being devoured by the wolf. However, as she began her stride toward him, he found himself petrified in place.

"Teagan tells me you have changed your mind.  I am most pleased, my King." Anora exacted a curtsey before him, and the nobles behind her applauded.

Alistair realized she was putting on a show, and decided to return in kind.  Alistair bowed and extended his hand to her, "Shall we dance, my Queen?" _Wait, do I know how to dance?  I should really start thinking things through before I say them._

Fortunately, Anora had no intention of being humiliated by his bumbling feet.  "I'm afraid I must decline. I tire from the festivities and wish to conclude with the consummation."

Alistair's eyes went wide.  "The, uh, what?"

"The consummation of the marriage, my King.  I have chosen Lady Isolde to bear witness."

 _Maker, how am I going to get out of this?_  "Of course, after you." With a trail of nobles behind him, Alistair followed Anora from the courtyard to her chambers, where Isolde was already waiting.  Anora, Alistair, and Isolde stepped inside the prepared bedroom, and shut the door behind them, leaving the creepily interested nobles in the hall. "Look, we don't have to do this," Alistair offered as soon as they were inside.

"But, we do," Anora insisted.

"Surely, you're aware that I don't love you.  I don't even like you."

"So?  Our purpose here is to legitimize the marriage and conceive an heir.  Do it right, and we'll never have to do it again. Frankly, I am not at all interested in how you _feel_."

"See?   _That_ right there.  You really know how to seduce a man," Alistair suggested with an eye roll.

Anora laughed.  "Seduce you? You really are a child, Alistair.  Get undressed," the Queen ordered. "We have a duty to perform here, nothing more.  Don't delude yourself into thinking I'm impressed by you in _any_ way." Isolde finished undressing Anora, picked up the collapsed gown in her arms, and placed it in the chair.  As she stood naked before him, Alistair's lip curled in disgust, and Anora had finally had enough. She shoved him onto the bed. "Look, boy. I tried to make this easy for you, but you'll just have none of it, will you?"

"Hey!  Watch it!"  Alistair mildly protested.

"What are _you_ going to do?   _She_ isn't here to protect you, or make you more than you are."  Anora got right in his face. "You are _nothing_ without her. Nothing, except my father's cruel murderer."  Anora grabbed his face with her hand, squeezing his jaw open with her fingers, and poured the potion down his throat.  Alistair briefly jerked and thrashed before becoming perfectly paralyzed.

As Anora straddled him and recited the fertility spell, Isolde placed an enchantment on the King, binding him entirely to Anora's will.  Anora buried the overwhelming desire to kill him now. She needed him to get to the Warden, and the Warden had taught her to be cautious in assuming victory.  Besides, this would be so much more enjoyable, at least for Anora. "Now, tell me, Alistair. What is the Warden's plan?"

Against his will, the words eagerly spilled forth from Alistair's mouth, informing Anora of Lily's escape and their intentions in Denerim.  Isolde's face twisted into concern at the revelation, but Anora quickly reassured her, "Do not worry, Isolde. Our assassin has a head start."


	19. Nineteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On to Denerim.

As soon as Jowan concluded his goodbyes with Valena, the Warden-Commander sent Garavel, Ogren, and Jowan back to Vigil's Keep for Jowan's Joining, as Lily, Anders, Mhairi, and Zevran set out in the opposite direction for Denerim.  

Since they had only brought one extra horse, Anders insisted Lily ride with him, so that he could continue to heal her as they rode.  A decision he immediately regretted. As she positioned herself in front of him, and relaxed her back against him, Anders tensed, concerned his best attempt at resisting temptation wouldn't be enough.  She rested her head against his chest, and Anders felt as if he wanted to leap from the horse and run away.

"Thank you," Lily whispered.  "I know this wasn't easy for you."

"Less so for you, I imagine."

"Perhaps," she said with a slight smile.

"I'm afraid this plot with Anora extends beyond you and Alistair," Zevran interrupted.

Anders turned to Zevran, grateful for the distraction.  "What do you mean?"

"I believe she intends Arl Eamon harm as well.  The particularly distasteful Crow I'm hunting met with her in Redcliffe, then promptly left for Denerim, leaving a trail of newly acquired gold behind him.  So I'm told."

 _An assassin's business_ , Anders recalled.  "Eamon is all that stands between Anora and complete consolidation of the nobles in her favor.  Lily won't be safe anywhere in Fereldan, if that happens."

Zevran's eyes apologetically met Lily's.  "And, the new King will join the old one, I fear."

"I hope we're not too late," Mhairi worried.

As they rode, Lily told the others what had transpired, informing them of the extent of Anora's coup, and the subsequent plan to stop her.  The more she divulged, the more she felt Anders' body tense up behind her. Lily imagined she'd feel the same in his position, and assumed a conversation would eventually be had on the matter.  However, he said nothing else until they made camp for the morning, as they opted to travel at night when they'd be less likely to encounter others.

Anders helped Lily down from the horse, once he and Zevran had accomplished uprighting their tents.  Lily fell into him, as she swung her leg from the other side of the horse, but Anders held steady. "Still a tad wobbly, I'm afraid.  Do you still feel weak?"

"Just tired, I think."

"Rest would do all of us a world of good."  Anders helped her into her tent and bedroll, promptly excusing himself.

Lily placed a hand on his arm, staying him.  "Anders, I know I already said it, but I want you to know I wholly mean it.  I know what you risked coming to Redcliffe, and I'd have been in real trouble if you hadn't. _Thank you_."

Anders placed his hand over hers on his arm.  "Think nothing of it. _I simply did it for you_."

As he disappeared from her tent, his words tugged at Lily.   _Her_ _words_ , said back to her. Anders cared for her deeply, there was no denying that.  Enough to risk his life. Lily cared for him too, but held it back because of Alistair.  At first, because of what Alistair had done, then because she realized she was unable to yet let him go.  She had drawn Anders in, then thoughtlessly shut him out. _Yet, he still came for me._ Her heart broke for Anders; because, she actually did love him, but could _never, ever_ tell him.

  *******

Zevran rode ahead of the others into Denerim and secured a safehouse, instead of rooms at one of the Inns where the Warden's face would surely be remembered.  As they piled into the two-bedroom hovel just off the Market Square, Mhairi immediately set out to procure supplies before the markets closed. Zevran insisted on accompanying her, intending to scope around for anything unusual, or absorb wandering gossip.  Anders left shortly after, only telling Lily, "I'll be back in an hour."

Alone with herself, Lily started the fire, and relaxed in one of the bare-threaded chairs.  She wanted to shake the uneasiness she felt, and was having a difficult time doing so. She could sense Anders and Mhairi, as they were still in close enough proximity, but not Alistair.  Even though she knew this to be reasonable, she felt something else was wrong. She had felt this way since leaving the dungeon in Redcliffe, and hoped Alistair would arrive soon, if only to put her stomach at ease.

Lily fell asleep in front of the fire, and was surprised when she woke to discover a blanket had been draped over her, and a tiny orange kitten was snoozing in her lap.  "Oooh! A kitty!" She heard herself excitedly squeal, as she used just two fingers to gently rub his fuzzy little head. She was also delighted that she smelled food. Apparently, Mhairi returned while Lily slept, and had already started dinner.  "Oh, something smells _wonderful_."

"Just a simple rabbit stew.  After my mother passed, my father used to make it all the time.  There was six of us kids, so it had to fill a lot of bellies." Mhairi smiled, "The smell takes me right back there."

"When did you last see your family?"

"About a year before I first came to Vigil's Keep.  Maker's blessing, they made it through the blight alright.  What about your family?"

"The last time I saw my mother, she was weeping in the streets as they carted me away to the Circle.  I've not heard from my father or my four siblings since then, either."

"I'm so sorry, Lily.  I wonder if they even know what you have become."

"I don't know.  I stopped bothering to send letters years ago.  If they wanted to find me, they would."

As Lily and Mhairi finished their dinner, Lily letting the kitten lick up the last remnants in her bowl, the two men returned.  Both appeared drenched to the bone, and drunk, hanging onto each other for support.

Mhairi giggled.  "Oh, my!"

"Oh, my," Lily groaned.

"Oooh!  A kitty!"  Anders immediately spotted the cat, and tripped over _everything_ in his path to get to it, nearly landing face first into Lily's lap.  

Zevran was more interested in filling his belly and clumsily headed for the pot by the fire.  Mhairi jumped up and offered to get it for him, afraid either Zevran or the pot would end up bottom up in the flames.

As Zevran plopped into one of the chairs, he pulled Mhairi into his lap.  "Would you like to feed me as well?"

Mhairi bolted from his hold, "Absolutely not!"

"I'm afraid Mhairi is spoken for, Zevran," Lily chuckled.

"Ah, yes!  The handsome Captain Garavel," Zevran bounced his eyebrows up and down in approval.  "I can keep a secret if you can." Zevran reached out and grasped toward Mhairi again, and she slapped his hands away.

"Honestly, how do you tolerate him, Commander?"  Mhairi huffed as she walked away.

"I am an _acquired_ taste," Zevran grinned arrogantly.

"Well, I hope you _acquired_ some information to go with your inebriation," Lily suggested.

Anders looked up at her from his spot on the floor next to her chair, where he hovered over her lap cooing to the feline.  "We did!" He said goofily.

"The assassin is here, but has yet to make his move.  This is _most_ unusual," Zevran suggested.  "The longer an assassin stays in place, the more likely he is to alert the target, and be discovered."

"What do you suppose he's waiting for?"  Lily asked.

"I cannot say.  Perhaps he was given a specific time, which has yet to transpire?  Or, he was told to wait for further confirmation?"

"Do you know where he is staying?"

Zevran spoke with his mouth full of hot stew.  "Never the same place two nights in a row."

Mhairi handed Anders a bowl of stew and the kitten jumped from Lily's lap into his, much to his delight.  Anders dipped his finger in the bowl and let the cat lick the gravy. "I think I'll call you Ser-Pounce-A-Lot," he cheerfully spoke to the cat.

Seeing him so happy made Lily smile.  "If you name him, you have to take care of him."

"I will," Anders affirmed, dipping a different finger in the bowl for the cat to lick clean.  "Will they let me have him at the keep?"

"I don't see why not."


	20. Twenty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alistair finally arrives to Denerim.

Almost two weeks had passed, and still no sign of Alistair.  Lily was frantic, terrified Anora had already carried out her plan to execute him.   _I never should have left him! How could I be so stupid?!_ She felt she had no choice but to confront Eamon alone, and _hope_ he believed her enough to send his army racing back to Redcliffe.

Although Anders had acquired every tome on blood magic he could find in Denerim, they were no closer to discovering how to undo Jowan's spell on Alistair.  Truthfully, they needed Jowan, and where he found the spell, and Lily was furious with herself for not thinking of that before she sent him to his Joining. All she could do at this point was hope he survived, for Alistair's sake.

Lily slammed the book in her lap closed, and Anders turned his attention from the cat, and book in his own lap, to her.  "Are you alright?"

"We're never going to find it without Jowan's help."

"We _definitely_ won't find it if we don't look."

Lily rolled her eyes, irritated he was so calm, and right.

"Lily...what if the only way to cure Alistair...is to kill Jowan?"

"Then Jowan will pay a heavy price for his choices."

She said it with such conviction, and without any hesitation, Anders had no trouble believing she meant it.  "What if there is no remedy?"

"Are you getting at something, Anders?  Or, just entertaining your curiosity?" Lily snapped.  

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to -"

"No, I'm sorry.  I'm just a little on edge, and your questions reference the exact thing putting me there."

"Perhaps, it won't matter.  You said he still displayed feelings for you.  You could truly start over, put both of your mistakes in the past."

"I suppose.  It just seems much good would be lost as well."

"That just makes room for all the good to come, doesn't it?"

They shared a smile briefly, before Zevran burst through the front door.  "They are here!" He announced.

" _Finally_ ," Lily expressed, as she jumped up and ran to the bedroom to wake Mhairi.

They waited until just a few hours before dawn to approach the royal palace, disguised in guard uniforms.  As they neared the royal wing, Lily began to sense Alistair, and relief washed over her. That relief, however, would be quickly replaced with confusion, and a terrifying amount of rage.

There were no guards posted outside the royal chambers, which prompted alarm in Zevran.  "This is a trap. We must go."

Lily couldn't do that.  She was too close. "It's fine.  I'll be right back."

Anders grabbed her arm forcefully.  " _Don't be so easy!_ Let's go, before we can't!"

Lily jerked free and darted toward Alistair's room.  She opened the unlocked door, entered the darkened chamber, and quietly closed the door behind her.  A single candle still lit by the bed illuminated Alistair's naked outline, and that of Anora curled up next to him.  "What the -"

Anora woke and screamed, " _Intruders!  Get them!_ "

Alistair bolted out of bed and grabbed his sword, and Lily heard fighting begin in the hall.  Lily stood in place, still stunned at what she was witnessing, as Alistair pointed his sword at her.  "Alistair, it's _me_!" she pleaded.

"I know who you are," he replied, his cold, angry gaze slicing right through her.  "Your plot is over before it has begun." He neared the blade closer to her throat.

" _Alistair, what is wrong with you?!_  This isn't you!"

Suddenly, the door opened, and before she knew what was happening, Anders froze Alistair, grabbed Lily, and threw a smoke potion into the hall.  Lily was whisked down the hallway and into the stairwell. She noticed Zevran beside them. "Where's Mhairi?" Neither man answered her as they drug her toward the courtyard.  She asked again. " _Where's Mhairi?!_ "

" _She_ is why you get away alive," Anders answered angrily.

Lily began to struggle, " _No!_  We can't leave her!"

Zevran grabbed her other arm and helped Anders.  "We have to, my friend. I'm sorry, but we have to save _you_."

When they returned to the safehouse, the men were forced to lock Lily in her bedroom to prevent her returning to the castle.  Anders quickly runed the door before she could set it on fire. For hours, she wailed and pounded upon the door, and neither man said a word.  Every tortured bang against the wood, every painful word she screamed, ripped Anders apart.

When Anders woke, sitting on the floor with his back against the wall to her room, he was extremely relieved the noise had ceased.  However, Zevran was nowhere he could see, and Anders quickly became concerned the noise stopped because she was no longer in there. "Lily?" he called.  There was no response, but Anders thought he heard the muffled sounds of sobbing. "Lily, may I come in?" Silence.

As Anders was wrestling with what to do, Zevran returned.  "I'm afraid the news is not good," the assassin informed the mage.  "Eamon was assassinated last night, and they are blaming the Wardens."

"And, Mhairi?"  Anders reluctantly questioned.

Zevran shook his head.  "The King has put a bounty on the Warden-Commander." 


	21. Twenty-One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of Lily's mistake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is at this point I discover I have been spelling 'Ferelden' wrong this whole time. Am I going to go back and change 20 chapters? Hmmm, we'll see who wins...lazy or OCD.

"Once again, under the guise of aid and misplaced  trust, the Grey Wardens have become an enemy to Ferelden!" Anora pronounced to the Assembly.  "Not only are they responsible for the death of King Cailan, but also the murder of your greatest and most loyal General...Loghain,  _my_ _father_!"  Anora cast a look over her shoulder at Alistair, her father's vicious murderer, who was seated on the throne behind her. "And now, they assassinate their fiercest supporter in Arl Eamon, as well as make an attempt on a fellow brother of their _own_ order, and his Queen!  By the Maker's grace, our new King was able to thwart the attack, recognizes the threat his former brethren pose, and wishes to formally renounce his allegiance and support for the treasonous Grey Wardens!" The Assembly burst into applause.

On cue, the King rose and joined Anora in front of the throne.  "I hereby renounce the Grey Wardens, and banish them from Ferelden," Alistair stated without any emotion or inflection, staring blankly past the sea of faces amassed before him.  "I also place a bounty of one thousand sovereigns on the head of Ferelden Warden-Commander Lily Amell." The gathering of nobles gasped.

Anora clasped the King's hand.  "United, we will drive this _true_ blight on Ferelden from her lands!"  The gullible nobles stood and cheered their Queen, as Anora led Alistair from the Assembly, into the hallway, where Isolde waited for them.  "Honestly, Isolde. I like him so much better this way, I might keep him around, for awhile at least. We should have done this with Cailan."

"I can think of worse things than having a handsome King-slave.  Perhaps, if Teagan remains too dismayed over his brother's death, I shall use it on him as well.  He has been so dreadfully dull. Going on and on about the meddlesome Warden for two days now."

"She is isolated and broken, soon to be a distant memory to all of us.  The things we could do Isolde... _just think of it_. Complete control of the entirety of Ferelden.  No blight, no civil war, no one to oppose us, all of the nobles eating straight from my hand."

"Celene will be impressed."

Anora smiled.  "As she should be!  My coup was certainly more exciting than hers!  I, however, was smart enough to secure an heir, where she was not."

"Indeed, my Queen.  Celene mistakenly painted herself into a corner."

"What of the prisoner, Isolde?"

"She was badly wounded, but we have healed her enough to seem suitable for execution."

"Excellent."  Anora turned to Alistair, and placed her hand on the side of his face.  "You hear that, my pet? Your blade _will_ taste Grey Warden blood today."

"As you wish," the slave-King absently replied.

*******

Anders looked to the chair across from him, where Zevran sat staring into the fire.  "Well, what do we do now?" Anders eventually asked.

"I will need to find the assassin," Zevran said, as he passed the mage a loaf of bread he'd acquired from his trip to the market.

"Thank you."  Anders appreciated the rogue's thoughtfulness.  Aside from both being friends of the Warden-Commander, they didn't really know each other.  He also admired Zevran's dedication to Lily. A smart man would be as far from her as he could be right now.  "Will you be able to?"

"Before I hunted him, he was hunting me.  If I make my presence known, he will come to me."

"Who is he?"

"His is an Antivan noble, and also a Crow.  His name is Nuncio, and he is eager to collect to price the Crows offer for my head."

"Uh, oh.  What did you do?"  Anders grinned, eager to hear the story.

"A reasonable question, however, I'm afraid it's what I _didn't_ do that still haunts me.  I failed to kill the Hero of Ferelden, and then I refused to amend said failure to the Crows' liking.  They also don't appreciate my killing everyone they send after me."

"Wait. _You tried to kill Lily_?!"

Zevran laughed.  "Yes, well, you can just imagine how that went.  You see the result, do you not?"

"Anyone who attacks her is stupid or insane.  Probably both."

"Ha!  Indeed.  I suppose you could say I was a little bit of both.  I underestimated her _and_ I had a deathwish."

"Let me guess...a woman?"

Zevran laughed again, confirming Anders' suspicion.

"So, we get the assassin, and force him to confess.  I'm afraid that doesn't do much to help us against the Queen.  No Eamon, no noble support. They will blindly fall in line with the power, which is clearly now Anora.  We can't even go back to Vigil's Keep."

"Agreed.  Hopefully the Warden will have a better idea, if she ever comes out of there," Zevran suggested, nodding toward the bedroom.  "Perhaps _you_ could do something to help with that."

Anders sighed.  "I've been trying.  She'll have a hard time accepting Mhairi's death.  She'll assume blame."

"Truthfully, we were caught as soon as we stepped into the castle.  The Queen knew we were coming and set up the assassination to frame the Warden."

"I gathered as much.  I suspect Isolde has enchanted Alistair somehow.  Blood magic, I'm sure."

"It always is."

Anders repeated his light tap on the bedroom door, after Zevran once again left the safehouse.  "Lily, please, may I come in? Zevran brought food and water for you." No answer. Anders was no longer content to sit by and watch, she was endangering herself by not consuming anything, and they needed a new plan.  Anders slowly pushed open the door slightly, peeking his head in. Lily lay motionless on the bed, her legs curled up against her chest. He entered the room and placed the tray on the dresser. "You need to eat and drink _something_."  Lily still didn't move. Anders sat on the bed behind her, and began to gently rub the back of his hand against her back. "I know you are hurting. I want to be here for you, if you will let me."

For a long time, Lily said nothing, as her shoulders periodically shook as she tried to restrain her sobs.  Finally, she grabbed his hand, and closed her fingers around his, as she pulled his arm close to her chest. "Will you lay with me?"

Anders was both stunned and delighted by her request.  "Of course." He laid down beside her, careful to leave just enough space between them so his body didn't touch hers.   _That would be too much_.

Surprising him again, Lily turned around to face him.  "I want to feel something else, something besides... _this_."  Her tear-slicked face was so close to his as she spoke, her wet lips grazed his chin.  Loving Alistair had brought her more pain than she'd ever known, which currently blinded her to the joy.  It was time to see what loving someone else would do.

Although he knew it was a mistake, a fevered moment born of grief and weakness one or both of them would soon come to regret, Anders wanted her so badly at this point that he didn't care how he came by it. His lips enveloped hers, before he could talk himself out of it, or she changed her mind.

Instead of pushing him away, Lily let herself be taken in by his eager embrace, pressing her body against his and sinking into his kiss.  They were a pair of the same animal, starved and ravenous, and suddenly released from their cages. Each, the refuge the other would seek, as if one could be made whole by consuming the other.  

 


	22. Twenty-Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ser-Pounce-A-Lot to the rescue.

For what Anders assumed was the first time in at least two days, Lily slept, peacefully, her naked body draped over his.  He was so pleased he almost felt ashamed. He'd never been as happy as he was right now; in spite of the danger they were in, he didn't want to be anywhere else.  Anders traced the length of her arm, from shoulder to wrist, lightly with his fingertips. _I can love you better, if you will just let me_ , he thought. He'd face any danger for her, which surprised him, since he mostly considered himself a coward.  He wanted desperately to wake her, just to taste her lips once more. As a compromise with himself, he placed a kiss on her forehead. "Even if you don't love me," he whispered, "I will _always_ love you." Anders wrapped both arms around her, and fell asleep.

When he heard the front door burst open, and then banging on the bedroom door, Anders first thought they had been discovered.  Judging by the terrified look on Lily's face, Anders knew she thought the same. He held her close to him, believing it may be his last chance to do so.

"You must come quickly!  It's Mhairi!" Zevran yelled.

Anders promptly rose from the bed and got dressed, and Lily did the same.  As soon as Anders opened the door, Zevran grabbed him and began pulling him toward the still wide open front door.

"Mhairi didn't perish in the ambush, but she will die if we don't hurry!"  Zevran urged the Wardens. "Alistair is going to execute her!"

Lily pushed past the two men.  "There's no way I'm letting _that_ happen."

Anders grabbed her wrist and kicked the door closed with his foot.  "Lily, _wait_! They'll surely be expecting us. What are the _three of us_ going to do?"

"We need a distraction," Lily proposed with a smirk that alarmed both men.  "Grab the cat."

  *******

Lily peered out from behind a row of buildings close to the palace gates.  "There's Shiani and the others," she whispered. They watched as the elven ladies flirted with the two guards standing erect.  As the soldiers began to engage the women, three elven boys appeared in the alley next to them and started a fist fight with each other.  In an attempt to impress the women, instead of ignoring the fight, usually content to let the elves kill each other, the guards left their post to break the squirmish up.  Easily, Lily, Anders, and Zevran snuck into the palace courtyard.

The plaza was overflowing with people, all crowded around a wooden platform in the center.  Atop it stood Alistair, as Anora, Isolde, and Teagan looked on from the side. Lily watched the King as he spoke to the crowd, and Anders watched _her_.   _He is not Alistair, and yet , he is_ , she concluded.  She wasn't certain how Anora had done it, but she had turned the King into her mindless puppet.

"Blood magic," Anders whispered.

"Of course it is," she replied with a roll of her eyes.  Lily knew they couldn't save both Mhairi and Alistair at this moment, and Mhairi was in the most immediate danger.   _Because of me_ , Lily thought. Seeing Alistair again didn't have the effect on her she thought it would. Even though she realized it wasn't really him putting the blade to Mhairi's neck, she couldn't deny that something felt different about seeing Alistair this way.  Or, maybe it was what seeing him with Anora had done. At this point in their relationship, Alistair had been with two women who weren't Lily; and she was discovering she wasn't comfortable with either, regardless of the extenuating circumstances. "Alright, Anders. Hand him over."

"Is this _really_ necessary?  Can't they just chase Zevran?"

Lily placed her hand on his shoulder.  "He'll be fine, Anders, I promise. I put a quickness enchant on him.  He'll come right back to you. Trust me."

Of course he trusted her, more than anyone else, even more than himself.  "I _hate_ this plan," Anders grumbled, as he pulled Ser-Pounce-A-Lot from his pack and handed him to Zevran.

Zevran tucked the kitten into his shirt and stealthed.  "I will meet you at the West gate."

As Zevran disappeared toward the rear of the palace, they heard the King call for the prisoner.  Anders closed his hand around Lily's, as Mhairi was brought out onto the platform, and thrown to the floor in front of Alistair.  Slowly, the couple made their way forward, toward the front of the crowd, their covered heads tilted down. They stopped directly behind the row of soldiers standing between the edge of the platform, and the mass of onlookers.  Lily let her eyes up enough to search for Mhairi's, who was now faced toward the crowd, and asked for her final words.

Shackled at the ankles and wrists, face bruised and eyes swollen, Mhairi caught Lily's stare and the women shared an emotional smile.  "For the Wardens," Mhairi stoically stated in defiance.

Lily was so moved, she would have burst into tears, if the moment hadn't been shattered by the sensory assault of hundreds of mabari hounds stampeding into the courtyard, in hot pursuit of a tiny, and most fierce, orange feline.  As the crowd broke to run, Lily threw several smoke potions, and Mhairi jumped from the platform into Anders' waiting arms. Lily scooped up Ser-Pounce-A-Lot, and they made their break toward the back gate.

Next to the corpses of several guards, they found Zevran there, waiting, as he said he would be.  Zevran swung the gate open and they hurried from the palace grounds. They ducked into an abandoned warehouse in the alley behind the castle, and as soon as Anders placed her feet on the ground, Zevran set about picking the shackles on Mhairi's ankles.

Lily threw her arms around Mhairi, "I thought I had lost you!"

"I knew you would come, but so did they.  We cannot stay here. We have to leave Denerim right now."

"She is correct," Zevran agreed, as Mhairi's first set of shackles dropped to the floor.

"I know a place that is close, and the few people there are loyal to me," Lily offered.

Anders pulled the cat from Lily's pack, snuggled him against his cheek, then held him in the air above his head.  "Who is the bravest and most clever kitty in the whole wide world?" Anders cooed.

"Meow," Ser-Pounce-A-Lot replied.

"That's right!  You are!" Anders lowered the cat to place a kiss on his head, fed him a piece of dried meat, and tucked him away in his bag.  The others stared at the mage in bewilderment. "What?" Anders genuinely asked.


	23. Twenty-Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fugitive Wardens and Zevran arrive to Soldier's Peak.

"Warden!  What an unexpected and most welcome surprise!"  Levi proclaimed when he saw them tread up the mountain path to Soldier's Peak.  The excited, boyish merchant rushed out to greet them. "Ser Zevran! It is good to see you again as well!"

Relieved to see such a friendly face, Lily embraced him.  "Levi, my friend. How are things? The upgrades and repairs you've made look wonderful!  I also see quite a few new faces," Lily said as she moved back to let a child chasing a hen run between them.

"Wait'll you see the inside!  As for the new faces, well I hope you don't mind, but it gets right lonely way up here.  My brother and I invited the rest of our family, and well, now you have your own self-sustaining fortress.  We cleared the mine and built a skinning/tanning lodge right over there, you see. The cousins mind that. My nephews are quite the hunters, careful or Mikhael _will_ talk your ear off about them.  You also have a small farm and baker over there, across from the smithy. 'Tis my brother's wife that tends to that. My Layla sees to the upkeep inside. She's due our firstborn soon." Levi's smile overtook the rest of his face.

Lily was stunned.  "Where did you get the gold to do all of this?"

"Oh!  I sell our surplus goods in Denerim every month.  Of course, there's a cut for you too, Warden, in your personal storage."

"That is so kind of you, Levi, but I'd really like for your family to keep it.  For all you're doing here."

"Warden, that is most generous!  If you need anything, _please_ , let me know!  It would be my honor to see to it _personally_."  Levi crossed his arm across his chest in salute, and bowed.

"Thank you, Levi.  I'm not sure if we should expect visitors, but if you see anyone coming up the path that you don't recognize, alert me immediately."

"If there is to be trouble, you should definitely see Mikhael.  He has something for you, he's been bragging about it for weeks.  Said the old mage helped him with it."

"I'll do that.  Thank you again, Levi."

"Of course, Warden - oh! Where are my manners?  It's Warden-Commander now, isn't it?"

"Yes, but 'Warden' is fine, if that's what you're used to.  These are two new Grey Wardens, Anders and Mhairi." Lily motioned to her companions at her side.

Levi shook both of their hands.  "A pleasure, Wardens. If you need anything, don't hesitate to ask!"  Levi turned back to Lily. "You know, it seems rather fitting you now wear my Great, Great Grandmother's title.  You helped us discover what happened to her, after all. I know you'll do it justice. You won't make the same mistake she did.  Gettin' involved in politics, and all that."

_Oh, Levi...If you only knew._

*******

"I call it, 'Starswrath.'  I found that ore you gave me is a great conductor, seems to just pull the magic in, right out of the air!"  Mikhael exclaimed as he handed Lily the exquisitely crafted staff. "Even had that old mage give it a special enchant, enhancing your elemental damage threefold."

"It is beyond impressive, Mikhael.  I've never seen it's equal. What is this?"  Lily asked, holding up the bottom of the staff to get a better look.

"Well, I hope you don't mind, but I wanted to give you an extra _edge_ , if you know what I mean.  It was Levi's idea, actually. He saw how long it took you to put that dagger away in your storage, and he knew who it belonged to."

Tears rolled down Lily's face as she became overwhelmed with emotion, seeing Duncan's dagger fixed to the bottom of her new staff.  "I can't adequately express how much this means to me, Mikhael. For now, I hope an appreciative and tearful _thank_ _you_ will do," she smiled and chuckled at her overflowing, and embarrassing emotional display. _I know just the throat I'm going to slice with it._

"To us, you're family too, Warden," Mikhael attempted to comfort her, but managed to cause himself to choke up instead.

Lily reached across his workbench and hugged him.  "I can't wait to show this masterpiece to everyone I know, and tell them of the blacksmith responsible for such a glorious creation."

"Oh!  You do me a great honor, Warden!  My orders will overflow!"

Lily resisted the powerful urge to retreat to her quarters and model her magnificent new staff in the mirror, opting instead to head up to Avernus' tower.  As she had before, she found the ancient Grey Warden mage hovering over his books and muttering to himself. He appeared to be aging more rapidly than before, leading her to believe he had honored their agreement and stopped practicing blood magic.

"The quickest and easiest way I know how to rid one of an enchantment is to rid the afflicted of the enchanter," Avernus blandly offered.

"That's no problem.  I planned to kill her anyway."

"As for reversal of the memory spell, I am... _uncertain_.  Give me some time."

Not the particular answer she hoped for, considering his previous boast about his _extensive_ knowledge of blood magic; but if anyone could find it, Avernus would.  

Lily returned to the keep to find everyone gathered in the dining hall, a hearty and plentiful feast laid upon the tables, as all were joyfully engaged in eating, drinking, and laughing.  She especially liked to see Mhairi enjoying herself, and silently thanked the Maker her chair was not empty.

Levi was right, Lily was impressed with work done to the interior.  All of the Grey Warden memorabilia had been gathered, cleaned up, and beautifully displayed.  Adjacent to the dinning area was a large kitchen, and there was now a small library, where all the books that hadn't been destroyed were arranged for easy reference and browsability.  

For a moment, Lily envied Levi and Layla, their simple and perfect life.  Together, yet separate from the rest of the world. Lily's idea of a dream come true.   _Which would I share it with?_ She wondered, as she caught Anders staring at her again from across the room.  

He was unashamed of being discovered, and gave a sideways smirk as he rose from his chair and walked over to her.  Anders handed her a mug, "Wine. Made right here. Levi calls it 'Warden Vintage.' Names each batch after a different Grey Warden that died here.  Want to see the wine cellar?"

Lily took a sip from her cup, and was pleased with the robust and earthy taste.  "Of course," she smiled as she took his arm.

Anders escorted her downstairs, where dozens of racks of wine lined the walls.  "I know where I'm coming the next time the world ends," Anders confessed.

"Me too," Lily admitted, as they shared a laugh.

"It's a date, then," Anders smiled, but it quickly dropped, as he turned his gaze to the floor beneath his feet.

"Is something wrong?"

"I'm ashamed to admit it, but I sort of envy Levi.  He carved a perfect little paradise out of an isolated and forgotten ruin."

"I'm glad I'm not the only one," she admitted with a chuckle.

"I think I'd be happy if this were my home," he said, full of the desire for it to be so.

"Me too."  Lily turned her eyes to the floor this time, as the awkwardness began to creep in.  They wanted the same thing, yet neither knew how to ask for it.

"I'm just wondering, if you regret what happened between us, in Denerim."

"Of course not," she assured him, taking his hand in hers.  "In fact, I hope it happens again." Lily closed the space between them, as her wine-tipped lips touched his.

Anders slid his arm around her waist.  "I believe that can be arranged." He wanted to ask something else, but didn't want to risk poisoning the moment, or whatever it was that they had.

Lily sensed Anders was looking for reassurance that _he_ wasn't making a mistake.  "This must be confusing for you. I didn't sleep with you because just _anyone_ would do. Zevran would have been the choice if that were the case."

Anders was unsure how to feel about that, and just raised an eyebrow, waiting for her to clarify.

"Because, Zevran isn't in love with me, nor I, him.  It wouldn't mean anything to either of us."

Anders boasted a confident smile.  "Are you saying you love me?"

Lily smiled and dropped her head, before returning her gaze to his.  "I'm saying come to my room tonight, I have a gift for you."

He tightened his grip on her, "But, I already have everything I want, _right here and now_."  Anders' kiss went deep, and he had to force himself to pull back before he took her right there in the cellar.  


	24. Twenty-Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isolde realizes who is the true threat, and who is really in danger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING for miscarriage.

" _Why_ didn't the spell work, Isolde?!" Anora screeched from behind her privacy screen, as the blood ran down her legs and began to pool at her feet.

"It did.  You have to be _with_ child to lose it.  The spell only guarantees conception, not fruition.  He's yours to command now, you have the spell, just do it again."  Isolde flippantly suggested. "Another reason you should temper your inclination to dispose of him before the heir is _born_."

Anora did not care for Isolde's insubordinate tone, and failure to grasp the seriousness of her predicament.  "What if something else goes wrong, Isolde? Can you not see why it is _imperative_ that you remain?!"

"But, I cannot.  You know as well as I that duty dictates I return with Teagan to Redcliffe.  Besides, I must even still inform Connor his father is dead."

"Is he?  We have only a bloody mess as evidence.  No body and no assassin to claim the rest of his bounty.  And, how will the boy react with this news? You saw what he did when his father simply fell ill.  I don't like surprises, Isolde." Anora was distraught, and took a deep breath in an attempt to collect herself.  She didn't like revealing more than she intended.

"His father didn't _simply_ _fall_ _ill_ , he was poisoned...by _your_ _father_."

"Don't be ridiculous, Isolde.  My father did no such thing. And, we all know the boy's _real_ father is Teagan."

Isolde bristled at Anora's indiscretion and cruelty, but held her poise.  To lose your temper with Anora was to become her next target. She is a spoiled brat that has already proven she has the ambition and means to make _anyone_ disappear, and the insecurity to justify it.  "Teagan is still demanding to see his brother's body before we take it back to Redcliffe."

"I think it's time Teagan join Alistair in mindless oblivion.  I tire of jumping through hoops," Anora declared, as she stepped into the waiting basin.

"Very well," Isolde acquiesced.  "I will enchant him, and send him alone."

"I do this for your security, as well as mine, Isolde.  What do you think will be the Warden's next move?" Anora asked pointedly.

"To remove the enchants on Alistair, I suppose."

"And, how do you think she will go about doing that?  Do _you_ know how to undo it?"

"It's a simple enough spell, from the same book I procured from the apostate."

"The Warden has the apostate, but not the book.  Our trap may have unbalanced her, but she will not give up."

"You believe she means me harm?"

"I do, Isolde.  The safest place you can be is _with_ _me_ ," Anora assured her.

"Then, I humbly thank you, my Queen, and will do whatever you ask."

"Good.  I want you to reverse the memory spell on Alistair.  I believe he may know something we can use."

"As you wish."  Isolde excused herself and sent the servants in to help Anora clean up.  If what Anora said was true, Isolde was now the one the Warden would be after.  Isolde knew, even with the book on blood magic she harbored, she didn't know enough to defend herself against the unencumbered Warden.  She also did not want to enchant Teagan, knowing she could never reverse it, lest she risk his admonishment. She was certain he would expel her from Redcliffe, and she'd _never_ see her son again.   

Isolde absently wandered her way into the courtyard, where she found Alistair sitting alone, and perfectly still on a bench by the fountain.  He appeared gaunt and pekid, and just stared into the distance, waiting for his next command. Isolde doubted Anora cared enough to instruct him to take care of his needs.  Isolde sat on the bench next to him. She had come to regret all those years she suspected he was Eamon's heir, and not Maric's. _Things would have been different._

Isolde opened the book to the marked page, used her dagger to reopen the wound in her palm, and read the memory spell backwards.  Other than a blink, there was no reaction from Alistair. "Alistair, when you are hungry, eat. When you are thirsty, drink. When you are tired, sleep.  Do you understand?"

"Yes," the King flatly replied.  After a few moments, Alistair blinked again and stood.  "I want cheese."

Isolde rose and took his arm, imagining the King as the small boy she used to know.  "Let us go to the kitchen and see what we can find."

*******

"Teagan, _please_!  You must listen to me!  She is out of control, consumed with only vengeance and domination!  She will get us _both_ killed by the Warden, and then she plans to kill Alistair!  She had me place and enchantment on him, he is _completely_ under her control!" Isolde pleaded desperately with Teagan.

"How could you not tell me you are a mage, Isolde?!"  Teagan seethed.

"I have seen how you treat them, like a mongrel that cannot be trusted!  You would send Connor and I both to the Circle and I'd lose everything! _Connor will lose everything!_ "

Teagan grabbed her hands and pulled her toward him.  "I would never send you away, my love."

"Oh, Teagan!  She wants me to enchant you too!  What do we do?!" Isolde began to cry, and rest her head against his chest.

"I'm not sure what we can do, all of the nobles support her."

"What if I kill her?  I could find a spell -"

" _No_!  There's been enough of that already.  Wouldn't you agree? I don't want you casting anymore spells.  Do you understand me?"

"Of course, my darling."

"Besides, that would make you worse off than a Circle mage, you'd be the criminal they hunted.  Anora is not a mage, correct?"

"She is not."

"Then, I could just pretend to be enchanted until I leave.  She will not know the difference. I will return to Redcliffe, but you _must_ protect Alistair.  He _must_ secure the throne."

"She had me remove the memory spell on him, what if I just reverse his enchantment as well?  Surely, he would then kill her."

"Alistair's wrath will not stop there, Isolde."

"Perhaps, if we help him, he will be merciful."

"By lettings us keep our lives?  In the dungeons? No, thank you. To gain Alistair's trust back, we will have to ally with the Warden... _my brother's murderer_."

"I am not sure Eamon is dead.  Anora will let no one see the body, and she just confessed to me _there is no body_.  The assassin also has not returned for the rest of his fee, that mess in Eamon's room could be _his_ blood.  Perhaps, the Warden saved Eamon."

"Or, more likely did the deed and stole the evidence."

Isolde knew she had to be careful here, sway him to her side without incriminating herself.  "Think about it, Teagan. She came here for his help, why would she kill him? I believe it was Anora's doing, to frame the Warden.  In fact, Anora told me so."

"I'm afraid we have loosed a monster, Isolde.  I suppose it is possible Eamon managed to get away, and retreat back to Redcliffe.  I must go find out."

Isolde handed him the book on blood magic.  "When the Warden finds you, give her this. Perhaps, it will convince her to spare my life once more."


	25. Twenty-Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily reveals the plan. Of course, we know what those are good for.

After dinner, and all of the Drydens retired for the evening, Lily met with the other Wardens and Zevran in the office of the former Warden-Commander, which she supposed was now hers.   _Just as creepy as being given Sophia's former quarters_ , she thought. "We need reinforcements," Lily suggested.

Anders scoffed.  "You're not seriously proposing an all out assault on the royal palace, are you?"

"No, of course not.  Eamon's death forces Teagan and Isolde to return to Redcliffe.  We ambush them, and kill Isolde. That will remove the enchantment from Alistair, and _he_ will deal with Anora.  Once that is done, Teagan and Alistair can work out who rules Ferelden, and clear our names."

"Teagan already thinks we murdered Eamon, won't killing Isolde just reinforce that idea?"  Mhairi questioned.

"I don't know another way to remove the enchant," Lily admitted.

"Perhaps we could force Isolde to undo it?"  Anders proposed.

Lily felt the tinges of annoyance.  Playing nice had just put them into one perilous bind after another.  At this point, Lily just wanted to be done with it, and keep her distance from Denerim...and Alistair.   _When he wakes up...he'll want to know why._ Her vision of paradise didn't include royal coronations, heirs, and an endless fuckery of politics...and _Alistair belonged on the throne._  The best thing she could do for him was to let him go; although, now she realized that it was the best she could do for _both_ of them. "Isolde is a true apostate. Untrained and foolishly ambitious, which makes her dangerous to everyone.  This will be the second mess of hers I've had to clean up. I might be biased, but I vote the bitch dies."

"I second," Zevran agreed.

"As do I," Mhairi added.

Outnumbered, Anders finally relented.  "Well, since you put it _that_ way."

"We intercept them here," Lily continued, pointing to the map rolled out on the desk.  "On North Road, directly South of here, West of Amaranthine. We need the other Wardens to come East on North Road, from Vigil's Keep.  Zevran."

Without further explanation, Zevran understood his task, and nodded in confirmation.

"Anders, Mhairi, and I will make the short trip to Amaranthine from here and collect Wynne.  She may be able to help us with Justice, and Jowan's spell, if he failed to survive the Joining."

"Perhaps, I could retrieve her alone?  It won't be safe for you in the city," Anders offered.

"I doubt it would be any safer for you," Lily countered, reminding Anders of what they had done there, and the phylacteries still in his pocket.

"I will go into the city and get her.  I remember what she looks like. Plus, not many mages hang out in front of the Chantry," Mhairi volunteered.

"Good.  Is everyone clear about what we're doing and why?  We're curing Alistair so he can revoke his banishment of the Wardens and clear our names.   _That's it_."

"Aye," they all confirmed.

*******

Anders hovered outside her door for what seemed like centuries, before he heard her voice from the other side.

"I know you're there.  Just come in already," Lily ordered.

_Right.  Warden powers._  He was getting so used to what it felt like to be near her, he forgot the difference the distance made.  Anders lifted the latch and let the door fall open. 

Lily stood in the middle of the room with her arms crossed, and a disgusted look on her face.  "I _hate_ this room. I know all the furniture is new, but I just...still... _feel_ Sophia here."

Anders poked his chest out and strutted over to her, sliding an arm around her waist and pulling her close to him.  "I could sleep _with_ you, if you think it would help," he said with a deep, manly-man voice and silly, slanted smirk.

Lily laughed, relaxing against him.  "Oh, it would definitely help, but you say that as if the matter were up for debate."

"Isn't it?"

"Why do you think so?"

"Because, if Teagan hadn't shown up in Amaranthine, and Jowan hadn't put the memory spell on Alistair, and Isolde hadn't enchanted him, we wouldn't be having this conversation.  Would we?"

"That isn't the reason I'm not with him, or why I'm with you."

"No?"

"Well, it is, but not in the way that you imply.  I _choose_ you. Alistair belongs on the throne, and I don't.  You know what I see when I envision a life with him? More of this political mess we're already embroiled in, me always having to prove or exonerate myself because I'm a mage...just a lot of feeling _less than_ and not being able to trust _anyone_. Who wants to live like that? Who can love that way without destroying themselves?"

"Not me," Anders agreed.

"Me either."

Anders smiled confidently, "Tell me more about why you choose _me_."

Lily laughed, " _That_ , right there.  A mage that make me laugh is just so... _irresistible_."  

"I knew it," Anders boasted, as he bent down to kiss her neck.

"Now, you're playing dirty."

"Am I?"

"I told you, I have a gift for you."

"Oh, I thought you were it," Anders said squeezing her buttocks.

Lily laughed again, as she retrieved her former staff leaning against the wall and handed it to him.  "I want you to have Winter's Breath. It's particularly useful against the undead, perfect for a powerful Grey Warden mage."

Anders was truly touched, and stunned.  No one had ever given him _anything_. And, here was Lily, offering her love, her staff, an isolated paradise, and even a cat. _I must be dreaming._ Anders remembered the phylacteries in his pocket. "I have something for you too." He retrieved the vials, and placed them in her hand.

Lily was taken aback, recognizing immediately what they were.  "The Knight-Commander had mine too?"

"Like you said, she was there for you.  I was just the bait."

"Why have you kept it all this time?  Or, yours? I thought surely you would have destroyed it immediately."  

"I don't know why I kept yours, except...it made me feel close to you.  Every time I went to destroy mine, I couldn't. It didn't feel criminal _or_ justified, it just felt like a lie. Destroying it wouldn't bring _real_ freedom, and I just kept thinking about what you said that first day on the battlements.  I finally want to stop running." Lily attempted to hand his phylactery back to him, but Anders held his hands up in refusal.  "No, I want you to decide what to do with it. Finding something worth fighting, and staying for, has already freed me."

Lily stared at the vials in her palm as if she were in a trance, the thick, red liquid inside catching her eye as it glistened in the glow of the fire.  It was the thing he wanted most until the moment they had met, and now he left its fate to her. Anders was right. Destroying it wouldn't bring real freedom.  However, there was something to be said about knowing the Templars couldn't hunt you down as easily. Any peace of mind Lily could give him, she would. Before she could reason against it, Lily tossed their phylacteries into the fireplace, and they heard the shatter of the glass against the stone bricks.

Anders smiled and narrowed his focus on her, as he swiftly bridged the space between them in a single step, and took her in his arms.  Their lips met like two cannonballs colliding in the air, as he picked her up off of the ground, and she wrapped her legs around his waist.  Anders carried her to the bed, and attempted to release her there; however, she clung tight to him, and he fell on top of her. Lily laughed harder than he'd ever seen before, and he simply couldn't resist the urge to tickle her.  He _loved_ the sound of this laugh. This was _her_ , happy and free.


	26. Twenty-Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is fate decided, or just another variable?

Lily heard a distant thud and she quickly sat up in bed.  Anders was still sleeping soundly next to her, and she glanced around the room for any clues as to the source of the noise.  The fire was but embers now, providing little illumination. Lily thought she heard the door across the hall open and close, and she hopped out of bed, knowing the only other room on the floor was the Warden-Commander's office.  She threw on a robe, and grabbed her new staff, on her way out of the bedroom. Lily threw open the door to the office, and stopped sudden when she saw the spectre hovering in front of the bookshelf.

"You think yourself better than me, when we are the same,"  Sophia's ghost spoke.

"I don't want to be Queen, and I would _never_ order the summoning of demons," Lily argued.

"I didn't want to be Queen, either.  I just didn't want Arland to be King.  I _knew_ he was a monster. Despite popular belief, not every Theirin _belongs_ on the throne."

"Alistair is a good man.  It may take a little bit for him to come into it, but he'll be a good King as well.  He cares about his people."

"Do not underestimate power backed into a corner, like your false Queen.  She has underestimated you twice now, do not expect it again, and do not give her the same advantage."

"I suppose you would have me summon an army of demons to march upon Denerim.  Like, _that_ wouldn't set mages back a thousand years," Lily rolled her eyes.

"You'll be surprised to learn the things you will do to save those you care about."  Sophia lifted her head and nodded toward the bedroom where Anders still slept. "And, what they'll do for you."  

"So, what then?  Leave? Let Ferelden sort out its fate?  Let be damned whoever gets caught in the middle?"

"You seek to remove yourself from duty, when it is already bound to you."

"You think I should go alone, and kill Anora...as if it would be that easy," Lily rolled her eyes again.  "She has an army protecting her. By now, probably the Templars too. And, they are _definitely_ mad at me. It's a suicide mission."

"Not, _just_ Anora."

"You can't mean... _Alistair?!_ "

"The Theirin bloodline _must_ end.  It has been tainted, and will lead Ferelden into ruin."

"What do you mean, _tainted_?"

"Altered, by magicks ancient and malevolent.  A bargain, and a price to be paid, for a power neither should claim."

"Oh, good.  I thought you were going to be cryptic."

"The new King will blindly seek the old, follow and discover, and kill that which cannot die, unaware it was already decided.  Some destinies cannot be changed, just like yours." 

"Look, I have no idea what this vague nonsense is supposed to mean, but I'm certain it will all make perfect sense at the right moment.  Probably precisely when it's too late to change course.  Regardless, you're insane to believe I would even think about this, or don't know near as much as you pretend to. The deranged spectre of a desperate, and long dead, woman." 

The spectre's disembodied laugh was chilling.  "We would have been good friends, had we lived at the same time."

Lily let out a disgusted grunt and stormed from the office, marching in a huff directly to Avernus' tower.  He sat in a chair, sipping tea, in front of the fireplace. 

Avernus motioned for her to take the only other chair, "Would you like some tea, Commander?"

"No, thanks.  I just had a nice chat with Sophia.  Honestly, she made more sense when she was possessed by the pride demon," Lily stated as she plopped herself into the chair, trying to stifle the anger the ghost has provoked.

"She is tied to this place, drawn back to it from the fade.  She cannot let go, the defeat makes her incomplete. Restless."

"Arland is as dead and gone as she is.  Can't she be satisfied with that?"

"Not when it's vengeance she seeks."

"That explains the whole _'kill Alistair and end the Theirin bloodline'_ part.  Is she lying, or telling truth I shouldn't know in order to manipulate me into doing her will?"

"Both."

"You're almost as helpful as she is."

"Who can say what is truth when the path is yet to be tread?"

Lily shook her head, "Somehow, I knew you were going to say that.  She claims destiny cannot be changed, and you contend it's only set upon completion."

"Perhaps, because it is both."

Lily sighed.  "Because, _of course it is_."  Lily decided to change the subject, since this conversation was going in circles, and she'd had enough of that tonight.  "So, what of the memory spell? Any progress?"

"I'm afraid not."

Lily wasn't buying it.  "Avernus, you wouldn't be keeping the spell from me, would you?"

"Of course, not.  Why would I do such a thing?"

"I don't know, but I find it hard to believe Jowan knows a blood magic spell and you don't."

"You spared my life, Commander, and allowed me to continue my research; albeit hampered by ethics, but continued nonetheless.  I will do whatever I can to aid you faithfully. You can see by my acceleration in aging that I have honored our agreement."

"I noticed."

"Then, I have no reason to deceive you in this."

"I suppose not," Lily submitted, although she remained suspicious.

"Blood magic isn't a simple course.  There are as many origins and practices as there are regular magicks."

"So, you need the book Jowan used."

"Indeed."

"He said he doesn't have it anymore."

"Seems a rather important thing to lose."

_Unless it was stolen._  "Of course! _Isolde!_ I bet it's where she found the enchantment spell!"


	27. Twenty-Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trouble in Paradise.

Lily's eyes opened as she felt the clutch of massive hands around her throat.  Alistair hovered over her, face twisted in rage, as he attempted to strangle the life from her.  She vainly grasped at his arms and wrists, as his hateful eyes bore into her, the vicious curl upon his lip illuminated in the dark by the fire.  She desperately searched her field of vision for Anders, but she could not see or hear him. She slid her legs from under Alistair, and placed the bottom of her feet on his chest, then catapulted him across the room. As he hit the wall, Alistair disappeared.

Lily started gasping, as she quickly sat up, waking for real this time, to the morning light and Anders next to her.  She hurried out of bed and over to the mirror, where she frantically examined her neck. _No marks, nothing. It was just a dream._  Lily sat in the chair, and tried to calm her panicked breathing.

"Are you alright?"  Startled awake by the commotion, Anders jumped out of bed and went to her.  He knelt down in front of her chair, and put his hands on the side of her face, attempting to force her to focus on him.  "It was just a nightmare. You're okay, and I'm right here," he comforted.

_Did I dream all of it?  Sophia? Avernus?_

"Can you tell me what happened?"  Anders asked.

Her eyes finally met Anders'.  "Alistair. He tried to kill me," she said breathlessly.

"Whoa.  That sounds like a warning."

"Could be.  Could also be Sophia's ghost trying to manipulate me into killing him."

"Wait, what?"

"Last night, I heard something...although, now I'm unsure if I dreamt that too."  Lily jumped up and quickly began getting dressed.

Anders followed her, grabbing his clothes as well, and trying to decipher what she was talking about.  "Dreamt what else?"

"Sophia.  Well, her ghost," Lily replied as she ran from the bedroom to the office across the hall.  She flung open the door to find it perfectly in order, and empty, which is what she expected.

"What did she say?"  Anders asked, as he caught up with her.

"She said I had to kill Alistair.  That his line was tainted and he'd lead Ferelden into ruin.  But, Avernus says she just wants vengeance. _Avernus_!" Lily darted past Anders and up the stairs to the tower.

Unexpectedly, for the first time since she had discovered it, Lily found the tower empty.  The fire was long extinguished, and in the chair she believed he occupied the night before, was Avernus' robe and staff, and a pile of ash.  On the adjacent table was the tea tray, with a half consumed cup of tea, and a note. Lily read the note aloud:

 

_Warden-Commander,_

_I apologize for my sudden absence, but the day two hundred years blood magic delayed, has finally come.  I have completed my research to my best capability, and sent my findings via courier to Weisshaupt. You will find a copy, along with all of my notes and journals, upon my research table.  I thank you, Commander, for allowing the completion of my life's work, enabling me to pass on in peace, with the hope I contributed something more valuable to this world than what I took. Remember this...however it is altered or practiced, and no matter who wields it, blood magic comes from demons.  The corruption may be subtle at first, but it always there, waiting, tempting, contaminating, eventually clawing its way into control. As it has guided you well this far, I would leave this advice...follow your heart. It may not always be right, but it will never be wrong._

_Most Sincerely,_

_Avernus_

 

Anders scrunched his face and pointed to the chair.  "So, that pile of...is _Avernus_?"

"I'm afraid so."   _Now, I'll never know_ , Lily thought.  "Well, dream or not, I think I know where Jowan's blood magic book is.  I believe Anora is _forcing_ Isolde to do magic, think about it. She's tried to hide it her whole life, wouldn't acknowledge or even study it, for either herself or her son.  Suddenly, she's doing blood magic?"

"That does seem odd," Anders agreed.

"I think Anora made Isolde steal that book from Jowan.  I'd wager _both_ of the spells on Alistair came from that book."

Anders raised an eyebrow and slid an arm around her waist.  "So, we might not have to kill Isolde?"

Lily frowned, extremely disappointed.  "We _might_ not have to kill Isolde."

Anders grinned wide and kissed her cheek.

"But, I don't care what anyone says.  Anora dies, _brutally_ , and by _my_ hand. I owe her three times over."

Anders eyed her suspiciously.  "Perhaps, Sophia isn't the only one seeking vengeance."

"So, what if I am?"

"Then, I see why Sophia chose you," Anders implicated.

Lily backed away from him, "So, what are you saying?  I should let her _live_? After all she's done? Free to try again?"

"Not free, no.  Why not leave the decision to Alistair?  He _is_ the King."

"Only because _I_ made it so!"  Lily shouted.

Anders sighed.  "Pride, too?  You trying to make it easy for them?"

Lily brushed past him and left the tower, even angrier and more confused than when she entered.


	28. Twenty-Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang heads for Amaranthine to pick up Wynne. Among devastating news, Anders battles his worst impulses to keep his relationship with Lily pure.

En route to Amaranthine, neither Lily or Anders spoke, leaving Mhairi feeling like a child thrust between feuding parents.  Although Anders had healed her physical wounds, she was still reeling emotionally from her close-call, and missing Garavel terribly.  The nightmares were worse without him, especially now. She missed the way his reddish-brown hair seemed to glow bright orange in the light of a nearby fire.  The way his eyes would twinkle and dance around hers when they laid in bed, as he recited prose, either his, or whatever inspired him at that moment. He once confided he enjoyed her reaction more than the poems themselves.  Mhairi remembered thinking then, _he's too good. He'll be taken away._ That fear was repeated within her every day since.

"It will be nice to see Wynne again," Mhairi finally offered, anxious to get out of her own head.  Neither mage elicited a response more noticeable than a nod. Truthfully, Mhairi was unsure why they were going out of their way to recruit the elder Circle mage.  She definitely appeared as if her travelling and fighting days were behind her, and she didn't speak as if she were eager to change that. "What if she refuses to come?"

"She cares for Alistair and Ferelden," Lily assured her.  "She will come."

"You think she can help free Justice, too?"  Anders quietly asked.

"I'm not certain, but she does have some... _knowledge_ of friendly spirits inhabiting corpses."  Lily answered, professionally. Anders hadn't spoken to her since their argument in the tower this morning, or, more accurately, she hadn't spoken to him.  He didn't seem to be angry, but Lily certainly was. 

Anders was giving her time and space to cool off.   _As he wisely should,_ she admitted to herself. Lily knew she could be hot-headed, and had learned that anything that came from her mouth in those moments, she would regret.  She longed for some time alone, even just one day. _Perhaps, it's time for the Hero of Ferelden to disappear, once this is over._

Mid-afternoon, the Wardens made a camp in the densely wooded hills above the city, and sent Mhairi to retrieve Wynne, as well as some supplies.  Lily watched Anders sulk in front of the fire for over an hour, before she decided she felt more sorry for him than angry at him, and silently sat down beside him.

"I didn't say those things to insult you," Anders quickly explained.  "I said them because I care about you."

"I know, and you're right, about everything except one thing.  Anora _has_ to die. I'll never live in peace if she doesn't."

"I wouldn't try to stop you, Lily, even if I thought I could.  Anora made her own grave, and tried to bury many others with her.  Whatever she gets is less than she deserves." Anders took her hand in his, "I just don't want it to change _you_."

Of course he was thinking of her, she obviously wasn't.  All Lily could see was her hands around Anora's throat, it was almost all she could think about.  She'd only felt this level of hatred and vengeance for one other person...Anora's father, Loghain Mac Tir.  It had even blinded her at times, and made her trust people she shouldn't have, most specifically, Anora. Betrayal was a particularly unforgivable transgression to Lily, which made her a hypocrite, considering what she had done to Jowan.  

If he were in his proper mind, Alistair might feel she'd done the same to him, by taking up with Anders.   _When the cloud lifts from his mind, he'll still think I'm his. I broke our promise, and didn't even tell him._  Realizing that made her sick to her stomach. _Oh, Lily. They are right, you are selfish...and prideful...and teeming with vengeance.  And, now, you're in love with both of them._ "Excuse me," Lily said, as she jumped up and darted into the woods, where she immediately began to heave.

"Are you alright?" Anders called, barely resisting the urge to follow her.

"Fine," she replied, and then wretched again.

"You don't sound fine," Anders argued.

As she leaned forward to vomit again, Lily had to catch herself on a nearby tree, as she became lightheaded and nearly fell.  Sparkles of light floated from outside her rapidly narrowing field of vision, and she wrapped both arms around the tree. "Anders," she breathlessly and desperately whispered, clinging to the tree in a feeble attempt at stability. As her head limped backwards, she felt Anders' arms clutch around her, and she fell unconscious.

Anders carried Lily back to the campsite, gently placed her on the ground, and held his hands above her.  They hovered, searched up and down, trying to locate the source of her illness, stopping above her lower abdomen. _She is with child_. Anders knew that the timing in her onset of sickness meant it most likely wasn't his. _She's carrying Ferelden's heir._

Anders slumped back on his heels, and hung his head.  He wasn't a naive man, and well aware this would change everything.  He could tell her, and begin to lose her now; or, he could wait for her to figure it out on her own.   _Perhaps, by then, this thing with Alistair will be settled, and she'll still be mine. Maybe, she'd even assume I am the father_. Anders was disgusted with himself. Lying by omission was still lying. 

A few moments later, Lily's eyes fluttered open, and Anders was already drowning in guilt.  He wanted to let the words spill forth, but he couldn't make himself release them. He was _terrified_ to lose her, more afraid than he had been of anything in his whole life. _Telling her now might also hamper the mission_ , he rationalized with himself. _She would hold back, perhaps withdraw entirely. Or, even worse, charge in impatiently, alone and unprepared._  

"Well, _that_ was something," Lily joked, as she tried to sit up with Anders' assistance.   A clap of thunder in the distance broke, as the first drops of rain began to fall on them, and Anders helped her into the tent instead.  "I feel better now, I suppose it was something I ate."

Anders handed her the waterskin.  "Take a few small sips, then you should rest," he said without meeting her eyes, keeping his focus on his lap.

Lily frowned, assuming he was still displeased with her decision about Anora.  She laid down, placing her head in his lap, and playfully gazing up at his forlorn face.  "I love you, Anders. Whatever happens, _that_ won't change." She pulled his face close to hers and kissed him sweetly, wanting their fight to be over.

Anders realized the moments between now and her discovery wouldn't be happy, they would be like this, full of guilt and confusion.  It would simply be him doing the pushing away instead of her. "You're with child," he blurted, relieved to be free of the burden.

Lily's eyes flared wide, "What?  But, that's impossible!"

"Why?  You do know how babies are made, correct?"

Lily quickly sat up, and found herself immediately in regret for the dizziness that accompanied her.  She grabbed onto Anders to halt the sway. "Two Grey Wardens can't produce a child, because of the taint."

"Someone told you that, I assume, because it has never happened?"

"Yes."

"That doesn't mean it is impossible.  If you truly believe in the Maker, nothing is."

"If it's a miracle, why do you look so devastated?"

Anders sighed, then put on his best smile.  "I'm very happy for you."

"For _me_?  Like I did it by myself?  You're not one of _those_ types are you?"

"No!  Of course, not!  It's just, well, it is unlikely the child is mine, Lily.  The timing of your sickness indicates you are at least four or five weeks along.  It is almost certain you carry the heir of Ferelden."

"Oh.  Now, your face makes sense."


	29. Twenty-Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is Wynne...isn't it?

As Lily slept, Anders laid silently next to her, eyes fixed open, listening to the raindrops beat a rhythm against the tent canvas.  Lily had made all the assurances he needed; the problem was, he didn't believe her, no matter how much he wanted to. Not that she was lying, but in some respects, she was still a naive Circle mage with little understanding about the true ways of the world.  She didn't want things to change, she didn't even want to tell Alistair, but he was proof enough secrets of succession never stay hidden. The dream of an isolated paradise that had planted itself within them had now withered into an undesirable, and cumbersome alternate reality neither expected.

Anders heard the approach of horses, lifting him from his melancholic thoughts.  He peeked from the tent to see Mahairi and Wynne crest the hilltop, and went out to grab the reins of their mounts.  Anders helped the women from their horses, and motioned the ladies toward the other two tents, as he tied the mounts up with the others.  "Lily is asleep," he informed them.

Ignoring his warning, both women walked toward Lily's tent.  Mhairi peered inside and nodded to Wynne. "Just checking. Things were kind of tense when I left."

Anders rolled his eyes.  "As if I would ever harm her."  

"That is _not_ what I was worried about," Mhairi corrected with a smile.

Anders gave her a terse look.  "Neither, would she harm me." The rain finally subsided, and Anders flung a fireball into the pit to reignite the fire.  "We'll have to wait until morning to return to Soldier's Peak."

"Is everything alright?"  Wynne asked.

"Yes, but there was an incident.  I, uh, I'd rather let Lily explain it, but she needs the extra rest."  Anders said, as he began to paw through the supplies Mhairi had procured.

"Me, too," Mhairi added on her way to one of the other tents.  "I'm exhausted. See you in the morning."

"Is there anything I can get for you, Wynne?  Are you hungry, or thirsty, perhaps?" Anders offered.

"Don't worry about me, young man.  I can take care of myself. You have enough on your mind, don't you?"  Wynne knowingly suggested as she made a place by the fire.

"That obvious, is it?"

"Oh my, yes.  You do not hide it well, I'm afraid.  Although, you're not the first man I've seen wear that mask of stifled despair, hopelessly caught somewhere between love and duty."

Anders sighed, and settled on a bottle of wine and some spice bread from the supply cache.  "Anchored in lonely hearts, they are bound to intertwine."

"Indeed, they are.  I used to think only fools leapt into such obviously perilous waters."

"And now?"  Anders plopped down next to the elder mage.

"Now...I suppose I believe life is short, and having more faith in good than bad is...well, it's encouraging."

"Or, we indulge in fantasies better left undisturbed."  Anders took a monstrous bite of bread, and a long gulp from the bottle to wash it down.

"You don't fool me.  You may convince yourself that you believe that, but not me.  You would still rather know than not, and you'd rather have faith than eliminate the chance."

"I know, and I used to be such a superb pessimist."

Wynne laughed.  "Love has a way of transforming even the most hardened of us."

"I suppose," Anders mumbled with his mouth full.  "Lily says you have experience with friendly spirits.  How's so? To my knowledge, I've never encountered any, not here or the fade.  At least, not until Justice."

"They are reclusive, and selective.  Most don't wish to enter our world, or even disturb it.  But, sometimes, something will catch their eye, so to speak.  Usually, the spirit is moved to action by the plight of someone who embodies the spirit's purpose, be it wisdom, compassion, faith."

"Justice."

"Correct."

"What does the spirit usually do in these cases?"

"Typically, they watch, perhaps offer gentle guides.  Some are bolder. They openly converse and even teach their subject.  They may even intervene."

"Intervene?"

"I'm not even certain it is always intentional, but the desire to help can so move them, that they can alter events in our world.  Prevent or delay a death, for instance, or even take the subject's place, as is the case with your friend Justice. Since his summoning was accidental, I fear he may be less stable that those who choose it."

"What happens then?"

"Well, we are fortunate in this case, the body the spirit inhabited was already empty.  However, it also means he has less time before being corrupted. The body will continue to decay without a soul, which spirits and demons do not possess."

"I don't see how that is fortunate."

"Because, another soul was not destroyed in the process.  A spirit and a soul cannot inhabit the same body without one dying.  It can be gradual or instant, but the spirit _will_ overpower the soul."

"Can the soul ever overcome the spirit?"

"No.  A corrupted spirit will undoubtedly become a demon, eventually warped by their purpose.  Spirits do not possess emotions, or have a concept of time. Strangers to our world, feeling it all with such urgency is overwhelming for them, driving them mad, and the soul as well."

"It sounds as if you're going to say the only 'cure' is death."

"It is unpleasant, but true.  They must be returned to the fade, and reborn as something else."

"Just like us," Anders pointed out.

"Yes...just like... _us_ ," Wynne nervously complied as she rose, and excused herself to her tent.

Anders was glad he started drinking at least, before he got this bit of bad news.


	30. Thirty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zevran returns to Vigil's Keep, and is forced to improvise.

The last thing Zevran expected to view upon arrival to Vigil's Keep was dozens of villagers rioting at the gate, yet here they were.  

Garavel was happy to see Zevran, but less than pleased the Warden was not with him.  "I understand she has problems of her own, but the nobles are starving the villagers and blaming the Warden-Commander!"

"The nobles ally with Anora.  They aim to usurp the throne and rid Ferelden of the Grey Wardens' influence, specifically that of the Warden-Commander."

"You are her friend, what would she have us do?"

"She would order you to give the villagers all the food you can spare.  Then, have the goods they produce brought here, and buy them."

"Cut out the nobles?  That will empty Amaranthine of supplies."

"Amaranthine nobles decide its fate, do they not?  Any non-noble born refugees that seek a place here, give them one.  When Amaranthine falls, so will its nobles. In the meantime, they will have more pressing issues to focus on besides the Warden-Commander."

It was a simple, although brutal plan, but Garavel supposed an example was required to be made.  "There will be so much death in the city."

"If they had accomplished their goal, your Mhairi would already be dead."

A sudden panic enveloped Garavel.  "But, she is alright?!"

"Thanks to the Warden-Commander, she is.  Actually, it's an amusing story, if you take out the part where Mhairi was almost executed by King Alistair."

*******

As Garavel and his men passed out supplies from the keep stores to the villagers, Zevran ventured inside to find Oghren, Justice, and Jowan.  As everyone who entered Vigil's Keep was, Zevran was greeted by Varel.

"Ser Zevran!  It's is good to see you again, but I'm afraid the Warden-Commander is not here at present."

"I am aware, I come at her behest."

Varel's face lifted at the news.  "Excellent! We have heard the lies out of Denerim.  The nobles have been doing their best to drive us out, but we will not falter.  Mistress Woolsey has sent notification to Weisshaupt, but has yet to receive a response.  What are the Commander's orders?" He asked anxiously.

"I am sent to retrieve the other new Wardens."

"Oh.  That does present a problem.  Ser Jowan left almost immediately after his Joining, accompanied by the dwarf, and the, uh, _other_ one."

"Did they say where they were going?"

"Redcliffe.  The mage said a boy needed his help, and they would return as soon as possible."

_Uh, oh.  How are we to ambush Teagan and his men with three Grey Wardens, an elderly mage, and an assassin?_  Zevran returned to Garavel, who was just inside of the front gate, conversing with a well dressed older man.

"I assure you Bann Edlebreck, they are nothing more than the polluted lies of a usurper and her self-serving minions." Garavel asserted firmly. 

Zevran was in a hurry, and decided to move this conversation along.  "Pardon me, but having been at the Hero's side during the blight, as well as for current events, I must ask you, Ser...do you really believe the woman who risked her life to rid Ferelden of an archdemon, and _your_ lands of the darkspawn, would murder the Arl after she had to go through possessed blood mages, demons, a horde of darkspawn, a cult of dragon fanatics, a high dragon, and a morality gauntlet just to acquire the Sacred Ashes of Andraste to cure him?"

Bann Edlebreck appeared embarrassed.  "Well, when you put it just so, I don't suppose that would make any sense at all."

"Do not doubt, the Warden will emerge victorious in this as well, as will those courageous enough to stand by her."  Zevran confidently added.

"Now, _he_ makes sense, Garavel.  I can take a dozen or so, but it will be field work, we don't need anymore house servants.  I have six vacant lodgings, each big enough for a family of three or four. But, no free rides, Garavel!  Anyone who stays with me, works, and he earns a pay. The surplus of my farms, we'll sell directly to Vigil's Keep.  I only wish I could be there to see Esmerelle's face when her gold lacquered walls come crumbling down around her."

Garavel shook the Bann's hand vigorously.  "Thank you, Ser! You will not regret it!" After Bann Edlebreck excused himself from the two men, and walked outside the gate to see about his new hires, Garavel turned to Zevran.  "Thank you. I'm afraid my polite words were doing little to sway him."

"Niceties work well for most situations, but sometimes, the blunt truth is needed.  Which brings me to the reason for my interruption. With the situation here under control, I was wondering if I could, um, _borrow_ you and some of the keep's soldiers."

"For the Warden?"

Zevran nodded.

"How many do you need?"

_How many regular soldiers does it take to replace three Grey Wardens?_  "Thirty should do."

"I'll start preparations immediately.  We can be ready to depart in two hours."

*******

Zevran stood out riding amongst the soldiers, his horse as blonde as his own hair, and naked among the others' armored steeds.  He was also the only elf among them. He was curious if any of the human soldiers following behind he and Garavel had any apprehension about that.  Not that he would care, if they did. Men's loyalties were often lent to the most mundane of things, passing on the truly special, simply because it wasn't easily obtained.  It took faith, dedication, and a conviction to do what's right that far too many lack. Garavel was one of the few, Zevran could readily recognize that.

"If anyone else had told me this story, I don't think I would have believed it," Garavel responded at the conclusion of Zevran's tale of Mhairi's rescue.

Zevran laughed deeply.  "I was there, and I can't believe it!"

"She is lucky to have friends like you, and Anders, and the Warden-Commander.  I worry too much." Garavel sighed and shook his head.

Zevran decided Garavel could use some cheering up, get his mind on the good.  "Your lady misses you a great deal, and will be most surprised and pleased to see you."

Garavel turned to face him, and shyly smiled.  "I'm hoping so." His face suddenly turned serious.  "Can I ask you something? Something... _personal_?"

"You may ask whatever you like, but, I may also answer with whatever I like," Zevran smirked.

"Fair enough.  Suppose you were courting a woman -" Garavel began.

Zevran interrupted him with a bold laugh, genuinely amused by the man's assumption that he would do such a thing.

"Okay, suppose you loved a woman -"

Zevran played it up, laughing harder and pretending to almost fall off of his horse.

Garavel frowned, "Alright, alright.  Nevermind."

"Just marry her already.  What is there to think about?  Besides the Commander and Anders, I've never seen two people more suited to each other."

"Anders?  The apostate Warden?  I thought the Warden-Commander and the King..."

"Ha!  That is another amusing story you'll want to hear.  Although, sadly, it doesn't involve any cats."


	31. Thirty-One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unexpected event at Soldier's Peak gives both Lily and Anders a new perspective.

Since their return to Soldier's Peak, Lily had tried to stay busy.  She didn't want to appear to be avoiding Anders, which she was. Not that it was difficult to accomplish, since he spent most of his time in his room, with his books and his cat.  Lily didn't believe the space given was for her benefit this time, and a withdrawn Anders worried her. They had imagined something much different than this, something better; and, being faced with a reality that left them each feeling insecure, plagued their minds, and toyed with the emotions of both.

Still in the dark about what exactly was going on between her friends, Mhairi watched the Warden across the table, staring in the direction of Anders' closed door.  Lily looked as if she wanted to cry, as she turned her focus back to her plate of eggs, and moved them around with her fork.

"I was thinking of going for a ride in the mountains after breakfast, would you like to join me?"  Mhairi asked, hopeful the fresh air and distance from Anders' door would lift her friend's spirit.

"That would be lovely," Lily answered, as she met Mhairi's gaze with a half-hearted smile.

Suddenly, Levi burst through the door from downstairs, into the dining room.  "Where is the healer?!"

Lily dropped her fork and stood, "Is someone hurt?"

"It's Layla!  She's having the baby!  I, I think something is wrong!"

Anders' door opened, and he emerged, evidently having heard the commotion.  "Take me to her," he instructed Levi.

The Wardens followed Levi to the row of small homes behind the keep, where most of the Drydens were already anxiously gathered, and into the first house.  Layla was lying on the bed, on her side with her knees up to her chest, moaning and breathing heavily. Mikhael's wife knelt beside the bed, holding Layla's hand and gently encouraging her, as she wiped her forehead with a wet cloth.

Anders quickly went to the bed and rolled Layla onto her back.  He put his hands over her protruding abdomen, and she stopped moaning.  Anders' hands glowed blue as he eased her pain, and searched for the source of the problem.  "Layla, I know you're scared, but everything is going to be just fine," Anders said calmly. "The baby is in a little bit of distress, so we need to get her out now."  He turned to Lily, "I need your help."

Lily was petrified by the scene unfolding in front of her, overly aware she would soon experience the same thing.  She could not move, nor pull her eyes away.

"Lily?"  Anders asked again.

Mhairi elbowed Lily in the side.  Suddenly aware she was holding her breath, Lily gasped, snapping out of it, and quickly joined Anders by the bed.

"Help her push forward on my count," Anders directed to Lily, who absently nodded, and put her hand behind Layla's shoulder.  "Layla, we need to get the baby out right now, so we need a big push, okay?" Layla nodded, as Anders positioned himself between her legs.  "One, two, three, push!"

The baby's head protruded from the opening, and Anders saw the mother's cord was wrapped around the baby's neck.   He pulled at it gently, but it appeared to be wrapped further down as well. He needed to get the rest of the baby out, she was already blue and not breathing.  

"One more push Layla!  Three, two, one, push!"  The baby's shoulders emerged from her mother.  Anders quickly pulled her out and unwrapped the cord from her foot and neck.  He emptied her mouth of the gunk and turned the baby over, desperately willing her to breathe.   _Please! Lily can't see this end in tragedy!_ Anders gently massaged the baby's back with the base of his palm, _breathe, baby, breathe!_  Finally, she coughed and began to wail. A collective sigh of relief, followed by cheers, filled the tiny cabin.

*******

Amongst all of the excitement, Lily managed to slip out and wander the grounds alone for awhile.  What she had just witnessed had shaken her more than anything ever had, which was saying a lot. She surmised she'd be willing to kill ten archdemons in exchange for never having to go through... _that_. _How do other women do it?_ She really didn't understand, but told herself, _if they can do it, so can I._ She would tell herself that lie until it became true. What choice did she have?

Lily still wanted to hold onto the hope that Anders was the father, but after seeing his display of expertise on the subject, she figured he knew what he was talking about.  The only person who desired that to be true more than her was undoubtedly Anders, and he could have made her think so, if he wanted to. But, he told her the truth, knowing it could change everything.

Lily tried to reassure him in every way she knew how, but he didn't seem to believe her.  Anders had called her 'naive'. She _hated_ that. Maybe two years ago, but not now. She had seen and done way too much for that to be accurate.  She supposed Anders would say that's her pride getting the best of her again.

Lily stood on the battlements between the keep and the tower, looking out over the grounds.  She thought of Alistair. It would be easier to never see him again, than to say all that needed to be said between them.  She missed how she used to believe he thought of her as an equal. She had come to realize that men like him, and Cullen, would always see the mage first.  They were Templars, after all.

Despite the blight they were putting down, the traitors they were unmasking, and the problems of everyone in Ferelden they were fixing...life then, on the road with Alistair, seemed so simple compared to now.  They had a common goal, and nothing could tear them apart. Not even Zevran, and he really did try. It wasn't the traveling she craved, but the isolation. She had begun to see the world much differently than even a few months ago, and her new view left her cynical and depressed.  

 _He didn't want to be King, and I forced him into it just to keep Anora from it.  Now that he wants to fulfill his duty, I don't want any part of it. Not only that, I don't want our child to be a part of it, either.  Who is really the one being unfair?_ As far as Lily was concerned, she believed he was. There would always be someone just like Anora, willing to do anything, and go through anyone, for a grasp at power.  Alistair would insist he could keep them safe, _but look at him!_ He can't even keep himself out of harm's way. Lily was tired of fighting just to live.

The door to the keep next to her opened, and Anders stepped through, silently joining her in gazing out over the grounds.  He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "It's a beautiful day to be alive, isn't it?"

"I suppose," Lily flatly replied.  "You seem to be in a better mood, at least."

"Nothing like a birth to either scare you to death, or reaffirm your zest for life."  He smiled and winked at her.

Lily lightly laughed, at herself.  "I guess we all know which it did for me."

Anders rested his hand on her shoulder.  "It's expected, and completely understandable."

"You know I hate being predictable."

"I doubt anyone would call you that."

"You were impressive, I had no idea you knew how to assist a birth."

"I know more than magical healing," Anders replied with a boastful grin.

Lily was tired of the awkwardness, and felt like she deserved more than a dance around the subject.  "Look, if you don't want to be more than friends anymore, that's fine. I get it. But, just shutting me out pisses me off.  I didn't _do_ anything wrong. _This_ ," she said pointing to her belly, "only changes things if _you_ let it."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to shut you out.  I just needed some time alone to think. It's just...in the Circle, love was always just a game.  No mage I have ever known has dared to truly fall in love. It gave the Templars too much power, if there was something you couldn't live without.  I never expected to find a friend here, much less something like this, or someone like you. You made me break all of my rules -"

"I'm sorry, Anders, I never meant -"

Anders held up his hands to cut off her unrequested apology.  "Let me finish. You made me break all of my rules, but I'm _glad_ for it.  You're worth it." He slid his arms around her waist and pulled her close to him.  " _This_ is worth it." For the first time since the woods, Anders kissed her, deeply, wrapping his arms around her and thinking of nothing else except the way she made him feel.  Although he regretted their time apart, he believed those moments would have been tainted with his poisoned thoughts. His mind was clear now, and he knew what he had to do, what he _wanted_ to do.  "I want what you want. You, me, the baby, here, living in peace, out of the world's fray. Free to study, free to love, free to be. Master to no one, and a slave to none."

"I swear, sometimes it's as if you pluck the thoughts right from my mind," Lily admitted as she lovingly gazed into his eyes.

"We have much in common.  I've never told anyone of how I came to be at the Circle, but my story mirrors yours.  My father was a coward, and called the Templars on a twelve year old boy, just because I _accidentally_ set a teeny-tiny barn on fire.  I can still see my mother's tear-soaked face as he held her back, ordering them to drag me away."

"I'm so sorry, you must have been so angry."

"I was.  For years, I didn't speak at all.  I've never even told anyone my real name," Anders surprisingly revealed.  "I figured, it didn't matter. I was already whoever, or whatever, they decided I was.  Nothing I could have said would have changed that, and letting them know anything about you just gave them ammunition."

"You've been so lonely," Lily said sympathetically.

"I didn't realize that until I met you.  You know, I had a friend like you once. His name was Karl, or _is_ Karl.  I'm not sure what happened to him after he was taken away. But, not even with him did I share as much as I want to with you."  Anders leaned down and put his lips to her ear, and whispered his real name. "My last secret, you now know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anders' dialogue here should sound familiar if you've played DA2 and romanced him. Without giving too much from the next story away, this story operates under the premise that DA2 "Anders" isn't Anders at all.


	32. Thirty-Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Wardens ambush Bann Teagan.

When his carriage suddenly halted, Teagan stepped out, severely agitated.  "Why have we stopped?!" He questioned the closest soldier, who pointed ahead. Since the sun had already begun to set, Teagan was forced to walk ahead to see what was causing the delay.  He immediately recognized the blonde elf sitting on the horse in the middle of the road as one of the Warden's companions. Behind him were thirty or so soldiers, by Teagan's estimation.  "Stand down," Teagan ordered his men. He heard rustling of trees off to his right, and Teagan turned to see the Warden-Commander, flanked by three others.

Teagan knew he didn't have the manpower to defeat their forces, but he also didn't have the desire to engage them at this point, especially when he needed their help. Everything he thought he knew about Isolde was false. Once again, she had endangered them all with her lies and reckless selfishness. "I don't wish to fight you, Warden.  I know it wasn't you that attacked Eamon. Isolde confessed to me, and sent you this." Teagan held up the book Isolde had given him.

Lily dismounted and began toward the Arl.  Anders and Mhairi quickly followed suit, unwilling to leave their Commander unprotected.  Lily held up her hand to stay them, "It's alright. He can't harm me."

Teagan stepped toward the Commander.  "I assure you, that is _not_ my intention, Warden."  He placed the book on the ground and backed away.

Lily walked forward and picked up the book.  "I suppose this is the book Isolde stole from Jowan?"

"It is.  It is her peace offering.  Isolde realizes the monster she has enabled is a far greater threat to Ferelden than you are."

"I am _not_ a threat to Ferelden."

"As long as the King is in love with you, _you are_.  You're not only a mage, you're a mage that killed a Knight-Commander.  Self-defense or not, you know how that will go."

Lily glanced back toward Anders, who emphatically shook his head, and mouthed the word ' _No_!'

As much as it pained her to give him the satisfaction of getting his way, Lily decided it was best for Anders to let Teagan have it.  "What if I said I would let him go?"

"You will refuse to see him if he persists?"

"I will.  In exchange, you will drop all of the charges against me and the other Grey Wardens, hand over the evidence against me, and you're first order of business once the throne is restored is to unbanish the Grey Wardens from Ferelden."

"Very well, I agree."  Teagan put his hand forward and Lily shook it.  "I do not do this to harm you, Warden. I only seek to do what is best for Alistair and Ferelden."

"As do I."

"Then, I apologize for what I did to you.  Truly, I am sorry.  I was blinded by love as well."

_Some things can't be forgiven._  "I appreciate that. Did Isolde undo the spells on Alistair?"

"I believe it was her intention, but I do not know.  He was still enchanted when I left, and I cannot say what has happened in the days since my departure.  Only that she believed Eamon may have escaped Anora's assassination attempt."

"If that is the case, Isolde must know her days are numbered."

"What do you mean?"

Lily glanced over toward Zevran, looking for Jowan and the others, but didn't see them.  "Jowan heard Isolde make the deal with Anora. She would do Anora's magical bidding, as well as persuade you to side with her, in exchange for making you Arl."

Teagan didn't want to believe her, but Isolde had already broken his heart, and lied to him more than once.  He had prided himself on being a good man, just like his brother, but he had ruined that now. Not in the same way as Alistair, but he had been enchanted, too.  Teagan initially only agreed to sleep with Isolde at Eamon's request, fearful he could not produce an heir. He wondered if Eamon knew the affair had continued, but realized his brother would never mention it, even if he did.  "I have no reason to disbelieve you, Warden. If Eamon is alive, Redcliffe is where he'll be. Perhaps, you would like to accompany us for the remainder of the journey? You and one of your companions may even join me in the carriage, if you like."

Normally, Lily would have declined the carriage offer, but she had other considerations in mind.  "I believe that would be best. Wynne and I will join you."

Teagan bowed, "At your leisure, Warden-Commander," and retreated to his carriage.  

Lily returned to the group from Soldier's Peak, behind her.  "We're going to accompany them to Redcliffe. Teagan believes Eamon may have escaped."

Anders crossed his arms, "You know this is a trap, right?"

"I don't think so.  He gave me this," Lily handed Anders Jowan's blood magic tome.  "Speaking of which," Lily turned and let out a loud whistle.

As Zevran approached, Mhairi noticed the man behind him, and lit up with excitement.  Garavel practically jumped from his horse, and scooped Mhairi up into his arms. "I heard I almost lost you," he whispered, kissing her before he'd let her answer.

"Not with the Warden-Commander to watch my back," Mhairi smiled, and turned toward Lily.

Keeping Mhairi firmly in grasp with one arm, Garavel wrapped the other around Lily, and pulled her in for an unexpected hug.  "I love you, too, Warden-Commander," he joyfully proclaimed as he planted a kiss on her cheek.

"Hey now!"  Anders interrupted, tugging Lily to him.  "One Warden is enough for _any_ Captain."

"Zevran, where are the others?"  Lily asked, secretly delighted by Anders' sweet display of jealousy.

Zevran dismounted and walked over to Wynne, helping her down from her horse.  "Redcliffe. Jowan said the boy needed his help, they went with him."

"Well, that's convenient," Anders stated.

"Not necessarily," Lily argued.  "Jowan _never_ has a good idea. Whatever he's done, I'm sure it's made things about ten times worse." 


	33. Thirty-Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meanwhile, in Denerim...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING for SUICIDE.

Anora's newly arrived regiment of Templars marched into the throne room in formation, stopping in front of the Queen to kneel in unison.

"I'm told by your Knight-Commander that you have particular familiarity with our fugitive, Templar...Rutherford, is it?"  Anora queried.

One of the Templars rose and stepped forward.  "Yes, Your Majesty. The Hero, I mean, the uh, fugitive was one of the mages under my watch at Lake Calenhad.  She, and Alis-, uh, the King, freed me when the Circle fell to Uldred's treachery."

"Interesting," Anora mused.  Since her interrogation of Alistair had revealed nothing of the time before the memory spell was cast, _this could be something_ , she mused.  "You have no problem hunting the mage that saved your life?"

"Not if it is the Maker's will that I should do so," Cullen answered dutifully, and without hesitation.

Satisfied with his answer, Anora dismissed the soldiers and turned to whisper to Isolde.  "I may want to enchant that one as well. He seems reluctant to disclose anything about the Warden," Anora suggested.

Isolde had dreaded this moment for days.  "I, I cannot, your majesty. I, uh, the book was...stolen...from my quarters."

"What?!  When?!"

"I am uncertain.  Perhaps, when the Warden -"

"Don't blame your failure on the Warden!  Let me guess. The only spell you wrote down was the fertility spell?"  Anora incredulously interrogated.

"Well, I, I didn't suspect -"

"I doubt you suspect much of _anything_ , Isolde," Anora snapped.  "Find that book or find me a more competent blood mage!"

Truthfully, Isolde had written down all three spells; but, she was unwilling to give Anora more power.   _I've given her too much already, and only to my peril._ Isolde knew what she was set on doing before she even left main hall.  

Two tiny, stumbling hearts she'd been given, and she'd mangled them both in her selfish quest for relevance.  If Eamon has indeed escaped the fate we set, my time is already at its end. Teagan's assurances meant little before, but even less in the light of what he'd soon discover.  She could have been a mother to Ferelden, instead of the bringer of its despair. _Perhaps, I can be a mother to him now._

Alistair was almost indiscernible from the suits of armor lining the hall.  Isolde took his hand, and led him to her chambers. Isolde locked the door behind them, and sat Alistair on the bed.  She solemnly walked to her vanity, withdrew three letters, and placed them inside Alistair’s coat before kneeling down in front of him.  

The tears fell as Isolde began to speak, "Alistair, I know I was cruel to you, and I'm sorry.  If I had known, if Eamon had just told me the truth..." Her sobs temporarily overtook her. "I'm going to release you.  Please, my King, have mercy on me." Isolde repeated the reversal ritual she had performed before in the garden, but nothing happened.  Alistair remain perfectly still, staring straight ahead. "Alistair?"

"Yes," he answered obediently.

_Did it not work?_  "Alistair, raise your left hand," Isolde instructed, and the King did as he was commanded.  Isolde began to panic. _Perhaps, neither was the memory spell undone! Could I have misinterpreted?_  "Alistair, when you were sent to the Templars, you destroyed something in anger that was later returned to you.  What was it?" Isolde was ashamed she had believed Eamon had painstakingly restored the amulet for other reasons, as she gazed at it now, dangling from the King's neck.

"I do not recall," Alistair answered.

Isolde was frantic.  She stood and began to pace, stopping every few steps to cry.  She could do nothing about the memory spell, since she no longer had the book, nor was she the mage who had cursed him.  She could, however, release him from her enchantment, in the only manner in which she could be certain. 

Isolde walked over to the bed and stood Alistair on his feet.  "Alistair, draw your sword," she sobbingly dictated. Alistair did as he was told, and Isolde tilted his sword in line with her abdomen.  She lovingly put her hand on his cheek, and thrust herself into his blade. As the life ebbed from her, the fog clouding Alistair's mind lifted.  He let go of the sword and stepped back, falling unconscious onto the bed.

*******

Anora sat at a small table in the garden, enjoying her lunch, surrounded by her new Templar bodyguards.  She motioned for the young and handsome Ser Rutherford to join her, and take the other seat that had been reserved for Isolde, who didn't bother to show.  "I'm told you had...difficulties at Kinloch. Aside from the obvious one, of course."

Cullen was genuinely confused, uncertain to what she was referring.  "I'm sorry, I don't understand." He replied nervously, as he sat across the table from the Queen, who had taken a sudden, and weird interest in a lowly Templar like himself.

"First, too friendly."  She gave him a disapproving look.  "Now, too harsh?"

"I suppose some might see it that way.  Thankfully, we can learn from our mistakes.  I used to think mages were just like everyone else.  I learned better."

"How well did you know the fugitive?"  Anora asked pointedly.

"I, uh, attended her Harrowing, Your Highness."

"And?"  Anora prodded.

"It was the swiftest I've ever witnessed."

"I mean, did you have a personal relationship with her?"  Anora asked directly, bored, waiting for him to catch on.

"Of course not," Cullen lied.  

"That is not what I have heard."

"As you know, it is forbidden for Templars to fraternize with their charges," Cullen asserted.

Anora ignored his denial.  "It's not as if I don't understand the temptation.  She is very beautiful, wouldn't you agree?"

"I, uh, suppose so," Cullen answered cautiously.

"Does it shame you to know a mage you were so familiar with murdered one of your Knight-Commanders in cold blood?"

"I cannot be responsible for the actions of others, only myself."

Anora turned to the other Templars behind her and waved her hand, dismissing them.  "Perhaps, there is a way to clear your name, and be rewarded for it, all just for doing the Maker's work."

"Clear my name?"   _A few kisses stolen in the shadows hardly amounts to blasphemy_ , Cullen thought to himself.  Nothing could be proven now, they were very careful, and long over.

"Certainly, a young, ambitious Templar like yourself aspires to a higher station someday.  A reputation like this could make that quite difficult, if not impossible. However, should there be a rectification...coupled with a Queen's appreciation...a young, ambitious Templar might even exceed his own aspirations."

_She wants me to hunt Lily down and kill her on sight.  No trial, no sentencing, straight to the execution_. Cullen knew Lily well enough to know that if she had killed a Templar, it was in self-defense.  But, if he didn't take the mission, the Queen would give it to someone else, someone more inclined to do as she asks. "Do we have the fugitive's phylactery?"

"Unfortunately, no.  She stole it from the Knight-Commander she murdered.  Certainly, it's been destroyed by now."

_Why would the Knight-Commander have Lily's phylactery?_  "Where was she seen last?"

"Here.  She killed Arl Eamon, then made an attempt on the King, and myself.  Although the King thwarted the attempt, she managed to escape capture."

Cullen noticed the slight snarl in her upper lip when speaking of the Warden.   _These charges are ridiculous. This is personal. This can't all be over Alistair, can it?_  The last time he had seen them, Alistair made it pretty clear he was in love with Lily, and that Cullen was a fool.   _Now, he's married to Anora and Lily is a murderer?_ "Could I speak with His Highness? He may know more about her intentions, or where she would go."

"Of course.  Let us fetch him together, shall we?"


	34. Thirty-Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the road to Redcliffe, Lily learns more of Anora's plans, and that Teagan may actually be an ally. (At least for the time being. You know how nobles are.)

Although it had greatly upset Mhairi, when Garavel and the soldiers were to split off to head toward Vigil's Keep, Lily ordered Mhairi to go with him.  She would deny it endlessly, but Mhairi needed a rest and reaffirmation. Honestly, they all did, but not everyone could afford the break. Lily didn't expect anything in Redcliffe that she couldn't handle, and this may be their last opportunity to relax before taking on Anora.

As they made camp the night before their scheduled divergence, Zevran and Garavel approached Lily and informed her of the situation at Vigil's Keep.  She was impressed with their handling of the villagers, and Zevran's plan to turn the tables on the nobles. "What about the darkspawn? Have there been any new reports?"

"A few, but small, unorganized groups only.  Nothing we couldn't handle in the sweeps," Garavel confirmed.  "All the upgrades the dwarf recommended have been completed. If the darkspawn attack again, we will be ready."

 _Good, one less thing to worry about_ , Lily thought.  "I'm concerned about the city guard. The refugees can be transferred easily enough, but the guards may be unwilling to abandon the city."  As any decent person should, Lily despised collateral damage, and would eliminate it if she could. The nobles had been given the courtesy of a warning, but the people had not; and were left at the mercy of the nobles' despicable whims, as well as their consequences.

"It is likely their families suffer along with the rest of the villagers, by the nobles' new taxes," Zevran deduced.  "They may be more willing than we think."

"Ser Zevran is correct," Garavel agreed.  "I can meet with the Captain and plan with him directly.  He is a good man."

"Excellent.  Take Mhairi with you, she'll protect you," Lily smiled, and couldn't help but to laugh as Garavel turned a shade of red normally reserved for fleshy fruits.

Zevran laughed and slapped Garavel on the back.  "It's only funny because it's true, my friend."

Garavel grinned, "I am a lucky man."

"You really are," Zevran assured him.

Garavel cleared his throat and shifted his weight nervously.  "I wanted to ask you, Commander...are there any rules in the Grey Wardens about marriage?"

Lily was so happy for Mhairi, she had almost entirely forgotten about the shortened life span.   _Have I even told Mhairi?_ "Not explicitly, no." She paused before continuing, choosing her words carefully.  "I don't have to tell you how fraught with danger the life of a Grey Warden is, or that the blights and darkspawn come first.  But, it also comes with a shorter life span, due to the blight we carry within us. For Mhairi's sake and yours, make sure you comprehend this, and make every moment between now and then count."

"I will strive to do no less, Commander.  Thank you for your wise and honest counsel."

Zevran shook Garavel's hand, "Congratulations, my friend!  I have no doubt she will say 'yes.'"

"Anytime, Garavel."  Lily eyed him expectantly.  "So, when are you going to propose?"

"When this is over, I was thinking of -"

Zevran interrupted him, "Why wait?  Today is already here, and tomorrow is yet unknown!"

"Well, I've yet to purchase a ring."

"Is that all?"  Zevran laughed and plucked the gold band from his small finger.  "Here, this was a gift from the Warden-Commander. A fine solid gold band for a fine solid gold woman.  Wouldn't you agree, Warden?"

Lily smiled at Zevran's comparison.  "Indeed."

"Ser Zevran, that is most generous, but I couldn't -"

Zevran grabbed Garavel's hand and placed the ring into his palm, squashing his polite hesitation.  "We insist."

Garavel shook Zevran's hand, not something the elf was accustomed to humans doing to him.  "Thank you. I know Mhairi will treasure it when I tell her where it came from."

"She'll treasure it because it came from you," Lily corrected him.

"Thank you, Commander."  Garavel hugged Lily.

As she stepped back into place, she felt Anders' hands slide over her hips from behind.  "Hey, I thought I told you this Warden was spoken for," Anders teased.

Garavel smiled wide and held up the ring.  "Ser Zevran and the Warden-Commander help me to speak for the other."

Anders held out his hand and shook Garavel's.  "Good man! Congratulations!"

"Thank you, Ser.  If you'll excuse me, the familiar aroma of a delicious stew beckons me," Garavel said as he departed for the campfire, where Mhairi stood over a pot, serving bowls to the soldiers.

Zevran put his nose in the air and inhaled, closing his eyes.  "Mmmmm. Mhairi's 'not-fish' stew. I'm with you, friend."

Anders wondered, _If they can get married, why couldn't we?_  "Do you ever think about getting married?" Anders attempted to ask nonchalantly, although they both knew why he was asking.

"I didn't when I was in the Circle."

Anders grinned and nuzzled the back of her neck.  "Who does? So many mages...so little time."

Lily laughed, "Spoken like a fox who should have been right at home in the hen house."

Anders squeezed her tight against him, and kissed her neck.  "After awhile, everything tastes like chicken."

"I'd imagine so."

"Are you telling me... _never_?  Not even with the Templar?"

"Nope."

"Color me shocked!  I should have stayed in Kinloch longer."

Lily laughed and turned around to face him.  "It feels like someone else's life... _back then_."

"Me too," Anders whispered as he pressed his lips to hers.  "And, what do you think about it now?"

"I consider it to be cruel, to tie someone down to my short, chaotic life."

"We carry the same sentence, do we not?"

Lily frowned.  "I'm sorry for that."

"I'm not.  I'd pay any toll that brought me to you."

Lily drew her lips upon his and melted into his embrace.  "You can't keep saying things like that," she said weakly, as their lips parted.

"Why not?"

"Because, I might end up wanting to marry _you_ , then where would you be?"

 _Mission accomplished._  "In a dream come true."

"See, just like that.  You play _dirty_ , mage."

"Is there another way?"  Anders smirked, most pleased with himself.

"You had better take me to my tent before all these unsuspecting people unwillingly learn about the _other_ thing Grey Wardens excel at."

"Is _that_ what it is?  Well, as far as perks go, it's definitely a good one."  Anders mockingly growled and snapped at her neck.

*******

After the Vigil's Keep soldiers, Garavel, and Mhairi split off the next morning, Lily returned to riding in the carriage with Wynne and Teagan.  She had hoped to get some sleep, since she and Anders had stayed up all night making love, but all Teagan wanted to do was talk. And, the subject he seemed most interested in, was Anders.

"Is it true he was an escaped apostate sentenced to be made tranquil?"  Teagan asked bluntly.

"He has not been tried for anything.  He's harmless, a healer even. He just doesn't like cages.  Few mages do." Lily yawned and rested her head against the side of the carriage.

"The life of a Grey Warden must seem a blessing, compared to _other_ things."

Lily wanted to punch him in the mouth.  She lifted her head and glared at him. "I suppose it would, to someone who isn't a mage, or a Grey Warden."

Wynne unexpectedly laughed, and Teagan joined in, pretending the joke wasn't at his expense.  Teagan then continued on his fishing expedition, "I heard that he was discovered amongst the freshly expired bodies of several Templars."

"Yes, but he was still locked in his cell," Lily lied.  "The Templars were killed by the darkspawn and demons that overran the keep."

"Locked in a cell, yet he was still able to kill the abominations the Templars could not?  Surely then, he could have killed the Templars as well." Teagan picked up a tray from the empty portion of the seat beside him, and put it forward to his guests.  

Wynne took a stem of grapes, and nodded her appreciation.

Lily shook her head in silent decline.  Just thinking of food made her nauseous.  "He has never resisted capture. He knows he can just escape again."

"Not if he were made Tranquil, which I'm assured was the sentence that awaited him."

"You should eat some of the biscuits, Lily," Wynne whispered.

Again, Lily shook her head, waving off Wynne's concern, trying to focus on the Bann.  "Tranquility simply for escaping? Not exactly a justifiable sentence. Besides, it hardly matters now.  He's been conscripted."

"That doesn't make him immune to prosecution of crimes committed _after_ becoming a Grey Warden."

 _Did he just threaten Anders?  But, why? Teagan is already getting what he wants...isn't he?_  "Anders has committed no crimes, before or after."

"Besides healing magic, he uses lightning, correct?"

 _He knows Anders killed the Knight-Commander._  "So do a lot of mages, including myself. What are you getting at, Bann Teagan?"

"It's just...you seem _close_.  Perhaps, close enough to confess to his crimes, I cannot say.  While the King may be satisfied enough to look away, the Chantry will not.  They may even send a recruit to infiltrate the Wardens in order to find, and capture him.  My suggestion is simply this...if you truly care for him, then once this is over, you and the apostate should become _impossible_ to find."

 _He's not threatening me, he's warning me._  Lily's demeanor softened. "Thank you for the advice.  I will take it under thoughtful consideration."

"There is something else you should know."

_Great.  I can't wait._

"This may not be solved by simply killing Anora.  She now claims to carry the Theirin heir."

 _That bitch!_  "Seems a rather convenient shield."

"Perhaps, but if there is even a chance, we must let the child be born."

"If it's true, she carries an abomination born out of blood magic."   _Just like Morrigan._ Lily carried the _true_ Theirin heir, conceived in love, and with no help from demons; but, Lily was torn about revealing it, even to thwart Anora.  The image of Anora laying naked with Alistair flashed in her mind. _I don't care. I don't care. I don't care._ Lily felt the familiar queasiness rise up from her belly, and she flung open the carriage door, hopping out.  She immediately began heaving, just as before.

The entire procession halted.  Anders rode up next to her and jumped from his horse.  "Are you alright?" Lily continued to dry heave, since nothing was in her stomach.  Anders put his arms around her and pulled her hair back, away from her face. He placed his palm over her stomach, and as it began to glow, her violent spasms ceased.

Wynne stepped from the carriage, and knelt beside Lily, taking hold of her hand.  The elder mage lifted Lily's chin and made her look her in the eyes. "I don't think you should ride in the carriage anymore.  It's making you sick," Wynne said pointedly. Wynne leaned in close to Lily, and whispered, "You cannot tell him what you do not want the world to know."

Understanding Wynne's message, Lily nodded.  Anders lifted her onto his horse, and climbed on behind her.  He untied the waterskin and handed it to her. "Small sips, just like before."  She rested her head against his chest, and closed her eyes.

Teagan stuck his head out of the carriage door.  "Is the Warden alright?"

"She's fine, just a little sick from riding in the carriage," Wynne assured the Bann as she joined him inside.

Lily finally spoke, as they joined Zevran at the rear of the caravan.  "You know how we always think things couldn't possibly get more complicated, and then they do?"  

"Are you kidding?  It's my favorite thing about us!"  Anders teased.

Lily laughed weakly and felt the warmth from Anders palm on her belly, through her clothes.  She realized he was still healing her, keeping her nausea at bay. Anders was in such a good mood, despite how exhausted he surely was, Lily _really_ didn't want to tell him what Teagan had disclosed.  This thought brought her to another realization - although her own intentions toward Anora hadn't been swayed, Anders would _never_ let Lily kill her if he thought Anora was with child. She also didn't want to reignite his fear of the Chantry.  Lily sunk into his hold and closed her eyes again. "We can speak of it later. I just want to rest for a bit."

Anders kissed the top of her head.  "Later then," he obliged.


	35. Thirty-Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alistair finds an unexpected ally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was added to (at the very end) after the original posting.

Anora slapped Alistair across the face to stir him, although she did it much harder than necessary.  She'd have smiled while doing it if she hadn't just stepped over her friend's dead body to accomplish it.   _Now I will be forced to find another blood mage!_

As soon as his eyes opened, Alistair was faced with a seething Anora, screaming in his face.  " _What have you done?!_ "

Alistair blinked rapidly, and pushed the hysterical woman off of him.  He quickly looked around, trying to take in his surroundings. He saw Isolde, lying on the floor in a pool of blood.  His sword, bloodied and next to her. Anora and several Templars, staring him down. He tried to think of the last thing he could remember, but it was like looking at a painting floating beneath the surface of water.  Distorted and obscured, before it quickly sank into darkness below. "I, I do not know."

"He has murdered the Arlessa!  Take him into custody!" Anora ordered.  

Cullen and another Templar took hold of the King, who provided no resistance.  Cullen noticed that not only did Alistair appear pale and gauntly, disoriented and disheveled, the King didn't seem to recognize him.  Cullen thought it odd for a man who had, less than nine months ago, spoken directly to him concerning their once shared interest.

As the Queen led them to the dungeons below the palace, Cullen thought about that last conversation he had with Alistair, and Lily.  It was just after she defeated Uldred and freed the Circle tower, and him as well.

 

_"When you knew me, I was an innocent.  I wanted to be a knight, but I never really thought about why we were needed.  Now, my eyes have been opened," Cullen said in a resentful sneer. "The naivete I once had is gone forever!  But, I welcome the change, as long as it helps me to better serve the Chantry."_

_"But, I'm a mage," Lily angrily protested Cullen's hateful words.  "We are people, we deserve to live too!"_

_"Silence!  I am beyond caring what you think!  Yes, you are a mage, and I, a Templar!  It is my duty to oppose you, and all that you are!  The Maker knows my sin and I pray that he will forgive me!"  Cullen cruelly shouted at Lily._

_"Your sin?  But, I, I thought...you said you loved me," Lily turned and ran from the tower in tears._

_Alistair stuck his finger in Cullen's face.  "How dare you say such things to her? She just saved your life!  She saves more lives everyday than any of you boot-licking, meat-shields ever will!"  Alistair raged at Cullen. "You are a fool, and I wish she had ordered us to kill you, just as you asked!  The upside is, you opened her eyes too, and she'll have no problem getting over you. You're a ghost, a bad dream she won't even remember tomorrow."_

_"Be my guest, Grey Warden.  Have the mage, if you want her.  I couldn't care less."_

_Alistair stood nose to nose with Cullen, barely restraining the urge he felt to punch the Templar in the throat.  "Her name is Lily, and my name is Alistair. Even the Maker knows you don't deserve her. You never did, and you never will."_

 

Cullen knew he had been too angry and traumatized to see the truth in Alistair's words then; and for months, was plagued by conjured images of the new lovers, of Alistair in _his_ place.  He drove the thoughts away through his work, and focused all his energies there. Only to end up back here. _What does the Maker want me to see? To do? Am I to be tested again?_

Once they shoved Alistair into a cell, he fell to the ground, unable to stand on his own.  Cullen thought the King appeared malnourished, he certainly wasn't the fit former Templar and Grey Warden swordsman he had seen before, and a scraggly beard had grown over his face.   _The man can't even stand, much less kill someone,_ Cullen realized.

"Your Majesty, perhaps we should give him some food and water before we interrogate him.  He appears delirious from lack of nourishment," Cullen suggested. "It would be difficult to understand, much less trust something he spoke to us in this state."

"See it done, then.  Inform me when he is ready to be questioned, I want to be here, Templar."  Anora started toward the door, "The rest of you, come with me. We have a mess to clean up."

Cullen ventured back upstairs, taking aside the first elf he saw and asking for bread and water to be brought to him in the dungeons.  When he returned, Alistair was still lying on the floor in the cell, but now mumbling incoherently. Cullen got on his knees and put his face to the bars.  "Alistair, can you hear me?"

"Whoever you are, go away!"

_Whoever I am?_  "Alistair, do you not remember me?  It is Cullen, the Templar from Kinloch Circle."

"No, I've never been to the Circle."

_What?_  "Sure you have, don't you recall?  You and Lily saved the Circle, and me."

"Lily!"

"Good, so you at least remember her."

"I met her in a dungeon, somewhere, just like this one.  They said she was a fugitive, but I knew I loved her. And, then she was gone, and everything was black, until now.  Do you know where she is?"

"No, honestly, I was hoping you could help me find her," Cullen whispered as an elf entered the cellar and handed the requested parcel to him.  He thanked the servant, and nodded for her dismissal. "However, it sounds like your memory is fractured, and unreliable, at best."

Alistair pushed himself into an upright position against the wall.  "You're not going to hurt her are you?"

"Of course, not.  I loved her too, once.  You don't remember that either?"  Cullen handed him the bread and water.

"My memories are fuzzy right now.  I know I'm the King, and that's about it.  I recall something about a spell, Lily in a dungeon, and...Denerim?"  Alistair drank almost the entire pitcher of water, then tore half of the bread loaf off in his mouth.

"That is where we are.  The Royal Palace. Although, your Queen is pretty much in charge now."

"My, what?"

"You don't know that you are married to Anora?"

Alistair almost choked on his mouthful of bread, and guzzled the last of the water to coax it down.  "Me? Married to that, that _beast_?! Maker, tell me it isn't so!" Alistair narrowed his eyes and tried to focus on the glimpse of the memory that dangled in his mind.  He recalled the reception hall, the gaggle of nobles surrounding Anora, Teagan... _the consummation_. He remembered Anora and Isolde in the bedroom, and then the memory went dark.   _They did something to me. Is that why I killed Isolde?_

"I'm afraid it is so.  I don't know if you killed the Arlessa or not, but I have a feeling you're about to lose your crown, along with your head."

"You have to get me out of here, and take me with you to find Lily,"  Alistair pleaded with Cullen.

"Because, you disappearing at the same time of my departure wouldn't at all look suspicious?"  Cullen chided.

"What if I'm gone before you leave?  Just unlock the cell, I can get out on my own."

"Not in this condition you can't.  Besides, the castle is swarming with guards, and Anora has the key."

"So, what am I to do?  Sit here and await whatever fate _that witch_ decides for me?"

"I'm unsure what can be done at this juncture," Cullen admitted.

"You say you know me, are we friends?"  Alistair said, after a few moments of reflective silence.

"Not exactly.  More like acquaintances."

"You said you _used_ to love Lily, but not anymore?"

"It's, uh, rather complicated, and not something I wish to discuss.  You can trust that I bear neither of you any ill will, and will do whatever I can to help put things right.  I am not swayed from the Maker by gold or power."

"Then, I hope you find Lily before Anora decides she has no more patience or use for me.  Wait, why are you trying to find her?"

"It's at the Queen's behest."

"Then, you _are_ going to hurt her!"  Alistair tried to stand.

"Calm yourself, I only accept the mission to prevent Anora from giving it to someone else...someone who will do what she commands, regardless of the righteousness."

Alistair raised his brow.  "What exactly did she command?"

"Anora wants the Warden dead.  No capture, no trial, no sentence, just straight to the execution.  Honestly, Alistair, she's going to a lot of trouble for Lily, when she really doesn't need to.  Like it is personal, and just between the two of them, regardless of who is caught in the middle.  She sought me out because of my relationship with Lily, and is offering a limitless reward. If you weren't the one to tell her, then we must discover who did."  Cullen paced in front of Alistair's cell. "She kept saying she was informed by my 'Commander,' yet she never said his name, or referred to him with the proper title.

"She wanted you to be worried enough to admit to something you didn't want to."

"Who else have you come in contact with recently, at least, as far as you can recall?"

"There was someone else in the dungeon with Lily and I.  A mage I think. I can't remember his name, but Lily knew him from her time in the Circle.  Joran? Jerran?"

"Jowan?"

"That's it."

"Maker's breath.  He's the blood mage that poisoned Eamon.  That means you were in Redcliffe dungeon. Do you know how you ended up there?"

"No, but the mage, um, Jowan, apologized profusely to Lily and I both.  He said he wanted to 'undo it,' but that he didn't know how. Then, Teagan was there threatening all of us.  Something about Amaranthine."

"Bann Teagan is involved.  That is not good. You sincerely don't recall what happened with the Arlessa?"

"No.  The last memory I have is of Anora, Isolde and I in the bedroom after the wedding.  The very next recollection is Anora slapping the sense out of me upstairs. As if I took a nap between the two.  How much time is actually between them?"

"Since the wedding?  About three, maybe four weeks, I believe."

"I guess that explains why I feel like garbage a mabari hacked up, ate, and yakked up again."

"You look terrible," Cullen said bluntly, and they both laughed.  "I'll go see about getting you some more food and water."

"Bring ale this time.  And meat. And cheese. Lots of cheese!"  Alistair called after him.

When Cullen returned from the kitchen, the guard lay on the floor in a pool of blood, and the King was gone. 


	36. Thirty-Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Why can't we arrive anywhere and have things just be normal?" Ahh...good 'ol Redcliffe. You never disappoint. Or, you always do. Whichever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was added to after the original posting. The bullet sections are what was added. I apologize for changing after original posting, but the thing I was trying to do just wasn't working.

When the Bann's procession entered Redcliffe, the people gathered close to the road and cheered the return of their noble lord.  So far, things seemed normal, which was a relief to Lily; although the repugnant display of ignorant, willful subservience revolted her.  Her days of doing the bidding of self-entitled, short-sighted nobles was over, of _that_ she was certain.

Before the blight, Lily hadn't thought much about nobility.  She was a mage, resigned to her fate in the Circle, after all.  She would never hold a title, own property, or ever be allowed off the tower grounds.  It was just as Anders said. Love, marriage, children, freedom...these were not things a mage could aspire to under the Chantry's thumb.  At least, that's how it was _supposed_ to be. Now, she had all of these things she never prepared for, and more. However, almost everything came with strings attached, and some strings refused to be cut.  Lily pulled her hood over her head, as did Anders and Zevran.

"Are you alright, love?"  Anders asked, as he scooted her closer, and tightened his grip around her.  The sea of faces suddenly surrounding them made him nervous, and he wished she were still in the carriage.  The look on Zevran's face told Anders the elf felt the same way.

"As long as you hold me, I am."  Lily didn't know what it was about him, but the closer she was to Anders, the closer still she wanted to be.  She could hardly think of anything else, their intimate moments constantly replaying in her mind. She reached her hand to the back of his neck and placed a lingering kiss under his chin.

Anders smiled, and returned her kiss to her lips.  For him, it was easy to forget everything else when Lily was near.  Nothing else mattered. As he started to lift his head with their lips parting, Anders heard a _whoosh_ sound, and felt something breeze by his face.  

Zevran yelled, and jerked backwards, dropping the reins of his horse as an arrow pierced his shoulder.  Zevran quickly grabbed the horse's mane with his other hand and righted himself, as he goaded his mount into a run with a kick in its side.  Zevran sped around the procession, toward the castle gate, and Anders pulled out of formation to follow.

"Put your head down!"  Anders told Lily, and she lay forward, flush against the horse, her arms tight around its neck.  A subsequently loosed arrow penetrated Anders' left shoulder, "Agh!" he cried out.

"Anders!"  Lily screamed.

"Stay down!"  Anders bent forward, forcing her back down against the horse, and covering her body with his.  Another arrow struck him in the upper back, between his shoulders, and a third lodged in his outer thigh.  "Yah!" He yelled to the steed, and it increased its pace, speeding them through the gates.

Zevran strode his horse up the courtyard steps and straight into the castle entry, before dismounting in a jump and breaking off the arrow protruding from his shoulder.  As soon as Anders was inside, Zevran shut the castle doors behind them and helped him down from his mount. The elven assassin immediately noticed the complete lack of guardsmen, and feared they had been driven through a gauntlet, only to lead them directly into an ambush.

Unable to put pressure on his right leg, Anders slumped to the floor.  Lily took up position behind him and, without warning, pulled the arrow from Anders back.  Anders yelped out as the pain ripped through him, and Lily put one hand on his cheek and the other on his wound.  He kissed the inside of her palm as he felt the tingling of her faint, but adequate, healing magic. Still only concerned for her, Anders asked, "You're not hit, are you?"  

Tears involuntarily slid down her cheek, as Lily's engulfing panic began its retreat.  "No," she said shakily.

Anders let out another cry as he pulled the arrow from his shoulder, and stuck his palm over it.  "Don't worry," he said gently. "Other than temporarily feeling like a tailor's pin cushion, I'm fine."  

"Someone was expecting us," Zevran suggested.

"Yes, but who?   _We_ didn't even know we were coming here," Anders pointed out.

"Perhaps, we are not the targets, but obstacles," Zevran intimated.

Lily bolted from Anders' side and out of the castle doors, back into the courtyard.

Too late to catch her, Anders turned and screamed, "Lily!  No!" Zevran flew after her, and as Anders turned back around, he witnessed himself being surrounded by Templars. No mistaking it now, Anders _was_ the target.

As soon as Lily entered the courtyard, the gate dropped, locking out Wynne, Teagan, and his soldiers, as Templars filled the courtyard. _Shit! Anders!_ Lily turned back toward the door to see the Templars already taking him into custody.

"Stand down, Warden-Commander!"  A voice bellowed to her from the bottom of the steps.  "All we want is the apostate!"

"He is not an apostate!  He is a Grey Warden!" Lily protested.  "He has been conscripted!"

"Do not force me to take you into custody as well, Warden-Commander!  It's not my goal, but I will not hesitate to do so!"

Lily turned to Zevran, who was hunched over, his left side drenched in blood.   _There's no fighting our way out of this right now_. However, she wasn't willing to just give him up, either.  "Well, you can't have him."

"I beg your pardon?"  The Templar was clearly not used to being told 'no.'

"You heard me.  He belongs to the Grey Wardens.  You can bring your charges up with them, but _you can't have him_."

The Templar seemingly in charge turned to look at his many brothers beside him, and laughed.  "You hear that, men? The _little girl mage_ says _we can't have him_." The soldiers joined him in laughing ridicule.

Zevran drew his blade with his right hand, but Lily shook her head to deter him.  Lily _might_ be able to escape, but Anders and Zevran were both wounded, and would certainly be killed.  "Anders didn't do anything," she shouted. " _I_ killed the Knight-Commander. There is your _public_ confession."

" _Lily, No!  What are you doing?!_ "  Anders wailed from the entryway behind her.

The Templars dragged Lily through the familiar cellars below Redcliffe castle.  She was not surprised, and a bit relieved, to find Jowan, Oghren, and Justice already occupying the three cells on the left.  

"Commander.  'Bout time you joined the party," Oghren grumpily groused, having not had a drop of ale in over a week.

"Home sweet home," she quipped.  The Templars put her in the middle cell on the right, and promptly departed the dungeon.  "So, who wants to tell me what happened?"

*******

Before her question could be answered, Lily noticed Jowan, who was a motionless lump in the floor of his cell.  "Jowan?"

"He is dying, Commander," Justice informed her.  "His wound is infected, I can smell it from here."

"Aye," Oghren added.  "The Templars won't treat the wound.  Said the Maker would seek his own justice on the blood mage - ' _for Lily_ ,' which makes no sense.  Why would killing your Warden be for you?"

"He doesn't mean me.  This Templar must be related to the Chantry initiate Jowan seduced in the Circle.  Her name is also Lily."

"Can you heal him from there?"  Oghren asked. He actually liked this mage better than the blonde one.

Lily pointed to the ceiling, "Runes.  I can't cast."

"That is unfortunate," Justice appropriately stated.

"What about Connor?  And, Eamon?"

"They emerged from the Fade unharmed," Justice answered.  "Where they are now, we do not know."

"The Fade?"

"The mage said the boy has the power of dreams.  They could enter the fade and find his father through his dream, and return him here, with them."

"They went into the Fade _physically_?!"

"Indeed," Justice grumbled disapprovingly.  "Evidently, a man intent on killing the boy's father, attacked them when they emerged into the physical at the father's location.  When they reappeared here, the assassin was with them. We attacked him, but he got away. The Templars arrived a short time after, and the boy and his father fled."

"Fort...Connor," Jowan desperately informed them, aware he drew his last breaths.

"Hang on, Jowan!  I'll get you out of here!"  Lily pleaded with him.

"I'm...sorry...Lily.  For...everything. Please...take care...of Connor."

"Jowan!"

Justice bowed his head, "I'm sorry.  He is gone, Commander."

Lily sunk to the floor of her cell.  She softly cried tears of frustration and unfair loss.   _He shouldn't have died like this!_

A short time later, Zevran was brought in and placed in the first cell on the right, next to Lily.  His wound was dressed, and he was missing his shirt, but the secret smirk and glowing hatred in his eyes let Lily know he was otherwise not further harmed.  "I was just thinking to myself recently, I had not yet seen enough of Redcliffe's dungeon, and should endeavor to remedy that."

Lily barely smiled, "I'm glad you're alright.  Did you see Anders?"

"After they refused to bandage him, the shiny boot in charge took him."

 _Shit_.  She was certain that, like a fool, Anders would try to nullify her confession.  If the pointy-sword-in-charge believed Anders over Lily, there'd be no title, nobles, or King to protect him.

When they brought Anders in, the arrogant Templar that spoke to Lily in the courtyard accompanied them.  They tossed Anders into the last cell and he hit the floor hard.

"Hey!  There's no cause for that!"  Lily protested loudly.

"I disagree," said the Templar, as he nodded toward her cell, indicating for the other two Templars to retrieve her.  "Given the circumstances, I believe we are incredibly lenient, and you should be grateful." He unlocked her cell, and the two soldiers aggressively grabbed Lily.

Oghren grumbled, as he, Justice, and Zevran, came to stand at the front of their cells, making known their displeasure.  As each stared down the Templars, they drug Lily from her cell less enthusiastically than they had grabbed her before.

Anders spoke in a low growl, "You hurt her, Denam, and I'll kill you. _I'll kill every single one of you_."

Denam scoffed.  "I'm hardly concerned, apostate."

*******

Lily was hauled into the library and flung into a chair.  The two man-handling Templars stood behind her, and the asshole giving the orders sat on the other side of the desk in front of her.  Lily glared at him. _You killed Jowan._

"Do you know who I am?"

Lily genuinely laughed.  "No, why would I?" She continued to mock him.  "I'm the Hero of Ferelden, and Warden-Commander.  You are a _Templar_. You have no command over me. I only don't fight you because you're not worth it, and you pose no threat to me."

His face twisted in rage as he rose and slammed his fist on the desk.  "I am Knight-Lieutenant Denam of the Templar Order, and you will respect the authority of the Chantry, _mage_!"

Lily smiled, extremely satisfied she was able to trigger him so quickly and easily.  "Hit me. I dare you."

Denam sat back down in his chair.  "Leave us," he dismissed the other Templars from the Library.  His eyes sparked for a moment when he saw this made the mage uncomfortable.  He let her worry for a few seconds more before beginning again. "Nothing to say without an audience?"

"You killed Jowan."

"So the blood mage is finally dead.  Good.  Do you have siblings, Warden?"

"Warden- _Commander_ ," she corrected him.  "I have four."

"How fortunate for you.  I only had the one, a younger sister, sharing your name, as well as your acquaintances."

"I get it.  You're Lily's brother, the initiate Jowan seduced in Kinloch Circle."

"Yes, well, he wasn't the only one seducing the Marker's faithful, was he?"

Lily gave him no response to evaluate.

"Do you know what happened to that initiate?  To my little sister?"

"No.  But, I stood up for her, and asked them to go easy on her.  Jowan fooled _all_ of us."

Denam appeared surprised by the information.  "And, yet you still trusted him enough to save him from a most deserved execution and make him a Grey Warden?"

"He wanted to atone.  Who am I to stand in the way of another man's path to redemption?  It certainly makes him better than those who refuse to see their missteps, and make no attempt to right their wrongs."

"They didn't...go _easy_ on her," he said, a subtle curl set on his lips.  "She hung herself in her cell, fourteen days after arriving at the White Spire."

"And, instead of the Templars, you blame Jowan."

"He is the only reason she was there!" Denam fiercely argued.

"There is nothing you're going to say to me that will convince me your treatment of him is justified, so get to the point.  I'm bored."

"Or, ready to return to your apostate lover?"

Again, Lily gave no response.

"It's alright, you don't have to admit it.  Why else would a man sacrifice himself for a woman?  I wonder, though, what makes _you_ worth it."

 _Dammit, Anders_.  As she had suspected, Anders had made his bargain.  However, Lily hoped she could portray enough aggression, or doubt, to make Denam rethink his course.  She loudly laughed. "You don't seriously think a healer managed to vanquish half a dozen Templars _and_ the Knight-Commander, do you?  I mean, tell me you're not that stupid, or this has just been a complete waste of my time."

Denam stood and walked around the desk to stand in front her.  He abruptly kicked the seat of her chair, causing it to tumble backwards, and slam her head into the floor, disorienting her.  He leaned over Lily, and snarled his next words. "The only time being wasted here, is _mine_." Denam drew his sword and put it to her neck.  "You say the apostate is a liar. And, yet, all that keeps me from slitting your throat right this instant is that he says you carry the heir of Ferelden in your belly.  The King's ire I would not draw. So, tell me, _which_ of you is the liar?"

Lily knew if she admitted the truth, Anders would be executed before she was even returned to the dungeon.  If she lied, Denam would attempt to execute her here, starting a Templar versus Warden melee that she didn't want.

Suddenly, Teagan burst through the Library doors.  "Sheathe your blade, Templar!  Don't you know who this woman is?!"

Lily smiled, as her eyes told the Knight-Lieutenant, _"Fuck you."_

 


	37. Thirty-Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily is forced to make a deal she already regrets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The previous two chapters were added to after the original posting. For this chapter to make sense, you will need to reread those two, if you missed the update on 3-12-19. (Only one line was added to end of 35, and 2 bulleted sections in 36.) I sincerely apologize for doing that, it was entirely unintentional. The direction I thought I was going just wasn't working out.

"I'm sorry, Lily.  After what you did in the courtyard, I had no choice but to tell him," Wynne said, referring to Teagan, and Lily's 'little secret.'

Lily glanced toward Teagan and Denam, still arguing in the center of the Library.  "It's alright. He was bound to find out eventually. You know how nosey nobles are.  Besides, Anders told the Templar prick anyway."

"He was just trying to save your life."

"I know.  It just made me trying to save his more difficult, though."

"I seem to recall having had this conversation before.  Love and duty make volatile companions."

"Yeah, well, I gotta do something between blights."

Teagan walked toward them, as Denam stormed from the Library.  "He will agree to depart here without the apostate on one condition.  You must name Jowan as the murderer of the Knight-Commander, strip him of his Grey Warden title, and allow the Templars to take the body."

_Clever.  Revenge and a cover-up, all rolled up into one._  "Jowan earned that title," she insisted. "It's not like we do a little dance and then we're in.  To be a Grey Warden, you pay the ultimate price, whether you pass the Joining or not," Lily argued.  "And, you know they won't bury him properly!"

"It's up to you, Warden-Commander, but Denam is tasked by the new Knight-Commander to find the former's murderer and bring him, or her, to justice.  He knows you and Anders, or both, committed the crime, but he is willing to accept this exchange. I sincerely believe you should consider it. Jowan is already dead.  You and the apostate can live in peace with this matter settled."

Lily looked to Wynne.  "I agree with the Bann.  You should take the exchange," the elder mage solemnly offered.

"It's not right!  It was fucking self-defense!  And, Jowan wasn't even there!"

"Sometimes what's right, meets what must to be done, and rarely do they become friends," Wynne wisely counseled.

"Especially, if what Wynne tells me of your condition is true, I _beg_ you to take this most gracious deal.  Alistair would too," Teagan pleaded.

Lily nodded her head, as every other part of her silently revolted, forever shamed for yet another, and final betrayal of Jowan.   _I'll never forgive myself for this, or Denam._

The Warden-Commander angrily signed the papers Knight-Lieutenant Denam had laid out on the desk, naming Jowan as the murderer of the Knight-Commander, and posthumously stripping him of his Grey Warden title and affiliation.  Denam gloated, beaming an arrogant grin as he hovered over her. Lily met his stare as she finished the last parchment, and she knew right then that the agreement was meaningless. The bastard had no intention of honoring it, the burning resentment in his eyes told her this was far from over.  His face was covered in a self-satisfied smirk, as Denam rolled up the documents and marched out of the library without a word.

She didn't want to be around when they hauled Jowan's body from the dungeon, so Lily set out toward the kitchen.  She peeked into the main hall as she came near, seeing Wynne healing Anders. Justice stood over them, as Oghren and Zevran seemed to be aiming to empty the castle of ale and food in the adjacent dining hall.  

Lily kept walking, although, now more aimlessly than toward any actual destination.  Jowan's death meant something else, something causing her more tension than relief. _Alistair has his memory back._  He would remember everything they professed in Amaranthine, and be confused as to why she changed her mind. Lily kept trying to think of ways to explain it to him, in her head, but none of them sounded any better than an uninspired excuse.  She had wanted him to fight for her, and now she won't fight for him, that's what he'd see.

She found herself in the guestroom she had occupied before they departed for the Landsmeet, during the Fifth Blight.  It was the last night she spent with Alistair, before everything changed. The night ended with a fight, and them sleeping back to back.  As if the scene was recreated before her, Lily saw them lying there, holding each other after they had made love. She asked something she shouldn't have.

_"Alistair?"_

_"Yes, my love?"_

_"I know you said you don't want to be King, but what if you are forced to?  Will it come between us?"_

_Alistair was quiet for a few moments, then let out a heavy sigh.  "I wish I could say that it wouldn't, but I can't. I'm sorry."_

_Lily sat up in bed and glared angrily at him, disbelieving of the words she had just heard him say.  "Excuse me?!"_

_"If I am forced to be King, I will be expected to marry and produce an heir.  The nobles will never accept a mage Queen and heir."_

_"So, what am I?  The practice run?!"_

_"Of course, not!  Maker -" Alistair sat up, flustered.  "My feelings for you wouldn't change! That's not what I'm saying.  I'm just saying...I would be required to marry a noble with no magic in their bloodline.  But, I would never stop loving you, or wanting to be with you." Alistair reached for her hand, but she pulled away._

_Lily started to laugh, and not like she thought he was funny, but like a fool should.  Fully, and terrifyingly. "Let me get this straight. If you're made King, you want me to be okay with you marrying and sleeping with someone else?  Is that really what you're telling me?" I knew I should have romanced the elf, Lily thought._

_"What would you have me do?  Defy the nobles and ensure the civil war continues?"_

_She had no answer she could give him, other than she'd rather let him go than share him.  Although his crowning wasn't a certainty, it was certainly a possibility. "That you would put duty before us, is all I needed to know."_

_"Lily, we are Grey Wardens.  We are already required to do so."_

_"That's different."_

_"How?"_

_"Because, it doesn't ask me to be okay with you sleeping with someone else!"_

Little did she know then, that is _exactly_ what would be asked.  She would come to do what Alistair couldn't, or wouldn't, and put him before duty, her conscience, and everything else.  But, that had all changed in Amaranthine. He was willing to fight, and he would be again.

There was also still the problem of Isolde's enchantment.  Hopefully, now with the book, Anders and Wynne could decipher how to undo it.  She supposed next Teagan would send them to Fort Connor to fetch Arl Eamon and Connor.  She would agree only because she felt she owed it to Jowan to make sure Connor is safe. There was no question now, the boy would would have to be sent to the Circle.  Dreamers are too powerful, and too easily corrupted.

Anders knocked on the open door, returning her from the far off place she lingered, deep in thought and regrets.  Lily looked up at him. She wanted to yell at him, tell him what a fool he was. And, he would say the same thing to her.  They were both fools, everyone in love is. She walked over to the doorway and slid her arms around his waist, and laid her head on his chest, embracing him.  He closed his arms around her, and clenched her tight in his hold.

"I'm sorry for what you had to do," Anders spoke.

"For everyone else besides me, it was meaningless.  Denam knows we did it, and he wants our heads, too."

"Me, I understand.  But, why you?"

Lily smiled wickedly, she still felt a thrill just thinking about it, and she couldn't help but to chuckle.  "I _may_ have _accidentally_  pushed some male-insecurity buttons."

She braced herself for the incoming lecture, but Anders just smiled and said, "That's my girl."

"Fuck the Templars," Lily whispered, and kissed him.


	38. Thirty-Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen is sent to Redcliffe, and gets unexpected help.

Deciding it was the most likely place the King would seek sanctuary, Anora sent Cullen directly to Redcliffe, and he was thankful for this.  With the Arlessa dead, and her suspect vanished, the Queen's mood had turned quite foul. Cullen believed the best thing he could do was to return to his post and refuse to be further involved in her scheme, demotion or not.  But, he didn't want to. He wanted to see Lily again. And, he wanted to protect her. He owed her that much.

As he reached for his journal, tucked inside his pack by the fire, Cullen felt the cold metal of a blade against the side of his neck.  Bandits were too loud and stupid to sneak up on him, so he knew this was someone else. Cullen put his hands up, and returned to face forward toward the fire.

A woman spoke in an Orlesian accent.  "What's your business here, Templar?" 

He definitely recognized the voice, though he couldn't place a name or face to it.  "I am on the Queen's business," Cullen answered.

"What is a _Templar_ doing running the errands of the Queen?  Do you hunt a mage?"

"Yes, and no."  Cullen felt the blade press harder against his skin.  "By that, I mean, it is the task I was assigned, but not one I intend to carry out."  He heard heavier, loud footsteps behind him. 

"Come on, Leliana.  I told you we could trust him," Alistair insisted.

Leliana sheathed her dagger.  "Just making sure."

Cullen put his arms down and turned to face them.  "I'm glad you're safe," he said to Alistair.

"Yes, well, it helps to have a lock-picking friend watching your back."

"It's good to see you again," Cullen nodded to Leliana before turning back to Alistair.  "You seem different."

"I have my memory back."  Alistair removed the letters tucked inside his coat, and handed them to Cullen.  "I think I know what happened. I found these stuffed in my overcoat."

Cullen read through the first letter, addressed to Teagan.  "Isolde was using blood magic to control you, on Anora's orders?  This is something that happens in Tevinter, not here!" Cullen folded the letter and handed all three of them back to Alistair.

"That's what I thought.  I don't have any memory between the wedding," Alistair paused to shudder, "and waking up Isolde's room, but I think it's safe to judge by these letters that Isolde killed herself to release me."

"What do you plan to do now?  I'm not sure how much sway these letters will give you, with the nobles held firmly is Anora's hand.  She's already branded you the murderer. It's no great leap to convince them you conjured these yourself," Cullen questioned.

"Well, Teagan is also compromised.  He made the deal with the Amaranthine nobles, backing Anora for Lily's head."

"He did _what_?!  We need to find her, Alistair!  Right now!"

"There is a place close to here, no one knows about it but Lily and I, and a couple others.  It's a safe place. I think that's where she would go, if she could go nowhere else."

"Soldier's Peak!  Of course!" Leliana announced excitedly.

"So, we find Lily, and _then_ _what_?  We ask her to come out of hiding and put her life at risk to secure _your_ throne, _again_?"  Cullen glared at Alistair, utterly annoyed with the boy King.

Alistair knew Cullen's insult was justified, and centered in his concern for Lily.  "No. You're going to Soldier's Peak to find Lily and make sure she stays away from Denerim.  I'm going to Redcliffe to get Teagan and Eamon, and go back to Denerim."

"But, Eamon is dead," Cullen informed him.

"What?!  When?!"

"Anora says Lily killed him, and then she tried to kill you and Anora."

"That's ridiculous!  Do you even know what we went through to save that man's life?  There is no way Lily would harm him, or me. Anora, though..." Alistair let his trail of thought go, they all knew Lily would kill Anora on sight. _I told her it was a mistake to let Anora live._ "No, I think Anora found out about the plan Lily and I had, and she set her up. Enchanted, I would have told Anora anything she asked."  Alistair grumbled and sighed.

"There is an oddity, though.  I overheard, there is no body," Cullen offered.  "Anora claims the Arl is dead, but neither his brother, nor his wife were allowed to see proof."

"Perhaps, it is another ruse," Leliana suggested.

Cullen didn't think so.  "Or, the Arl got away and the Queen doesn't want to admit the loss of leverage.  She's probably telling the nobles right now that you're dead, too."

"Ugh, great," Alistair said sarcastically.  "If I told you killing the archdemon was the easiest part of the last six months, would you believe me?"

"I would," Leliana said.  

Something else occurred to Cullen.  "I don't think Lily is at Soldier's Peak.  I think she would have used Anora's plot to her advantage.  She would know Teagan would have to return to Redcliffe upon the Arl's death.  She'd likely ambush him on the road, before reaching the castle with the bulk of his soldiers.  At least, that's what I would do. Would she kill the Bann?"

"I don't believe so.  Noble blood makes a wicked mess.  She doesn't care for him, and he's actively worked against her, but he'd have to attack her for her to kill him.  And, I don't think Teagan is that stupid."

"Do you think that's what happened with the Knight-Commander?"

Alistair eyed Cullen sharply.  "Why? Would that change your opinion of her, or mages at all?"

Cullen wondered when this would come up.  "I recognize that, like normal men, no two mages are the same, nor do all deserve to pay for the crimes of a few.  However, I will turn no blind eye to their dangerous potential either."

"Then, _maybe_ Lily will tell you, when you ask her."

"You know, and you refuse to tell me?"

"Yes.  You can't decide if you're a Templar or a man.  Until you are one, the other, both, or neither, what's the point?  Besides, I don't tell other people's secrets, unless they are Morrigan's."

"Ugh, did you have to bring that witch up?" Leliana groused.  "Thank the Maker she left after the archdemon was slain."

"Yeah," Alistair said regretfully, remembering what Lily told him in Amaranthine. _The witch carries my child, and the child carries the archdemon._

*******

They were within two day's ride of Redcliffe when they set out the next morning, Cullen having decided to forego Soldier's Peak, and travel to Redcliffe with Leliana and Alistair. A couple of hours into the journey, they saw a small force coming toward them, recognizing them as Templars as their banners drew closer.

Since the Templars were traveling toward Denerim, Alistair deduced they likely weren't aware of the latest news out of the Royal Palace.  "Follow my lead," he whispered to Cullen, as the Templars halted their march, and one rode over to them.

Cullen shook his head.   _I don't think so._ He immediately recognized the man as one of the new Knight-Lieutenants, and a rather nasty one.  

"Ho there, Templar!  What business have you out here alone?"  Denam inquired.

Cullen glanced at Alistair, who nodded.  "I, uh, come on business of the Crown, Ser," Cullen answered.

Denam eyed him suspiciously.  "You look familiar. What is your name, Templar?"

"Cullen Rutherford, Ser."

Denam smiled.   _What a coincidence._  "And, who are your two companions?"

"I am Sister Leliana," she answered.

Alistair removed his hood.

"Your Highness!" Denam exclaimed, as he dismounted and knelt before the King.

"Do you come from Redcliffe, Templar?"  Alistair asked authoritatively.

"Yessir.  We collected the, uh, body of the blood mage responsible for the Knight-Commander's murder."

Panic took hold in Alistair.  "Let me see it," he demanded.

Of course, Your Majesty."  Denam got back on his horse and escorted the King to the wagon at the rear of the caravan.  

As the Templar began to lift the lid on the wooden coffin, Alistair felt as if his heart stopped mid-beat, and he held his breath, silently praying to the Maker that it wasn't her. And, it wasn't. "Jowan? You think _Jowan_ killed all of those Templars?"

"No, but I must take the word of the Warden-Commander, which I have here."  Denam handed the King the signed parchments.

Alistair read through the testimony and declarations. _It must have hurt her to do this_ , he thought. Alistair was glad to have his memory back, but this isn't the way he wanted it, and he doubted Lily did either.  He didn't want to cast any further doubt on her statements, so he decided to lie, too. "I knew that mage was bad news. He should have been executed long ago for what he did to Eamon."

"Indeed, Ser," Denam agreed.  "It seems the Warden-Commander has a soft spot for those that claim to want redemption, much like the dangerous apostate she keeps at her side now.  They must be _very_ _close_. Each claimed to have committed the crime, attempting to save the other." He could see the information caught the King off-guard, and Denam decided to push a bit farther.  As a _special_ favor to the Warden-Commander. "By the way, I hear congratulations are in order, Ser!" Denam slapped the King on the back.

Truly confused, Alistair absently responded, "I beg your pardon?"

Delighted his suspicions of ignorance were founded, Denam continued.  "The Warden-Commander is with child! Did you not know? Oh, my sincere apologies, Ser!"  Denam knelt in front of Alistair, hiding a smile that ran from ear-to-ear.

"She, she's...and, it's _mine_?"

"So, I was told, Your Majesty.  By Bann Teagan, and the apostate.  Apparently, he is a healer. The other healer confirmed his analysis."

"Other healer?"

"A Circle mage, elderly woman.  I don't know if I ever caught her name, Ser."

_Wynne_.  "Did you happen to see the Arl in Redcliffe?"

"No, Ser.  His brother arrived, with the Warden-Commander, about a week after my men and I."

"Was she his prisoner?"

"No, Ser.  In fact, we feared the Bann was her prisoner, so we mistakenly fired upon them, at first.  Two of her companions were unfortunately wounded. But, I assure you, the Warden-Commander is unharmed."

Alistair hated this man already.   _He wanted me to know these things.  Why?_   "If there is no further delay, we should be on our respective ways."


	39. Thirty-Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alistair drops a bombshell, and Cullen recalls when he first met Lily.

Alistair hadn't said much since his conversation with the Knight-Lieutenant, so when he suddenly blurted, "Lily is pregnant," Leliana and Cullen slowly turned from the fire and just stared at him.  "That's what the Templar said. Lily is with my child."

Cullen was stunned; however, Leliana was elated, clapping and squealing for joy.

Alistair continued to fixate on the fire, "They said it couldn't happen, and I, I..."

"You said she was unworthy," Leliana finished for him, glaring at the King angrily.  "She asked you to believe, and to lead the needed change, and you said she was not worthy to be at your side!"

Alistair dropped his head.  "I know. He also said, she and the new mage Warden are _close_."

"That is _your_ fault," Leliana, still seething at her friend, accused.  " _You_ opened that door for her."

Cullen knew what Alistair was feeling now, he had said the same thing to Lily.  Now, he was torturing himself, just as Cullen had done. "I would be weary of what that man said," Cullen kindly offered.  "The demeanor I bore in the tower is what he bears always. He is a monster that became a Templar simply because they would sanction his visceral hatred of the mages.  How do you think he has risen so fast in ranks?"

"He did seem young for a Knight-Lieutenant," Leliana admitted.

"You know Lily better than I do, but I think she would have incensed that particular Templar on purpose, especially if he killed her friend," Cullen suggested.  "I think whatever he said was directed to _her_ , not you. I doubt it was his idea to leave Redcliffe with one dead mage instead of three."

"Being the bearer of the heir would prompt Teagan's intervention," Leliana realized.

"So, it might not be true."  Alistair appeared deflated. Leliana was right.  If Lily had moved on, it was his own fault. He never should have let her go.  It was all she had ever asked of him. _All_ of this, was because of _him_. Because, he followed, instead of led.  He should have defied Lily and killed Anora at the Landsmeet, and then married Lily. She had already united Ferelden once, and saved it from the blight.  They would have supported her, and those who didn't would have been much easier to root out. 

"Lies mixed with truths.  I suppose, we find out tomorrow," Leliana offered up optimistically.

"There is something else you should know," Cullen instigated.  "Anora also claims to be with your child."

At first, Alistair just sat there, eliciting no response.  After a few silent moments, he got up and went to his tent.

"Things cannot continue this way, surely you see that," Leliana said to Cullen.

"I'm sorry?"

"Between the Templars and mages."

"Before Kinloch fell, I thought what we did was _for_ the mages.  Afterwards, it was clear that we do it for the rest of us."

"You can't know Lily and think all mages are the same."

"I don't.  But, is she the exception, or the rule?"

"The same could be asked about you, and all other Templars.  A man with a sword is just as dangerous as a mage with a spell.  Treating one more harshly than the other for the same crime is oppression, laced with hypocrisy.  We are _all_ the Maker's children."

Cullen had heard these words before, from Lily.  He recalled the first time he saw Lily. Fresh from his Templar training, Cullen was sent to Kinloch Circle on Lake Calenhad.  He remembered how imposing the tower appeared, from the opposite side of the dock, and the chatty ferryman.

_ "New recruit, eh?" The portly man with the boat assumed, judging by his passenger's youthful appearance. _

_ "Yes, Ser," Cullen replied, eyes still fixated on the looming stone edifice occupying the small island ahead. _

_ "Good thing, too.  Can always use more Templars, seein' as how more mages are born every day." _

_ "Aye, Ser." _

_ "Greagoir is a good man.  He'll steer ya right." _

_ As Cullen stepped from the ferry, he was greeted by the Knight-Commander himself, not something he had expected. _

_ "Well-met, Templar.  I am Knight-Commander Greagoir.  Welcome to Kinloch Circle." The Commander took Cullen on a tour of the tower, and introduced him to the First-Enchanter, Irving.   _

_ It was leaving his office, when Cullen first spotted her.  Whether she used magic to make it so, or it came natural, Cullen didn't know, but he had never seen anyone with lavender colored hair.  It looked like a long, fine piece of silk one might find in the markets in Orlais. Lily glanced up at him as she and Jowan passed by them, and before Cullen could catch himself, he smiled, delighted to discover her eyes matched her hair.  She briefly returned it, before lowering her gaze to the book she held, and the companion at her side. _

_ Greagoir not-so-subtly cautioned Cullen.  "There isn't much we can do to keep the mages from fraternizing between themselves, but you are well aware of the Order's rule on the matter for Templars." _

_ "Yessir," Cullen affirmed. _

_ "Disobedience is punished harshly," Greagoir knowingly added. _

_ Cullen saw her many times in the weeks that followed, always finding himself offering an involuntary smile when she would look at him.  He would then quickly avert his gaze to his boots, and the moment would be over. He dreaded these moments as much as he looked forward to them, and was thankful she hadn't dared to speak to him.  However, fate has a way of making some things inevitable. _

_ His dreams invaded by the girl with lavender hair, Cullen found himself in the depths of the library late one night, in search of any book not about magic.  Save for the few Templars at their posts, most everyone else had retired by this twilight hour. Frustrated, Cullen sighed as he returned yet another magic book to its place on the shelf. _

_ "Need help?" _

_ Hearing the voice behind him, Cullen turned to see Lily poke her head out from behind some distant shelves.  "Uh, my apologies. I wasn't aware anyone else was, uh, in here," Cullen stammered. _

_ "It's alright.  Except for me, it usually is empty at this hour.  Can I help you find something?" Lily asked as she walked toward him. _

_ "Uh, no, I mean, I don't want to trouble you, but, uh -" _

_ "Something not about magic, perhaps?" _

_ "Yes!"  Cullen blurted.  Lily laughed and he felt intoxicated, as she reached past him and pulled a book from the shelf. _

_ "Try this one," she smiled as she handed him the book, and walked back to her spot behind the shelves. _

_ "Thank you," he suddenly remembered to say. _

_ Cullen spent the next several nights, devouring the tales of knights, jousts, dragons, fair maidens, and tournaments of honor.  It was just what he needed, except for the romance. His mind envisioned every fair maiden with lavender hair, and every heroic knight with his lips to press upon hers.   _

_ Cullen told himself it was just a crush, and made sure to return the book during the daytime when he finished.  When she would walk by, he would look directly to the floor, no smile, no acknowledgment. She was simply not an option. _

_ Still, he would be tested.  When, after a particularly intense dream of the girl with lavender hair, he again found himself in the Library late one night, he went directly to the corner he had seen her before.  He peered around the shelves blocking her, and saw her sitting in the floor, pillows propped up against the shelves, surrounded by stacked books, and one in her lap. _

_ "Oh, hello again," she smiled as she looked up at him.  "Did you like the book?" _

_ "Very much,"  Cullen managed to say without too much awkwardness.  "Might you have another recommendation?" _

_ "Of course," she put the book aside and held out her hand for him to help her up. _

_ Cullen apprehensively took her hand and gave it a slight tug, exerting more strength than he meant to, and her body sprung up, colliding with his.  He put his other arm around her waist to stabilize her, and found himself nose-to-nose, chest-against-chest, with the lavender haired girl. As if it were a dream, and there would be no consequences, Cullen surprised even himself when he suddenly pressed his lips to hers.  "I, I'm sorry," he quietly professed, as they slowly parted. _

_ "Regret is a useless emotion," she said curtly, as she pulled a book from the shelf next to her and handed it to him.   _

_ Cullen realized he had insulted her.  As she moved past him to leave, his hand leapt out and clutched hers.  Without his intentional direction, again she was in his arms, her body pressed up against him, and his lips on hers.  They met this way every night for weeks, until her Harrowing came. _

_ They both knew it was not coincidence that came to cause his presence there, in the Harrowing chamber.  He was being tested, same as she. Should Lily fail, it would be he that had to strike down the girl with lavender hair and plump, plum lips.  Cullen held his breath, and silently prayed to the Maker for her success; as she ingested the lyrium that would send her into the Fade, unarmed and alone, to face her demon. _

"Did you love her?"  Leliana's voice brought Cullen back to the present.

The question was a difficult one for Cullen to answer.  The infatuated boy he was then would have said, 'yes,' but the young man he was now didn't think he really saw her at all.  Not as a whole person, not then. "I thought I did, but I didn't really know her. It wasn't until I couldn't see her anymore, that I started to.  See her, I mean. Every moment together, every smile, word, touch, or look was analyzed and re-analyzed in her absence. I can say one thing for certain - I appreciate her differently now, than I did then."

Leliana's eyes widened.  "You want her back!"

"What?  No! Why would you -" Cullen nervously rubbed the back of his neck.

"Maker!  You do!" Leliana tried to restrain herself, but she couldn't help it.  She laughed until she fell over sideways, clutching her aching sides. "Oh, Cullen.  You poor, silly man."


	40. Fourty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alistair, Cullen, and Leliana arrive in Redcliffe. Teagan gets more than he bargained for, but way less than he's owed.

Alistair continued his solemn silence on the final leg to Redcliffe, and Cullen's stomach was twisted in knots.  He kept glancing at Alistair, who rode in front of him, slouched on his horse. Despite their differences and rivalry, Cullen liked Alistair, and truly felt bad for the King. _He would always be surrounded by faces he couldn't trust._ He didn't know all Alistair had been through these past several weeks, but he couldn't imagine any of it was good, and it would be just the beginning. _Does Lily really want to be a part of that?_

Although Cullen couldn't deny the lingering emotion and attraction he felt for Lily, he repeatedly reminded himself that his time with her had passed.  Lily had rightfully moved on, and he couldn't blame her for that, especially after the horrible things he said to her in the Circle tower. Regardless, there was no future for them in any scenario.  Even if she was no longer bound to the Circle or Chantry, he was. Still, Cullen feared, if she asked, he would willingly, and without hesitation, fall.

Cullen recalled the way she looked when he carried her to her new quarters, after her Harrowing.  Her hair glowed pink in the dim, torch-lit halls, and dots of moisture peppered her skin as she limply hung in his arms.  He remembered being thankful her new quarters came with walls, and Greagoir was preoccupied with something else, allowing Cullen the privacy to remain at Lily's bedside until she woke.

_"It's wrong what they do," Cullen said as her eyes finally fluttered open.  "Throwing you into the lion's den like that."_

_"Funny, that's exactly what the Spirit of Valor said," Lily smiled as she sat up, grateful Cullen's was the first face to greet her._

_"A spirit?  Not a demon?"_

_"Yep, just hanging out in the Fade, making spirit weapons. I dueled him for a staff, and he had quite a few ideas about how to better test me."_

_Cullen smiled, "I bet he did."  He scooted his chair closer to the bed, and put his hand over hers.  "What of the demon you were to face?"_

_"He was by my side the entire time, helping me and pretending to be a mage that failed his Harrowing.  Sometimes, the most effective weapon someone can use against you is your own perception. Never blindly trust anyone.  Not even me."_

_Cullen reached his hand toward her face, "I'm glad you emerged victorious."_

_Lily clasped her hand around his, as it came to rest on her cheek.  "I told you I would."_

_For the first time, Cullen wished he wasn't a Templar.  He wanted to carry them both far from this place. Be a farmer, merchant, smithy, butcher, anything else except a Templar and a Circle mage.  Cullen leaned over and kissed her, lingering there as long as he thought he could, before the achingly persistent desire to do more overtook him, as it always nearly did.  "Library? Tonight? I have something for you," Cullen said, as he rose and began to leave._

_Lily playfully pouted, "Why can't I have it now?"_

_"Tonight," Cullen smiled as he exited, nearly running into her mage friend, Jowan.  "You're friend is awake now," he said matter-of-factly to Jowan, unaware the desperate mage was about to set into motion the very events that would tear Cullen and Lily apart._

Unfortunately, Cullen was never afforded the opportunity to give Lily his gift, and he never would be, having thrown the necklace with a flower pendant into Lake Calenhad immediately after admonishing her in the tower.   _Right after she saved my life and gave me a chance to reaffirm my affections._ Instead, he had insulted her and chased her away. _Right into Alistair's waiting arms_. Cullen wondered if things would be different now, if she would be involved in any of this, were it not for him.

An intriguing thought entered Cullen's mind.  Templars are forbidden fraternization with mages of the Circle, specifically those mages under their charge.  However, there are no rules about mages outside of the Circle, such as Grey Wardens. _Maybe...no, don't be ridiculous.  It is too late._ Whether she carried the heir or not, Alistair clearly still intended to be with her. _And, he is the King._

Alistair straightened up on his horse and briefly glanced at the Templar, as they entered the village of Redcliffe.  Alistair had no inclination to make things more awkward between them; therefore, he did not intend to tell Cullen that he had overheard his conversation with Leliana.  Besides, Cullen wasn't really a threat. _Lily let the Templar go a long time ago._ Cullen could be counted on to protect Lily, and that's all that mattered to Alistair.

The new Warden mage, however, was ever present in Alistair's mind.  He was handsome and funny, two irresistible things to Lily. _Add magic, and it's bad news, Alistair._  He was afraid the mage was why he found himself alone in Denerim when he was woke, and why it was Leliana that came for him instead of Lily.  Given the particular nature of the things Alistair had said about Lily being a mage and unfit to be Queen, Alistair thought her falling into the arms of another Warden mage would be exactly what he deserved. He had berated Cullen for the exact same thing, and yet, would still perform the sin himself.

As he saw Bann Teagan emerge from the castle hall to greet them, Alistair remembered Amaranthine, the hope that had swelled in he and Lily that night, and the defeat they would both receive. _All because of him._ Alistair marched up the steps and slugged Teagan in the face, knocking him to the ground with a satisfying amount of brute force. As he stood over him, Alistair took Isolde's letters from his coat and tossed them at the bleeding Bann.  "Your witch is dead. Where is Lily?" Alistair demanded.

Although his eyes shot daggers at his angered nephew, his words revealed his accepted submission.  "She has gone to Fort Connor, to retrieve Eamon and Connor, Your Highness."

"Eamon is alive?"

"Yes.  Look, Alistair, I understand you're angry, but -"

Alistair interrupted him, "If the words, 'I did it for your own good,' come out of your mouth, _I'll gut you right here_."

Teagan could see Alistair wholly meant his words, and he resigned to keep his explanations to himself.  Wynne entered the hallway and ran to help Teagan, but Alistair put out his arm to hold her at bay.

"He's fine.  He's getting much less than he's owed," Alistair snipped.

"Please, Alistair, go easy on him.  He saved Lily's life."

Alistair returned his steely gaze to Teagan.  "Is it true?"

"Yes," Teagan admitted.  "Wynne says she carries your heir."

"Does she?"  Alistair asked Wynne.

"Yes."  Wynne paused, feeling the urge to tell him more, but hesitant to do so.

"Another Templar?  What does this one want?"  Teagan griped, as Cullen made his way up the steps and into the entry hall.

"Templar Cullen?"  Wynne recognized the young Templar from the Circle tower.

"This one is with us," Alistair nodded to him.

"Oh, dear," Wynne said shaking her head.  Leliana giggled.


	41. Fourty-One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fort Connor

"Arl Eamon?  Connor?" Lily called, as they entered the main hall, which was completely dark.  "It's Warden-Commander Amell!" Although the fort had been damaged in the Fifth Blight, it still mostly stood intact, save for a few missing walls and a roof or two.  However, the darkness made Lily nervous. If Eamon and Connor were here, it certainly didn't look like it. 

"I hear movement in front of us," Zevran whispered.

"Um, Lily?"  Anders said.

"Yes?"

"Are your Warden powers working?"

"I think so, why?"

Anders slammed his staff into the ground and lit up the room, revealing an encroaching horde of darkspawn in front of them.

"Shit!"  Lily cast a blizzard over the horde, and an ice wall between the two groups, as she turned and ran back into the open light of the courtyard.  Unfortunately, another group of darkspawn had moved in behind them. Lily threw up another wall. "Ok, let's take the ones in the courtyard first!"  She directed. Oghren and Justice went to the front of the wall, and Lily shattered a small section, creating a bottleneck.

"Come and get it, deadies!"  Oghren bellowed as he rose his enormous hammer over his head.  Zevran positioned himself at the right of the choke point, stabbing everything that attempted to come through.  

Anders bubbled the three men, and cast one over Lily and himself.  Anders stood at her back, facing the wall holding the darkspawn in the hall.  They had started to file out of the room, and were using the hallway to get around to the courtyard.  "Lily, we need another wall on the courtyard door," Anders relayed. Lily cast a lightning tempest over the courtyard horde, then pivoted in place to cast the ice wall for Anders.  Their noses touched, and she smiled. Anders kissed her. He couldn't help himself. He loved _this_. He loved _her_. Nothing and no one had ever made him feel so alive, and he even carried a death sentence!

"I love you," she teased, her eyes sparkling with the stimulation of the fight, as she turned back around to the help with the courtyard horde, which had almost entirely been decimated by the tempest.  The warriors and Zevran dispatched the remaining darkspawn with little extra effort. "We should check the rest of the fortress. That many darkspawn means there is an underground access somewhere," Lily suggested.  

"I hope Eamon and Connor are alright," Anders wished aloud.

"Anders and I will search the rest of the castle for Eamon and Connor," Lily proposed.  "Oghren, take Zevran and Justice to the cellars and see if you can find anything."

"Aye," Oghren affirmed.

The others descended the steps behind the kitchen, as Anders and Lily ascended the stairs in the main hall to the quarters.

"I've been meaning to ask you something," Anders said quietly.  "About Justice."

"I don't think I know much more than you about him, but shoot."

"He isn't a real Grey Warden, is he?"

"Well, he didn't take the Joining, but the body he inhabits did.  He has Kristoff's memories, I suppose that would be one of them. Plus, his connection to the Fade makes him able to sense darkspawn just as effectively.  I don't know what feeding darkspawn blood to a spirit would do, but I doubt anything good. So, I guess, I'm unsure. He certainly seems to want to do right, and has been a great help to us thus far."

Anders nodded, agreeing with her deduction.  "What about walking around in a tainted body?  Could it affect him that way?"

"Since Kristoff was already dead, I assume not.  It might be different, were he inside one of us still living."

"Do you think that is possible?  To cohabitate with a spirit peacefully, without one or both being corrupted or killed?"

"I don't know, Anders."  Lily was starting to be suspicious of this line of questioning.  "Has he asked to join with you, or someone else?"

"No, not that I know of.  It's just...I'm not sure how long he can last inside that corpse.  It's starting to smell. And, well...Justice isn't afraid of anything, _except dying_."

"Wynne is who we need to talk to about this, and we will as soon as we get the chance.  I don't intend to just abandon Justice, Anders. I promise."

Anders clutched her hand in his.  "Thank you."

"He's important to me, too.  I can care for him and his situation, and still be mindful of the risk he poses, without being callous."

"Then, you're better than most.  Fear turns most men into unbelievably cruel bastards."

"Don't we know it," she agreed.  Although there was evidence that someone had been here recently, they found no signs of Connor or Eamon upstairs.  

Anders and Lily returned to the main floor to search the library, kitchen, and dinning rooms.  As they passed the courtyard door en route to the library, Anders grabbed Lily's arm, and they both saw a blinding flash of brilliant white light.

*******

Although Lily was scheduled to return the day after tomorrow, Alistair couldn't wait, not without losing his mind in the meantime.  The location was only a few hours away, if he rode fast and didn't stop along the way. _I have to see her. I have to know_. As the others began to file into the library, Alistair turned around and ran into the courtyard, launching himself onto his horse.  He goaded the mount and took off in a sprint, out of the courtyard gates.

"You can't let him go alone!"  Leliana pleaded with Cullen.

"Perhaps we should all go," Cullen suggested.  "Anora knows we are here."

"I cannot," Teagan sadly informed them.  Although he believed his and Isolde's relationship had run its course, he was devastated to lose her entirely, and he knew Eamon and Connor would be also.  "I must stay in Redcliffe until Eamon returns."

"I should stay with him," Wynne suggested.

"I guess that just leaves us," Leliana said to Cullen.  She turned to Teagan, "We'll need a map. Alistair's pace will make it difficult to follow him."

Although Cullen was eager to bridge the gap between them and Alistair, Leliana didn't want to keep pace with the King, and did her best to slow Cullen down.  Leliana loved her friend, more than she would ever know, and would do whatever she could to help her. _Lily and Alistair belong together. I'm not going to let this Templar that already hurt her ruin that._

After stopping for about the tenth time, Cullen's frustration got the better of him.  "Honestly, Leliana, we would be there by now if you would just stop dawdling!" 

"It's the horse, not me.  I think he has something stuck in his hoof, he keeps favoring it."

Cullen huffed, and dismounted from his horse.  "Let me take a look," he grumbled.

Leliana smiled as he knelt down in front of the horse and began his inspection.  She didn't want to admit it, but she found this game to be most delightful. _He's way too easy_ , she thought.   _Nothing wrong with a man eager accommodate a woman_. "Why do you pursue a mage when you still think her less than you?"

"I don't, to either of those," Cullen replied without looking up.

Leliana watched him carefully, for any tell that indicated he was lying.  "You don't rush to be her knight in shining armor in place of Alistair?"

"I do not.  As I stated before, our time has passed."  Cullen sighed and rested on his heels, turning up to look at her.  "I don't deny I still have feelings for her, perhaps I always will.  But, I don't hold onto delusions. Too much time, and too many regretted words have passed between us."

Leliana believed he meant what he said, but it was obvious to them both.  If Lily wanted him, he would gladly welcome her back into his arms. "Is Lily the only woman you've ever kissed?"

The Templar blushed and looked to his feet.  "Yes," he reluctantly admitted.

"Well, there's your problem."  Leliana hopped down from her horse and approached him.  "You've got it in your mind that she is the only woman that would do so.  Let's fix that."

As Leliana went to put her hands on his shoulders, Cullen jumped back.  "I appreciate what you're trying to do, but no, thank you."

"Come on, Cullen.  Stop being such a baby.  It's just a kiss, it doesn't mean anything," Leliana giggled.

"That's the problem.  Now, please, stop."

Leliana was taken aback by his refusal, but relented, nonetheless.  "Alright, Cullen. I apologize, if I made you uncomfortable. I was just trying to help."

"I understand, and I thank you for it.  I just don't work that way."

_How curious._ _He's a contradiction of a man, isn't he?_  She wondered. "How do you expect to remain a Templar if you don't like to kill mages?"

"Not all Templars become so simply to hunt mages.  Most just want to protect people, the mages included."

"Except, those that command the rest of you, are just like Denam, or worse."

"Perhaps, but what am I to do about it?"

"If you can't change it, why be a part of it?  The end is coming, surely you can see that. You seem too good of a man to be used up and discarded by the Chantry.  An absolute waste, if you ask me. You're better than that."

Cullen was both flattered, and disturbed by her statements.  "You think the Chantry will end?"

"If it doesn't change, yes.  The oppressed will _always_ rise up.  And, that's not limited to the mages.  Think about the elves, too. A reckoning is coming.  For _all_ of us."

*******

Alistair rode into the courtyard of the fortress, bound from his horse and ran into the main entry.  "Lily?" He shouted. He noticed two staffs laying in the hallway, one of them he recognized as Wintersbreath.   _Lily's staff. She'd never leave it like this._ He heard noises to his left, voices he thought, and he backed up into the darkened corner by the door.

"Commander?"  Oghren called.  "We found something!  You better come take a look!"  

As the men approached the entryway, Alistair stepped from the shadows.  "I think something has happened. I don't sense her, and there's her staff," he said with great concern, pointing to the floor.

Zevran picked up the other staff, Starswrath, "No, this one is hers," and handed it to Alistair.  "She gave the other one to Anders."

Alistair inspected her new piece, immediately recognizing the dagger fixed to the bottom. _She'd absolutely never leave this._ Alistair was trying to stifle his growing fear, even finding comfort in knowing that, at least, she was not alone, wherever she was.  For a moment, all of them appeared lost, drowning in their worry. "What did you find?" Alistair finally snapped to.

"Oh, tunnels, just like the Commander said we would," Oghren informed him.  "Place was overrun with deadies when we got here."

"What about the Arl?"

"No sign of him or the boy," Zevran stated.

"I suggest we start our search in the tunnels," Justice offered.  "If the darkspawn came into the fort through there, it will likely lead to whomever has absconded with the Warden-Commander."

"Who is this?"  Alistair asked, weary of the man that appeared more dead than alive.

"My name is Justice."

"Are you a Grey Warden?"

Before Justice could answer, and knowing he would answer truthfully, Oghren butted in.  "It's a long story. We've not time to waste."


	42. Forty-Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily meets the Architect, as Alistair wanders into Mother's Nest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I deviate from canon a little here, to accommodate the story and facilitate the conclusion.

The darkspawn corpses littering the courtyard and entrance of Fort Connor didn't quite inspire a feeling of confidence in Cullen, nor Leliana.  Immediately, Leliana was filled with guilt for having delayed their arrival. They spotted Alistair's horse, along with several others, roaming free inside the courtyard, which further welled them with concern. After searching the rest of the fort, and finding no sign of Alistair or Lily, Cullen and Leliana descended into the cellar.

"Look, there!"  Leliana exclaimed, pointing to an enormous hole in the floor.  "They must be down there, let's go!"

"Wait," Cullen's eyes fixated on the staves leaning against the wall.  "If Lily is down there, I don't think she went there willingly. Alistair might have, but Lily didn't."

"What makes you think this?"

Cullen pointed to the staves, "What kind of Grey Warden leaves behind their weapon when fighting darkspawn?"

"This is true, but what if she _is_ down there, and in trouble?"

"Alistair is already going after her.  If there's trouble down there they can't handle, neither can the two of us."

"So, we should, what?  Stay here and wait? You sound like a _coward_ ," Leliana hissed.

"No, I think we should go to Vigil's Keep and alert the other Wardens.  Let us descend en masse, for if the courtyard is any indication, there is a horde 'neath here.  If we go in there and fall, no one else knows to come looking for Alistair or Lily, except Teagan and Wynne, and they probably wouldn't send anyone for weeks."

Leliana stared at the opening in the ground she was certain had swallowed her friends.  "I believe your assessment has merit, and you should go to Vigil's Keep straightaway."

"You're not thinking of going down there alone, are you?"

"They are my friends, Cullen.  I must."

"I can't let you do that."

Leliana laughed, "Let me?  You really are adorable," and jumped into the hole.  "Now, go get the Wardens!" She called back to him.

Cullen stood fast for a moment, trying to decide the best course of action.  Leliana was wrong about him, he wasn't a coward, he was a pragmatist. He _wanted_ to follow her, but his instinct told him otherwise.  Aside from the piece of him that desired to bound into the crevice and charge after Lily, everything else told him she would only be saved if he went to Vigil's Keep.  "Maker guide and protect you, Leliana," Cullen whispered, as he picked up the staves and left the cellar for the surface.

 

*******

"Anders?"  Lily heard herself call his name before she felt it pass from her lips, and his arms tightened around her as her eyes blinked open.

"I'm here," he assured her.

"Where are we?"  Lily noticed the bars surrounding them and thought, _Oh, lucky me_.   _Another dungeon_.

"Another day, another cage," Anders half-heartedly joked, feeling much as she did.  "At least, we're together this time."

"What happened?"

"I don't know."

Suddenly, the door in the outside room opened and a darkspawn emissary entered, shadowed by two strange, blight-stricken women - one an elf, and the other dwarven.  "I apologize for your circumstances. For my protection, it could not be helped. Do not be frightened, we have not injured you."

"Fantastic.  Another talking darkspawn," Lily groused.  "When are you guys going to get the point?"

"So _you_ are the hard-headed Commander of the Grey Wardens.  I apologize for what I must do. It is not my wish to be your enemy.  I am the Architect, the first of my kind, to my knowledge. It is I that has freed the others from the call of the Old Gods, and it is my intention to free the rest of the darkspawn as well.  Since Grey Warden blood is the key, and you seek to stop the blights, I had hoped for the cooperation of you and your order. However, it seems my communications have been... _misunderstood_. But, now is not the time for this.  Rest. _Sleep_."

His eyelids suddenly feeling as heavy as iron-loaded crates, Anders slumped against the wall, as Lily tried to fight the darkspawn's spell.  "You...have...no...power...over...me..." Lily forced, in a defiant and barely audible utterance, as her head fell against Ander's chest and her eyes closed.

The next time she woke, Lily didn't feel Anders' arms around her.  She was strapped to a table, in nothing but her smallclothes, and her arms stretched out to her sides.  Lily turned her head to the left to see Anders in the same predicament, but still unconscious. "Anders!"  She called to him. "Anders, wake up!" Lily noticed a bucket on the floor, beneath his outstretched arm, and blood dripping into it.  "Anders!" Lily screamed at him frantically, but he did not move. 

Lily emitted a force wave from the center of her body and shattered her restraints.  She leapt from her table and over to Anders, placing her palm over his slit wrist, completely unaware of her own blood sliding down her arm.   _Maker, please, please don't let it be too late!_

As the wound began to slowly close, Anders' eyes lazily opened, and he smiled upon first seeing her.  "Hello, love."

Lily laughed through her tears, overwhelmed with relief, as she threw herself against him, and thanked him for not being dead.

Anders caught sight of her wound as she worked quickly to remove his restraints.  "You're hurt!" He wrapped his palm over her wrist and, despite his weakness, healed her faster and more efficiently than she had done him.  Glancing around, Anders wondered, "What _is_ this place?"

Lily took in the bloodied floors and tables, and the cages hanging above them with the bodies still outfitted in Warden armor.  "No place good."

"C-Commander," came a quiet and desperate call from behind them.  Cowered on the floor behind a table strewn with papers, was a man in Warden armor Lily did not recognize.

"You know me?"

"Yes.  My name is Keenan.  I was tasked with rebuilding the Grey Wardens in Ferelden...just as you were.  We arrived to Vigil's Keep as ordered, and less than a week later, these things showed up and dragged us down here."

"This place is under Vigil's Keep?"  Lily questioned.

"Aye.  Although, tunnels likely extend across the Hinterlands, possibly other places as well.  I've heard talk of a silverite mine, a-and an ancient dwarven thaig 'neath Amaranthine."

"Are you all that is left of your regiment?"

Keenan's head dropped.  "Unfortunately. I'd managed to stay hidden for weeks, until just yesterday, when a particularly large and nasty beasty found me."  

"You haven't seen an old man and a boy down here, have you?"  Anders asked, hopefully.

"No, just the darkspawn.  The one calling himself 'the Architect,' and the two he keeps at his side.  The dwarf, Utha, sh-she was one of us...a Grey Warden. The elf, I do not know."

"If she is helping him, she is _not_ one of us." Lily argued.  "Do you know what he's trying to do? The talkative one?"

"He is using Grey Warden blood on the darkspawn.  It makes them... _self-aware_ , and immune to the call of the Archdemon."

"Just what we need, free-thinking undead, roaming the countryside," Anders said, as he knelt down next to the man, and began an attempt to heal him.

"I'm a lost cause," Keenan shook his head, refusing Anders' help.  "I'll not walk again, and soon bleed out," he said sadly, pointing to his mangled legs.  "But, if you happen upon the beast that did this to me, he stole my wedding ring, and I'd be grateful if you'd return it to my wife in Amaranthine."

"Don't be an idiot.  Shut up and let Anders heal you."  Lily was in no mood to have to beg the man to let her save his life.  She scooped up the Architect's research splayed on the table, and tucked it under her arm.

Anders smiled, holding back a rather persistent chuckle at Lily's impatient decorum.  He supposed the weight of others' problems had their eventual toll, for he'd never seen her react to an innocent this way.  However, he could entirely sympathize with it's source. It was infinitely, and in every way, more conducive to just 'shut up' and do what Lily said, _especially when it is she that carries the weight of it all_.  

Keenan did as he was told, doing and saying nothing to stop Anders.  He was directed to lay flat and perfectly still, as the healer held his hands above Keenan's legs.  Anders concentrated with a singular intensity on the bones, as he tried, as gently as he could, to push them back into place and fuse them together, with what little energy he had left. When he was finished, Anders collapsed, passing out from exhaustion.

Lily rolled her eyes.   _Drama queen_. Lily found herself feeling more annoyed than she had cause to be, yet powerless to stop it.  "Can you walk?" She asked Keenan.

"I-I can't believe it!"  He exclaimed as he stood.

"Good.  Pick him up," Lily directed, pointing to Anders.  "We're getting out of here." She had no intention of sticking around for another chat with the talking emissary.   _We might not wake up next time_.

 

*******

Oghren took in a deep breath, "Ahhhhh.  The Deep Roads."

"You believe these tunnels extend all the way to the Deep Roads?" Zevran queried.

"Yep, I can smell it," Oghren boastfully informed him.

"Great," Alistair mumbled.  "As if I didn't get enough of that place already."

"I second Alistair's sentiment," Zevran added.

Having already been immersed in the tunnel for what seemed like days instead of hours, the longer they walked and encountered nothing but errant critters, the more nervous Alistair became.  He was underground, and yet he didn't sense _any_ darkspawn, or Lily. He told himself he could live with it, if she had decided not to be with him, but he'd never survive losing her entirely.  It's why he agreed to do the worst possible thing anyone could ask him to do... _sleep with Morrigan. Evidently, now I've been with three women, and only one of them willingly. And, each carries my child?  Maker, Alistair. You've lived your whole life with your eyes closed._

Beyond the sudden anxiousness and queasiness he felt growing inside of him, Alistair was unsure of what to make of such a realization; except, that he had been willfully passive his entire life, allowing others to dictate his actions, as well as his future.  He and Lily were both where they were _precisely_ due to that most disappointing lack of character. _Had I stood up to Lily, and executed Anora at the Landsmeet, none of this would be happening,_ he had successfully convinced himself. _I honestly can't blame her for not wanting to be a part of this...this mess...I created.  I don't even want to be! Maybe Wynne and Teagan are right. The best thing I can do for her is to let her go._ He hated to admit that to himself. All he wanted was to be with her.

They came upon a crossroads of sorts, with tunnels leading off in three different directions.  "What now?" Oghren asked, as he pulled his flask from his belt and took a long gulp.

"Do you sense anything?"  Alistair asked him.

"Nay," Oghren said, before letting out a disgusting, although expected, belch.

"Ugh," Zevran turned up his nose.  "I believe I can smell that one."

"Me either.  Odd, isn't it?"  Alistair said, returning to the topic at hand.

"Aye," Oghren agreed, taking one more swig from his flask and attaching it to his belt.  "The deadies at the fort can't be the only ones."

Alistair sighed, and threw up his hands in frustration.  "We're just chasing our tails! She may not even be down here!"

"It is our only lead," Zevran reminded him.

"It could have been Anora.  Maybe we're wasting time down here while Lily is being tortured in Denerim," Alistair was grasping at straws out of desperation.

"I don't think so Alistair," Zevran gently countered.  "It would have to be a very powerful person to take on Lily, you know that as well as I do.  But, I have also seen her and Anders fight together. To take them both, well, Anora does not possess that power, nor can I think of any single mortal that does."

"It would either take an army, which we dispatched, or something... _else_ ," Justice inserted.

Alistair was slightly relieved, yet found himself increasingly envious of Anders.  Like Lily, Anders was a powerful mage from the Circle, with none of the noble complications the king now carried.  They shared a commonality, and a unique connection that Alistair was ill-equipped to compete with. He made a silent bargain, and a reluctant promise to himself.   _Maker, please, just let me find her alive, and I'll make sure she is never in danger again...by letting her go_. Although, he had to guiltily wonder, _what good was any promise made, if one already harbored the intention of dishonoring it._

Oghren walked over to stand in the right tunnel, "Well, I say we go this way."

"I sense what we seek is to the left," Justice argued.

"I suppose you suggest we go down the middle," Alistair said to Zevran.

"Yes, but only because I don't want it to feel left out," the assassin replied with a smirk-laced pout.

Alistair rolled his eyes, "Helpful.  Thank you, Zevran."

"'Twas my pleasure, your highness."

Alistair closed his eyes, and tried to block everything else out.  Using only what he could sense, he felt no pull, one way or the other.

"I'm telling ya, my stone sense tells me to go right.  I'd bet my last bottle there's somethin' down there," Oghren said, growing impatient. 

Alistair opened his eyes and sighed.  "Alright, Oghren. I suppose your 'stone sense' is all we've got to go on."

Alistair surmised they were descending, the farther along this path they travelled.  The air had become much more thin, and significantly cooler. They were also encountering fewer and fewer critters.  He felt a brief twinge of relief when he first began to sense the darkspawn, although, not many. _Not like there should be in the Deep Roads, especially after an archdemon is slain._  In the same instant, his relief was malformed into the uneasiness he was quickly becoming familiar with.

As they breached the next cavern, it opened up into a huge, sprawling underground city, known as thaigs, constructed by ancient dwarves.

"What _is_ this stuff?"  Alistair asked about the enormous fleshy sacs suddenly appearing all around them, as if they grew right there, on the walls and floors.

"Birthing pods.  We encountered it's like in the Blackmarsh," Justice supplied.  "Stay clear. Touching them releases a... _terrible thing_."

Oghren practically pressed his nose to the surface of the intricately carved, yet slime obscured stone walls.  "By the Paragons! I, I don't believe it! It's Kal'Hirol!"

"Ka'Hirol?"  Alistair questioned.

"Named after the Paragon Hirol, you stupid human!  The legendary warrior smith! The lost knowledge that can be recovered here is, is -"  Oghren was distracted by what sounded like fighting nearby. He followed the sounds into the next chamber, where they encountered several darkspawn hurlocks, dragging a dwarven woman away, kicking and screaming.  "Hey!" Oghren yelled, catching the attention of the darkspawn, and propping his weapon on his shoulder. "Why don't ya deadies pick on someone yer own size?"

"I say we even the odds in this fight," Justice stood ready next to Oghren, as did Zevran and Alistair.  

The men vanquished the darkspawn with ease, and helped the woman to her feet.  She had short, dark hair and tattoos covering her face, and Oghren immediately recognized her armor as that of the Legion of the Dead.

"Thanks!  I'm Sigrun," she said, way too cheerfully for someone who had just barely escaped a fate worse than death.  She walked over to the hurlock that had been holding her, and retrieved her daggers.

"I'm Oghren," the red-headed dwarf said, as he leaned upon his large, two-handed maul.  "The ladies call me 'Oooohhh-gren," he grinned.

Zevran covered his face with his palm, "Oh, my." 


	43. Forty-Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens in Denerim...never stays in Denerim.

Denam arrived in Denerim ahead of schedule.  He prided himself on his punctuality and efficiency, his innate ability to complete any task to the letter. _Except this one_ , he grumpily mused to himself. He had to admit, however, this outcome was better than what he first expected, considering the trouble the mage gave him.   _The pretty one, not the dead one in the wagon._ Had the noble not intervened, he'd be much more satisfied. So would the Queen.

"Although, I am pleased you have brought this particular apostate to justice, this deal you made with the fugitive must be considered illegitimate."

"It was never intended to be otherwise, my Queen.  Had Bann Teagan not interfered -"

"Why _did_ he object to your taking custody of the fugitive?"

"He insisted the fugitive was with the King's child.  As I did not wish to anger the King, I thought this deception the best course of action, until I could consult you, your highness."

Anora's eyes flared.  The threat to her power was blindingly obvious.  Alistair was gone, likely no longer enchanted and with his memory returned, and the Hero carries his heir. Even if she did convince the nobles he murdered the Arlessa, the King wouldn't stay gone. He and the Hero would come for her, and turn the nobles against her, as they did her father.  There was only one way Alistair would let her live, and that possibility was eliminated when she miscarried. "As you may, or may not be aware, the King is missing, and also wanted for murder."

"Missing?  I just met with him outside Redcliffe, your majesty.  I did not know he was a wanted fugitive as well, or I would have apprehended him myself."

"Was he with anyone?"

"A templar, Ser Cullen Rutherford, and a woman I did not recognize."

It was as she suspected.  The templar remained loyal to the Hero, and helped Alistair escape.  She had no choice, she would have to wait for them to come to her. _I will be ready_ , Anora assured herself.   _First things first._ _I need a new heir_. Anora's face softened, as she smiled, and rose from the throne to meet the Knight-Lieutenant on the steps below her.  "Come. Banquet awaits. We can speak more of this in the morning. I'm sure you and your men are famished after your long and arduous journey."

Denam was pleased, but not at all surprised to have so quickly earned the Queen's attention.  He was a man accustomed to getting everything, and _everyone_ , he desired. "Of course, my Queen."  He bowed and offered her his arm, and she took it will a sly grin. Before they reached the dining hall, Denam pulled Anora into a storage closet and closed the door behind them.  "The banquet doesn't offer what I hunger for," he insisted, as he pinned her against the door and forcefully kissed her.

Trapped by her own agenda, Anora felt she had no choice but to play along.  Curiously, however, she found she enjoyed it. Denam was a different kind of man than Cailan or Alistair.  More aggressive, confident, direct... _ambitious_. Like her father, whom she admired more than any man. It was a whole new experience for Anora, not being the one in control.  For the first time, she felt truly vulnerable, and _excited_. She took measure of the sensation, as it burst from her belly into her chest, and all throughout her. 

Denam's armor dropped to the floor with a resounding clang, and Anora wrapped her legs around his waist, as he grabbed her under her buttocks and lifted her on top of him. Her nails dug into the back of his shoulder as he entered her and the pain infused him, making him even more animalistic. It drove Anora _wild_. Sensing her particular trigger, Denam pressed his palm tight against Anora's throat, cutting off her air.  

At first, unsure of what was actually taking place, her eyes went wide in panic and her hands grasped at his, which would not budge.  "Relax," Denam directed. "I'm not going to kill you." Just as she reached the point where she didn't know if she would climax or pass out, he removed his hand, and they climaxed together.  

Anora was unfamiliar with an orgasm, having faked her entire life up to this point.  She had never considered it before, but now, suddenly, everything about her felt inauthentic.  Every experience, every utterance, every interaction... _false_. She had been awakened, and cared not to return to the land of pretend.  She had thought fulfilling the arbitrary ambitions of others necessary for her survival, but now realized she, alone, could dictate the outcome of the entire game, and change the very game itself.

Anora found herself fixated on Denam at banquet, and he appeared to watch her as well, as if no others were in attendance, save for the two of them.  Each had the look of being somewhere else, lost in a secret moment between them, and it was noticed. The murmurs and sideways glances from the nobles went mostly ignored by Anora; although, when Denam suggested they retire to her private quarters, she readily accepted.

He brought her to the brink of death and back several more times that night, and quickly she found herself addicted to the sensation, craving it more and more each time. Already, she was enamored of him, admired him even. He had revealed his ambition to match hers, something she had never met in another man, or woman. But, Denam had something else, something few people ever possessed.  He had the _will_ to meet his limitless ambition, without conscience or emotional interference, despite any obstacle he may encounter. He would do what must be done, regardless of the consequences.

Anora decided to do something she had never done before.  She told him the truth. All she had done, all she planned to do, _everything_.  At first, she was insulted by his response. _He laughed._

"Is that all?"  Denam mockingly replied.  "You would fit right in, my dear, in Orlais.  Although, perhaps regarded as amateur."

"That's not the first time I've heard that," she answered coldly.

"It's worth consideration, given our limited options at this point."

" _Our_?"  Her eyes returned to greet his.

"I assume you confided in me for more than the simple act of confession, or divulged so much for a mere test of loyalty."

"Perhaps," she looked away thoughtfully.  "Perhaps, I no longer wish to be alone in my conquest."

Denam obliged her with the reassurance she sought.  "You have chosen a worthy partner, my Queen."


	44. Forty-Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All roads lead us to where we're supposed to go...some just take longer to get there.

Alistair stared at the many-boobed dead thing, that had moments before, been towering over them, cackling maniacally.  "I'm not sure I can ever see a breast the same way again," he mumbled.

"Me either," echoed Zevran.

"Let's see.  Sigrun?" Oghren proposed to their new dwarven friend.

She declined.  "Nice try."

"What was all that stuff about Warden blood and the Architect?"  Alistair asked.

"Who knows?  Nothing that thing said made sense."  Oghren turned to the one amongst them who might know, the Legion of the Dead dwarf.  "What about you? You ever seen anything like this?"

"Once or twice.  Broodmothers. Although, they differ depending on their race before being turned, this one was unlike _any_ I've seen.  Much larger. And grosser. But, more importantly, she was _aware_. The ones I've encountered were little more than husks, completely unaware of _anything_.  Birthing slugs."

"It's hard to imagine a worse fate to set upon someone," Zevran offered.

"Had you not intervened, it would have been mine.  So, _thank_ _you_." Sigrun was well aware of the fate she had escaped, and for a moment her bright smile disappeared.

Oghren stuck out his chest and winked at Sigrun, "'Twas our pleasure!  Heh."

"One thing she said did make sense," Alistair interrupted.  "She said we were too late to save Amaranthine from _her_ _children_.  That's what she called these things." Alistair kicked the corpse of one of the giant caterpillar-like creatures that viciously sprung forth from the fleshy pods at their Mother's call.  "We need to get topside. I'd wager we are not far from the city. She would have the nest close by."

They followed the tunnel behind the Mother's nest, and emerged into an abandoned quarry, just outside of the city.  They could already see the flames. They were indeed too late. Alistair started toward the city, "I have to help them!"

Zevran grabbed his friend's arm, "Alistair, the city is lost!  Losing their King as well won't help them!"

"I'm not going because I'm their King!  I'm going because I'm a _Grey Warden_!" Alistair wrenched loose, and embarked in a sprint toward Amaranthine.

Sigrun was already on Alistair's heel.  The King had saved her life, and darkspawn was also a responsibility she owed to her Legion.  Zevran shook his head and Oghren shrugged. They already knew they were going, too. Followed by Justice, the elf and portly dwarf ran to catch up to the others.

As they broached the outskirts of Amaranthine, the smoke was thick, blinding and choking.  They tripped over the bodies of the refugees that had been camped there. "I don't understand," Zevran insisted.  "I told Garavel to bring the refugees to the keep!"

"Perhaps the keep was attacked as well," Justice suggested.

Alistair's breath left his chest.  The Mother didn't know anything about Lily; and when told Lily was a Grey Warden, Mother laughed and said, _"Wardens are the Architect's prey, not mine."_  That's the problem with crazy, truth masked in nonsense is easy to discount, or miss entirely. The Mother had nothing but hatred for this Architect, yet, by all appearances, they seemed to be working in tandem.  Unless... _the attack on Amaranthine was to lure the Architect here_. "Stay alert. We may have more than Mother's children to deal with."

As they began toward the city gates, a voice called out from behind them.  "Grey Warden!"

Alistair turned, rubbed his eyes and blinked several times, certain he couldn't be seeing what he thought he was seeing.

"Please, halt!  I am the Messenger!  My master knows what you seek, and promises to take you to her, if you come along peacefully!"

"Am I imagining things, or is that a talking darkspawn?"  Alistair asked.

"Aye," Oghren grunted.

"Is your master called 'the Architect'?"  Justice questioned.

"That be he," the darkspawn confirmed.

Alistair drew his sword, "What has he done with Lily?!"

"The Warden-Commander is safe, unharmed.  At her keep, she waits with my master. For you."

"He lies," Justice informed them.

"Get 'em," Alistair quietly ordered.  

Before the darkspawn could turn around to flee, Sigrun and Zevran were at its back, bearing their blades into its rotted, reanimated corpse.  With a single slice from her daggers, and a wicked smile, Sigrun severed its head.

"I guess he missed the part about Grey Wardens _never_ making deals with darkspawn," Zevran snarked.

"Especially not _that_ Grey Warden," Alistair added.

"Vigil's Keep, then?"  Oghren assumed.

Although Alistair was torn, he had to believe in Lily, and stay true to his oath.   _She killed the archdemon_. "No. We kill Mother's children. Every last one."

They encountered far fewer survivors than Alistair hoped they would.  Those that had tried to flee through the streets appeared to have succumbed to the smoke first, and Mother's children second.  Once satisfied they had vanquished all of Mother's minions, they made their way to the Chantry, and Alistair found his breath cut short again when they burst through the doors to find it full of people.  "Thank the Maker! It's the King!" The people cheered.

"We have to get these people out of the city.  Every building burns but this one," Zevran proposed.

"They would likely be overcome by the smoke, just as the others," Justice insisted.

"Wait.  There is a secret passage to Smuggler's Cove.  We found it when the Warden-Commander routed some bandits from the slums.  It's there, over behind the bookcases." Oghren pointed to the back left of the room.  They made their way through the crowd to the hidden door in the floor. Once opened, Oghren and Justice descended first.  After a quick check for more darkspawn, Oghren shouted an all clear. Alistair helped everyone down into the tunnel, and as he and the rogues filed in, parts of the engulfed Chantry roof began to collapse.

Everyone gathered in the underground inlet, unsure of where to go.  There were only two small boats left here, and some other tunnels that lead Maker knows where.  Taking them out a few at a time by boat would take too long, and the tunnels probably lead back to places within the city.   _We could take the boats first._

"What do we do now, your Majesty?"  Someone in the crowd shouted.

"I need some strong men to row these boats," Alistair stated.  Several men stepped forward, eager to help. "I need you men to swear to me, you will see every last person is ferried out of this cove."

"It will be done, Ser," one of the men assured, as the others nodded in affirmation.

Alistair lifted his voice to the crowd.  "Good people! Hear me! _You are safe_. We have vanquished the darkspawn and the fire cannot reach you here.  You will be ferried from the cove, as long as everyone remains calm, and waits their turn. I have to help someone else, so we can't stay, and will be transported first.  When the boats return, I want sick and injured loaded first, then families with children. I'm trusting you good people to remember you are neighbors, and to take care of each other.  Do not let me down!"

The crowd cheered their saviors as Alistair and the others climbed into the first boat.  "She would have been proud of you, had she seen that," Zevran whispered to the King.

Alistair hoped so.  A girl had fallen in love with a boy, and the boy broke her heart twice.  The girl had been grown by the world, but the boy remained sheltered behind her. His only chance was to return to her a man, equal to the woman she had become.

*******

After much complaining from the improvised pack mule, Keenan, Lily finally decided they should make camp and rest.  They had seen no darkspawn, or sign of the Architect since leaving the lab, which made her suspicious. _We must be going in the wrong direction._ She knew how long the journey to Vigil's Keep took above ground, but down here, in the Deep Roads, they could be literally anywhere, and were at the mercy of the already cut out paths.  

Lily first started a fire and made a place for Anders.  After they laid him out, Lily went through the mage's tote and found some bread.  Lily was glad the stupid darkspawn had left their belongings in the lab, thinking they'd never live to retrieve them.  Having clothes and something to eat went a long way to lessen their troubles. She split the loaf in thirds, gave Keenan a piece, kept one for herself, and put the rest back for Anders.

"Too bad no giant spiders this far down.  They cook up tasty," Keenan suggested, his mouth full as he chewed his ration.

Lily shuddered.  "No thanks, I'd rather starve."

"You might, with that attitude," Keenan laughed.  "But, I guess, you are a mage? Couldn't you conjure something?"

"I can conjure lots of things, none of them edible."

Keenan stopped chewing, and looked the Warden-Commander in the eyes.  "I didn't think to say it before, but thank you, Commander." He bowed his head, "I had given up. Never thought to see my lovely wife again, and certainly didn't think you'd find me. I feel ashamed now, at my readiness to forfeit."

"Don't be so hard on yourself, Keenan.  You were ambushed and drug down here, where you spent all these weeks watching your brothers and sisters being tortured and killed for a darkspawn's twisted agenda.  The fact that you survived long enough for me to find you is a testament to your strength."

"I appreciate you saying so, Commander.  It means a lot coming from the Hero of Ferelden."  Keenan smiled and nodded his head in her direction, as a sign of respect.

Lily nodded back and stuck the last piece of her bread in her mouth.  She didn't want to think about being a hero right now. She just wanted to make it out of the deep roads alive.  "How long have you been married?"

"Just shy of three years."

"Any children?"

"Two, I hope."

"You hope?"

"My wife was close to term when I left.  I hope another has joined our son."

"I'm sure a family of three waits for you in Amaranthine, Keenan.  I think the Maker wants you to return home to them."

Keenan smiled, "I do too."  He worried if his next question would be too personal, but proceeded anyway.  "Are you married, Commander?"

"No.  I'm a mage and a Grey Warden.  Who wants that double curse?" She said with a self-depreciating chuckle, yet dripping with the sadness of truth.

"But, you are a free mage, are you not?"

"Sort of.  It's complicated."

"The other mage, he's your boyfriend then?"

"Also, complicated." Anders began to stir, his drowsy lips tossing out her name.  She put her arm on him, "I'm here. We're safe."

Anders opened his eyes, and Lily helped him to sit up.  "Well, that was something," he grumbled, with his palm over his eyes as he waited for the dizziness to subside.

Lily handed him his piece of the loaf.  "You need to get your strength up. We can't stay long."  She waited for him to start chewing before she continued. "I've never seen such an extensive wound healed that quickly.  You're more powerful that you let on, Anders."

"I've never done that before.  I just simply decided that I had to."

"Thank you, friend.  My legs feel stronger than when I was a lad, better than new!"

"You're welcome.  I apologize for the pain, I had very little energy available for pain suppression."

"My legs were quite numb by then, good mage, do not trouble yourself.  I owe you and the Commander my life, and if you ever have need of me, I will be there."  Keenan laid down, "I'm gonna try and get some shut-eye while I can. You're pretty heavy for a mage."

Anders smiled and nodded, and took hold of Lily's hand, bringing it to his lips for a kiss.  "Close one."

"Too close," she replied.

"So, it seems the taint lends two fates to the darkspawn as well."

"Madness, or consciousness, which is just madness with free will."

"What do you think he means to do with this _aware_ army?  I doubt he really intends to end the blights. That would greatly limit his ability to recruit."

"He's out of Grey Warden blood.  The only Grey Wardens left in Ferelden, that I know of, are us, Alistair, Oghren..."

"And those at Vigil's Keep," Anders finished for her.

"Right.  He believes me out of the way, and will again lay siege to Vigil's Keep.  He will lie in wait, as long as the Wardens continue to return, and consume them all.  Then, he will set his sights on Weisshaupt."

"How do you know this?  His notes?"

"It's what I would do, if Grey Warden blood were my goal."

"So, we are headed to Vigil's Keep."

"Yep," Lily confirmed.

"Without our weapons."

"Shit."

"Or reinforcements."

"Alright, so it's a thin plan.  The curious thing is, we've seen not one darkspawn since the lab.  We may actually be too late."

"We can't be that far behind him.  It wouldn't have taken long for us to bleed out.  It's a good thing you woke up."

_We probably should have returned to Fort Connor._  It would have been the wisest calculation, if Lily had been able to decipher their location underground.  She just assumed they were closer to Vigil's Keep when they found Keenan; but, now, they could be under Orlais, for all she could tell.  "I don't know that I've ever been as terrified as I was in that moment. When you didn't wake up, and I saw the blood...I thought..." Unable to say the words, Lily began to quietly sob, and Anders folded her into his arms.

He smiled and made an attempt at levity, regretful he had caused her such a scare.  "You're not getting rid of me that easy."

Through her tears, Lily managed a small and pathetic smile in return.  "Good."

"Am I coward if I hope we never meet the Architect again?"

"If you are, then so am I."

"And, yet, you drive us toward him."

"Not for the altruistic reason you think."

"No, I know why.  Mhairi."

Lily's eyes welled again, and she put her face in her hands.  "I never should have sent her back," she cried. "Just like Jowan."

"You did what you thought best at the time, love.  Who can do better than that?"

"No, I should have known better.  Everything _always_ goes to shit." _And, so will this_ , her mind told her.

Anders held her hand in his.  "We'll get there in time."

"We _have_ to," she said more as a plea than an affirmation.

"You know, it's kind of funny."

"What is?"

"How the world hates mages, yet mages always save the world."

"I think they liken it to cleaning up our own messes.  For they are certain, Thedas would live in peace without us.  Nevermind the wars that only include us as weapons and pawns."

"Was there ever a time, during the blight, that you ever just wanted to walk away?"

"Constantly," she admitted.

"What kept you from doing so?"

"Alistair."

"Really?  I would have thought he'd be the first to sanction running away."

"He's far less a coward than he lets on.  Much like you. In a moment of truth, he'd be the _first_ to put himself between danger and you."

"I doubt that.  He's probably tops in the ever expanding list of those who wish to kill me."

"I don't think so.  He gave me away before I even met you.  When he 'wakes up,' he'll know what I do.  Amaranthine was a desperate attempt to make a fantasy real.  You see what that caused."

"Ugh.  To think we still have Anora to deal with after this..."  Anders sighed, thinking a moment's peace was the ultimate fantasy.

"Nope.  I'm done with the fucking nobles."

"Seriously?"

"Entirely.  I have no patience for people that expect you to save their ass, and then no problem taking _everything_ from you once you do."

"Well said.  Although, I admit, I'm surprised to hear you, _the Hero of Ferelden_ , say it."

"Don't get me wrong.  Should Anora and I meet again, she will undoubtedly die by my hand.  But, if Alistair wants his throne, he'll have to take it himself. I can't do this one for him.  Well, I _could_. I just don't want to. According to the Wardens, I'm not even _supposed_ to. Sophia is a poignant lesson about picking sides."

"You still fear to become her?"

"No.  I'd be something worse."

 


	45. Forty-Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen arrives to Vigil's Keep

Cullen had never been to Vigil's Keep before, but had heard of the fall of house Howe and the darkspawn attack.  Although he didn't expect to find the place unlivable, he certainly didn't expect to find it like _this_. It was bustling with people, soldiers and villagers alike.  The walls were solid and high, and guards doubled up upon them. Merchants and craftsmen had set up small shops around the central courtyard, with houses and farms behind another set of gates to the right.  It was its own self-sustaining village. _Lily did this?_ Usually, destruction lay in her wake.

Cullen dismounted, removed the staves he'd tied to the saddle, and passed his steed's reins to a stable hand.  "She's been ridden hard, boy, give her extra care." Cullen then dropped a coin in the lad's hand.

"Thank you, Ser!  Just as you say!" The boy exclaimed happily, as he guided her into the stable with a gentle rub on the side of her neck.

Cullen made his way to the keep gate, and requested entry with one of the guards posted there.  "Good evening, Ser. I am Cullen Rutherford of the Templar Order, and I request to speak to whomever is in charge.  I have urgent information regarding the Warden-Commander."

The guardswoman eyed him suspiciously.  He was a templar carrying two mage staffs, after all.  "You'll want to speak to Seneschal Varel," she offered as she released the gate.

"Thank you," Cullen politely expressed.  He noticed the curious eyes of the nobles gathered lingering on him, as he strode through the main hall toward the man who stood at the front, arms crossed, eyes narrowed, watching.  _That is the man in charge_ , Cullen rightfully deduced.

Varel gave Cullen a proper salute upon his approach, and extended his hand with a warm, but cautious smile.  "Well met, Templar. I am Seneschal Varel. How may I help you?"

"I'm Cullen Rutherford of the Templar Order, and I'm afraid I come with concerning news, Ser.  I fear the Warden-Commander has been taken against her will." Cullen removed the staves from his back and handed them to Varel.  "I found these without their owners in Fort Connor, among numerous darkspawn corpses."

"Excuse me."  The armored young man next to Varel quickly walked away.

"Ah, yes.  I do believe this silver one belongs to the Warden-Commander.  You know her, or do you _hunt_ her, Templar?"

Cullen's eyes laid on the man sincerely, "I can bear her no harm, even when ordered to do so, Ser.  I knew her before she was the Hero, or the Commander. From her time in the Circle."

Varel rose his brow, "Which Circle, Templar?"

"Kinloch, on Lake Calenhad."

"How did you come to be at the fort?"  Varel quizzed, still unsure about this man's intention with a woman he greatly admired.

Cullen could see the Seneschal would be unsatisfied with half-truths, and his patience for piecemeal information was at its conclusion.  "Anora sent me to kill her. However, I only took the assignment to protect Lily. If I refused, another would be tapped, and he would not disobey."

Varel smiled and bowed, "If you know her name, you are her friend.  You've done the right thing, coming here, and I thank you." 

Cullen reciprocated, and the armored man that had disappeared a moment ago returned with a young woman in Grey Warden armor.  Cullen shifted to relief. "Oh, good. I hope there are a lot more of you."

Mhairi shook her head.  "I'm afraid not. Just me and a fellow named Stroud, here looking for the Orlais Wardens.  May I see the staff?"

Varel held them out to her.  "This one is the Commander's," she confirmed, pointing to the red one, not the silver.  "See, that is her mentor's dagger at the bottom. She had it made when we, uh," Mhairi's eyes bounced around the others.  Soldier's Peak was a secret she'd not divulge. "-were in Amaranthine. The other one belongs to Anders now, the healer apostate she conscripted."   She turned to Garavel, "Mages would never leave their weapons behind! He must take us to where he found these!"

"There are already people there looking for her.  The King, in fact," Cullen informed them. "We found a fresh surface protrusion in the basement.  We believe a darkspawn horde emerged from there and surprised the Commander. And, although we found many darkspawn corpses, we saw no human ones.  The King, and others, are in those tunnels below the fort, looking for her now. I would have joined them; but, I don't know how to explain it, other than to say, I believe I am _supposed_ to be here.  And, she will be here, too."

The armored young man finally spoke, "My gut tells me the same.  Oh, forgive me. I'm Garavel, Guard-Captain of the keep." He stuck his hand in front of Cullen, who shook it.  "And, this is Mhairi, a Grey Warden." Cullen shook her hand as well.

"I suppose all we can do now is wait," Mhairi looked to Garavel and frowned.

"Well, it's not all we can do.  Let's get the templar some supper.  By looks, he's ridden straight through from the fort."

"You assume correctly, Ser.  I considered the situation urgent."

Garavel knew he liked this man already.  He had met more than a few templars in his time, and most behaved as if they had a red-hot poker stuck right up their ass.  This one was different, you could see it in the eyes - they still had questions, still searched for answers, 'cause the ones he's told don't satisfy.  _He's in love with her._ Garavel knew the tortured look of a man drowning in unrequited affections. Mhairi smiled and tugged at his hand. She had caught the scent as well.

After escorting the templar to the dining hall, and leaving him to eat in peace, Garavel pulled Mhairi into a nearby storage closet and quickly closed the door behind them.  Neither could contain themselves, and burst out laughing. "Maker's breath! A king, a rebel mage, _and_ a templar?!" Garavel exclaimed.  "How does she even find time to be a Grey warden?"  

Mhairi shook her head in disbelief.  "Is there any man that can meet the Commander without hopelessly falling in love with her?  My goodness! I might have lost you, had we not met first!"

Garavel wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close.  "Not a chance. My eyes would have still waited for you."

Mhairi kissed him, but as she pulled away she thought more of her friend.  It seemed improper, their humor, but it was definitely a subject she would bring up once she saw her again.  "I hope she is okay."

"The Commander is a force all on her own, you know this.  With the other mage, I wouldn't have thought anything could stop them."

"Something did," she argued.  "She'd have never left that staff.  Nor, would Anders have left his, seeing as it was a gift from her."

" _No bodies_ , Mhairi.  That's the part of the story that matters.  Whatever did stop them, took them alive. That's the worst mistake an enemy of the Commander can make."

Mhairi smiled, "That's true."  She suddenly got quiet and still, staring straight ahead.  "Grey...Wardens?"

"What is it?"

"I sense Wardens, but... _different_. I, I'm not sure."

Garavel's eyes widened in horror.  "The talking darkspawn! That's what happened before!"  He burst from the closet, still holding tight to Mhairi's hand.  "To your posts!" He shouted the command throughout the halls, as he bolted into the courtyard.  "Into the keep!" He ordered, ushering people inside. "Close the gates! Guards, to your posts! Stack the walls!"  Mhairi let go of Garavel's hand and darted into the storehouse, intent on checking the tunnel they had previously sealed.  Garavel called across the courtyard after her, "Mhairi, wait!"  

Garavel anxiously followed, descending the steps to the cellar in double-time, stopping short at the bottom.  He nearly ran right into the back of Mhairi, who stood frozen, staring at the wide open mechanical door, and an obviously blighted dwarf in Grey Warden armor.  "I thought Wardens already carry blight. Why does she look like that?"

"I, I think she's supposed to be dead," Mhairi stammered, as a towering darkspawn emissary emerged from the tunnel behind the dwarf.

Screams from the surface reached their ears, and Garavel moved between Mhairi and the darkspawn, pulling his sword.  "Mhairi, run!"

Mhairi planted her feet and drew her sword as well, "I will not!"

Suddenly, the newly arrived templar burst into the cellar, and thrust his sword into the ground, knocking the emissary and the dwarf back through the door and into the tunnel.  Mhairi and Garavel rushed forward and attempted to close the massive metal door before their foes could regain themselves. However, with a flick of his hand, the emissary sent them flying, crashing into the basement walls and tumbling to the floor.  

Cullen charged forward, pressing all his weight against the door, but too, was flung backwards into the basement steps.  He landed hard on the unforgiving and uneven surface, hearing the unmistakable sound of bones cracking. Cullen willed himself to move, as he saw the emissary gliding toward him, but his legs would not obey.  He reached for his sword, laying above him on the landing, and held it in front of him, catching the airborne dwarf's sword just before she was able to drive it into his neck. The dwarf then sprung backwards, and Cullen felt the flesh on his face rip, as her sword tip sliced it open.  _This is it_ , he thought, as he felt the warmth of his blood oozing down his chin and neck, spilling onto his breastplate and painting the Templar silver in dark crimson.

Garavel regained himself, and put his body between the dwarf and Cullen, as she charged toward the templar again.  Seeing an opportunity to catch her off-guard, Mhairi positioned herself behind the dwarf, and drove her sword through the corrupted former warden.

The Architect bitterly bellowed, "Utha!  No!" The master bent down and picked up the body of his slain disciple.  "I'm so sorry, Utha."

Mhairi shouted furiously, remembering her lost brothers and sisters, "You've more than that to apologize for!"

The Architect glared at Mhairi.  He held his hand in front of him and closed his fist, the gesture rendering Mhairi paralyzed in the air.  "Were you not a Grey Warden, and your blood more valuable than your life, I'd crush your spine," he seethed.  "Utha is the _only_ reason I attempted to go about this peacefully!"

As Garavel bore his shield into the chest of the emissary, the Guard-Captain's lips curled into a delighted grin, for he saw a familiar face approach in the tunnel behind the darkspawn.  "And, now, you're aggression shall be met," he confidently taunted. 


	46. Forty-Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily arrives to Vigil's Keep, bearing a slight grudge against the Architect.

"Wait, I know this place.  I've been in this tunnel before!  We're under Vigil's Keep!" Lily felt relief fill her, until she recalled a minor inconvenience.  "Oh...shit."

"What's wrong?"

"We sealed the tunnel, remember?  There's a massive mechanical dwarven door at the end.  One that can only be opened from the other side."

"Well, I guess we'll either run into the Architect, or follow whichever way he found around it," Anders answered with a shrug of his shoulders.

"Watch out for glyphs.  That's how he got us last time," Lily reminded him.  "This is new," she said, pointing to a freshly dug tunnel on the right.

"Sure would be nice if one of us had a weapon," Keenan nervously suggested.

"I _am_ the weapon," Lily stated confidently, and Anders nodded.  Using her 'special power' and outing herself as a blood mage wasn't something Lily wanted to do, but it was clear she would have little choice.  The architect was too powerful, and there were too many lives at stake to lose. Lily peered into the tunnel inquisitively. She expected to sense darkspawn, but didn't.  "Do you sense any darkspawn, Anders?"

"Yes, although it feels slightly different.  Whatever the Architect does to them, makes them almost feel like Wardens.  I bet that's how they were able to sneak up on the Grey Wardens at Vigil's Keep the first time.  They thought it was more Wardens, until the darkspawn was upon them, and it was clear they weren't."

"That's exactly right, Ser mage," Keenan sadly confirmed.

"Well, for a monster, he's done his research.  He's using our powers against us." _Weird. Why don't I sense anything?_   Lily wondered. They began to hear shouts coming from farther down the main tunnel.  

"I feel pulled in both directions, but power radiates from there," Anders pointed down the main corridor.

"He means to confuse their senses.  Ambush them again," Lily concluded. "He sent his army to distract, while he walks right into the keep!"  Lily ran towards the sounds, silently praying they were not too late.

The voices became clearer, the closer she got to the door, and she instantly recognized the Architect.  "Utha is the _only_ reason I attempted to go about this peacefully!"

"Peacefully?"  Lily interrupted from behind the emissary.  "Is that what you call kidnapping Grey Wardens, draining them of their blood, and feeding it to darkspawn?"

"It was necessary!"  The Architect snarled, sending a force wave into Lily and Anders.  "I hate to waste a resource, but, apparently, you will give me no choice!"

While he was focused on the Commander, Garavel charged the emissary again, and knocked him to the ground.  Anders and Lily quickly righted themselves, and Anders dispelled the arcane cage holding Mhairi. As soon as she fell to the ground, Mhairi grabbed her sword and engaged the Architect once more.  "Help the templar!"

Lily turned toward the landing steps, and saw a man in templar armor, just lying there, bleeding from his face.  It wasn't until she stood directly over him that Lily recognized him. "Cullen?"

"I'm...sorry...Lily," Cullen sputtered, blood spilling from his mouth.

"Anders!" Lily screamed.

Anders imbued the warriors' weapons with lightning and ran to join Lily on the stairway.  "Keep the Architect busy!" He ordered Lily, then put a shield around he and the templar as he began healing him.

Lily wondered if Cullen would refuse Anders' magical healing, but he didn't.  Whether it was because he had changed, or near death, she didn't know. She only knew his presence was a curiosity she'd have to sort out later, provided they both lived.  Lily joined Mhairi and Garavel, engaging the Architect with a mana drain, emptying his resource for spell casting.  

A force wave emanated from the Architect, knocking Lily and the others off of their feet and severely disorienting them.  "I owe you an apology, Commander," the darkspawn raged. "When last we met, I intended to explain, but fate intervened."

"I escaped, you mean!"  Lily argued.

"I restrained you only to prevent the misunderstanding that occurred with the rest of your order."

"You tried to bleed us dry!"

"I only wanted your assistance, I had no intention of killing you.  The Wardens that were brought to me were already dead. I took their blood just as I took yours, because I had little choice."

"You lie!"  Keenan shouted from doorway, ducking behind the massive door.

"All I ask is that you hear me out.  If you still wish to slay me after, you may try."

Lily laughed, "What could there possibly be left to discuss?"

"You have misunderstood my intentions.  Things...have not gone as planned."

"No shit," Lily spat sarcastically.  Hoping to buy Anders valuable healing time, she decided to oblige the Architect in a little dialogue.  "But, this sounds interesting, so let's hear it." She held up her hand to stay the others.

"My kind has ever been driven to seek out the Old Gods.  This is our nature. When we find one, a blight has begun.  Each time we attack your surface lands, and each time you fight back until we are defeated.  To break the cycle, my brethren must be freed of their compulsion. For that, I need Grey Warden blood.  In your blood, lies the key to immunity from the call of the Old Gods. Once they are freed, the darkspawn think for themselves, they act.  Some, however, have reacted...poorly. They are flawed, and rage against me. The Mother gathers them to stop me, as she intends to stop you."

"This Mother is welcome to try where all others, including yourself, have failed."

"I cannot defeat the Mother alone, and I cannot free the darkspawn and stop the blights unless she is defeated.  Our goals are the same."

"Are they?  I don't think so.  I know many in my Order take this whole 'end the blight at any cost' thing literally, but I'm not one of those Wardens.  I don't sanction evil, I defeat it."

"That's right!"  Mhairi defiantly seconded.  "We don't make deals with darkspawn, we kill them!"

Lily looked to the landing, and saw Anders helping Cullen up the steps.  _Good. Playtime is over._ Lily looked to each of her companions, then back to the Architect.  "Looks like our answer is 'go fuck yourself.'"

The Architect closed his fist again, wrenching all three of them against the wall, paralyzing them.  "Disappointing."


	47. Forty-Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The King arrives.

As Alistair and the others turned onto the road leading to Vigil's Keep, the sounds of the chaos began to reach them.  "Hi-yah!" Alistair yelled, as he kicked his horse and goaded her faster. He was relieved to see the walls had been rebuilt, however, between them and the gates stood an entire darkspawn horde.  Alistair didn't slow as he drove his horse, and his sword, through the middle of the mass of undead. The men on the walls rained arrows down on the darkspawn, dropping them tens at a time. The gates opened, and more men rushed from inside, pushing the line of undead back from the walls.  Alistair was impressed with the guards, as well as whomever had trained them. He rode past the soldiers and darkspawn and into the courtyard, jumping from his horse upon seeing Cullen and the apostate Lily had conscripted. "Cullen!"

Anders' breath left his chest when he saw the King ride up.  _Things are about to get really complicated_. 

"I'm alright, thanks to him," Cullen nodded toward Anders, as the mage helped the templar to his feet.  

"I guess Lily made the right choice," Alistair extended his hand to a confused Anders.  "In your conscription, I mean."

_He knows._   Anders shook the King's hand, "I suppose she did."

"She's down there with the emissary," Cullen pointed to the open storehouse door.  "If you'll give me a moment -"

Alistair heard all he needed to and rushed past them, into the storehouse cellar.  

Anders made one last check on Cullen, who waved him off as politely as he could, as he spotted Oghren and Justice coming their way.  "Down there!" Anders informed them.

Alistair watched as the Architect closed in on Lily, increasing the pressure in her arcane cage, and causing blood to run from her ears and eyes.  "You have miscalculated Commander, mistaken my generosity for weakness."

Lily hung, frozen in the air, staring into Mhairi's horrified eyes as the blood began to drip from her friend's nostrils.  All Lily could feel was the pounding of her heart against her chest, but her vantage point also gave her full view of the landing and steps.  She couldn't have been more surprised, thankful, or terrified to spy the man that now appeared there. She was ill-prepared for what the sight of him would do to her, and she could tell, as their eyes locked, he knew _everything_.  What had happened, what she'd done, what he'd done, what she carried, and what they'd both do next.  

Alistair slammed into the Architect, interrupting its magical hold on Lily and the others.  From behind him, Oghren and Justice joined him, striking massive blows to the darkspawn.  

The emissary quickly recaged the Warden-Commander.  "You'll watch them all die for your stubborn ignorance!"  

Garavel rushed over to Mhairi, but she brushed him off as she grabbed her sword and lunged at the darkspawn again.  The Architect emitted another force wave, this one slamming all of the warriors into the ground, and paralyzing them there.  From the landing, Anders cast an area cleanse, freeing the warriors once again, as Cullen flew down the steps to join them.  

With a wave of his arm, the Architect brushed them all aside like ants, the warriors smashing into each other and the back basement wall.  Anders cast a shield over them, revitalizing them. Incensed, the Architect held out his hand and Anders was magically pulled into his grasp.  "Ahhh, the healer," the emissary sneered, as he turned to face Lily, who furiously pounded against the walls of her ether cage. This only further encouraged the darkspawn in his cruel intents.  "Let's see how he heals without any limbs, shall we?" He gave Lily a wicked smile, and as the Architect returned his focus to Anders, Justice's massive axe came down in front of him, severing the arm that held the mage.  

Almost simultaneously, Oghren's maul hammered the Architect in the back, and as he hit the ground, the Architect brought the tunnel ceiling down on top of all of them.  Cullen took hold of Alistair, and crawled under the stairs for cover. Garavel grabbed Mhairi and did the same. For several moments, they watched, as nothing moved in the settling dust and rubble.  Safe inside her arcane cage, Lily raged wildly, a futile and unheard warning. Suddenly, the wood slats protecting the warriors shattered, splintering the steps into pieces.  

The Architect rose from the rubble, shrouded in swirling shadow energy, and emitting a high pitched wail.  Darkspawn harassing the keep above ground poured into the crevice left open to the sky, and surrounded the four warriors.  Also from above, came two blurs, that plummeted into the mass of darkspawn. Zevran and Sigrun whirled through the horde, blades bared.  Reinvigorated by their friends' zealousness, the warriors joined in, helping to eradicate the Architect's minion army. Alistair struck out from the mass of darkspawn, charging into the Architect, hoping to pull his attention from Lily, and unfortunately, succeeding.

The Architect closed his fist, and Alistair's neck twisted, then snapped.  He tossed the King against the basement wall, and Lily cried a soundless scream from inside her cage.  Her only relief was that it didn't kill him instantly, his eyes locked with hers in unimaginable terror and panic.  _Anders can still save him,_ she told herself. _Shit! Anders!_ Lily peered at the pile of stone where Anders stood before, desperate for a sign of life.  

The Architect reached into her arcane cage, and grabbed Lily by the throat.  "I want you to watch this." He held her out in front of him, facing toward her friends, as she clawed and pried at the unforgiving fleshless hand of bone that clutched her neck, and her fate.  With a flick of his wrist, the Architect sent Mhairi crashing into a wall, and knocking her unconscious. He twirled a finger, and a confused Cullen and Garavel turned their swords on each other, as did Zevran and Sigrun.

From beneath the rubble, Justice reached his hand toward Anders.  At the touch, Anders' hand clasped onto Justice. "My body is done, but I can still save you," Justice whispered to the mage.  "Let me in, and you can save us all."  

Anders let go of Justice's hand, his retreating beneath the rubble.  What the spirit asked was equally repulsive, and tempting. To preserve his own life, it wasn't even worth consideration.  But... _to save Lily_...Anders would do _anything_ , even the one thing he swore he'd never do. _Dealing with demons is just one of the many ways to ensure mages will never be free._ Despite Wynne's assurance of the possibility of coexistence, Anders knew better. There are no good spirits and bad spirits, they are all dangerous. Whether it is corrupted slowly or instantly, the mortal world was an emotional minefield spirits were inept at maneuvering through.  Even something as benign as friendship could twist a spirit from their purpose, irrevocably altering them forever. When it came down to the heart of it, the bargain was simple. Her life for his. Whatever was unleashed after that, he did not care.

Garavel's sword pierced Cullen's armor, and tore through the templar's shoulder.  Cullen screamed, as his sword clanked to the ground and he fell to his knees. Garavel's eyes widened in unbridled horror, as he raised his sword over his head and prepared to sever Cullen's head from his body.    

Suddenly, the stone pile between the Architect and the others erupted, and a blinding blue light enveloped the cavern, dazing everyone.  Disoriented, the Architect released his hold on Lily, and attempted to retreat into the tunnel.

"You have assumed my spilled blood weakens me," Lily sneered as her feet met the ground.  "When it only makes me stronger!" She met Cullen's panicked eyes with an apologetic plea, then erupted in a primal scream, throwing her head back and emitting a blood wave from her body.  The red liquid encircled the Architect, taking shape as thousands of shards of crimson-stained glass, piercing him all at once, then bursting him from the inside. Lily ran to Alistair's side, folding his hand into hers.  Alistair smiled, as tears escaped the corners of his eyes. "Anders! Help him!" Lily pleaded, so focused on Alistair that she failed to notice Anders glowed in a bright blue hue.

Anders hovered over the King, his eyes staring into the eyes of the man she had loved first, and still.  Entirely at the mage's mercy, Alistair's eyes begged him.   _Don't do what you're thinking._


	48. Forty-Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Revelations and rainchecks.

As soon as the surgeon finished stitching him up, since he refused any further mage healing, Cullen left the keep, without having said a word to Lily.  Lily watched from the window as he drove his horse full speed through the gates, reminding herself that she expected such a reaction. After all, she was blood mage now, and some things Cullen just couldn't reconcile.  She turned her gaze to Anders, asleep on the bed. _He_ had saved all of them. Only now, did she begin to wonder how.

"We have a lot to talk about, you and I," Alistair said, leaning against the open doorway.  Lily exited the room, and quietly shut the door behind her. Since he refused to move, this put her uncomfortably close to Alistair, which only delighted him.  "It's good to see you," he spoke with a smile.

"I'm glad you are alright," Lily said nervously, as she attempted to back away from him.

Alistair mirrored her movements forward, finally cornering her in the hallway, an arm on each side preventing her from fleeing.  "Tell me you don't still love me, and I'll leave."

_I can't._   "That's never been our problem, Alistair."

"Then, what is it?"

"You said it yourself.  You're a King, I'm a mage, and nowhere in between shall the two meet."

"Some foolish boy said that, not me."

"The boy was right, it was the girl that was foolish."  Lily shook her head with a bitter chuckle. "To think love would be all that mattered.  I was so naive."

Alistair frowned, "I don't believe that, and neither do you."

"I do now.  Anora enlightened me."

"The woman is a deranged, entitled, lunatic.  Why would you believe anything she says?"

"It's not what she told me.  It's what she showed me. There will always be something, someone, hiding in the shadows, waiting to enact their bid for power.  Eventually, we wouldn't even be able to trust each other."

Alistair peered suspiciously into her wet eyes.  "You only say this because of him," Alistair accused, nodding his head towards the closed door.  "It's a little difficult not to feel abandoned here."

"I could never abandon you, Alistair.  How much of the last several weeks, do you remember?"

"Bits and pieces.  I do know that the last time I saw you, you swore your love to me."

His words stung, as he had intended.  "So, you don't remember laying with Anora, trying to kill me, banishing the Grey Wardens, or almost executing Mhairi?  You basically became Loghain."

Alistair groaned, hearing just about the worst thing possible from her lips.  "Ugh, don't say that. How can you blame me for something I did under Isolde's enchantment?"

"I don't.  But, I also can't deny that these things changed something within me.  My eyes were opened to the fact that this would _always_ be my life with you, with a King.  And, it wasn't just me I had to think about anymore."

"So, it is true."

"Apparently."

Alistair hung his head, "How is it possible to be so overjoyed and utterly devastated at the same time?"

Lily began to weep, "I'm so sorry, Alistair.  I didn't mean for -"

He pressed the side of his face to hers, "Don't be sorry.  Don't ever be sorry, not for that. We made a miracle.  You went and did it again, what they said couldn't be done." Lily put her arms around his neck and cried openly into his shoulder.  Alistair realized Lily loved them both, the King and the mage, but the tears she wept were for the child. She feared another pawn drawn into his royal games.  He could hardly blame her for that, his mother must have feared the same, prompting all the lies his father told to hide him. Alistair didn't want that loneliness for his child, or Lily.  He held Lily tight against his chest, "We'll work it out, don't worry." What she wanted was the assurance that he could protect her and their child, and only proof in actions would provide what words couldn't.  "I have to go back to Redcliffe and find Eamon."

"I know," Lily turned her eyes to the floor.

"Once I've secured my crown from Anora, I _will_ return."  It was a warning, as much as an assurance. _Get your house in order, 'cause I'll be back to claim it._

"I won't be here."  Lily hesitated, knowing her revelation would mean she wanted him to find her, which she did.  "I'll be at Soldier's Peak."

Alistair smiled, "No more Warden-Commander?"

"No more Warden-Commander.  Just one of the nobodies."

"You will never be a nobody.  No matter how hard you try."

"That doesn't mean I'll stop trying."

Alistair touched his forehead to hers, " _Neither will I_."  

Lily closed her eyes, wanting so badly to fall into his embrace and forget everything else.  _Anders_ , she had to remind herself.

Alistair knew that pressing her presently would result in the opposite reaction he wanted, so he kissed her cheek and walked away.


	49. Forty-Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The lies we tell ourselves...and others.

This time, when Alistair left the keep, Lily escorted he and Zevran to the gate and watched until they could no longer be seen.  _"She's still in love with him,"_ Justice's voice in Anders' head told him, as Anders watched her from the window. _"She will be withdrawn, shy of affection.  Watch and see."_  

"Mind your own business," Anders grumbled, already filled with regret for what he'd done.  Sure, he'd saved their lives, but for what? Lily would eventually learn what transpired, _and thereafter never look at me the same again_.  The countdown has begun, and his bliss already stolen. Anders almost decided right then to leave, but ultimately concluded that denying her the choice was unfair, and now wasn't the time to make that decision.  

She had drawn a great deal of comfort from knowing he'd be present for the birth, she was counting on it to keep her fear at bay, and he had promised.  Lily deserved the one peace of mind he could give, even if it was the last thing he could do for her. Justice would undoubtedly become stronger in the coming months, and Anders really had no idea how long it would take for the spirit to eventually consume him.  Yet, he hoped Wynne was an example of something better. Part of him considered telling Lily everything, wishing she'd strike him down right there, releasing them both.

_ "You really think that would be easier for anyone?  Especially her? I've only inhabited a corpse, so I don't know what will happen to us, but I am no demon." _

"Not yet."

_"I only wish to protect and help you, perhaps learn from you.  I do not seek your termination,"_ Justice argued.

"It may not be within your control.  Eventually, you will weaken and I will be spent."

_ "We should seek out this Wynne again, or more accurately, the spirit of faith within her." _

Anders took notice, as Lily turned from the gates, and began walking toward the keep.  "Lily is coming. Can you just...go to sleep for awhile or something?" Anders returned to the bed and lay down.

_ "I'm a spirit.  Spirits do not sleep." _

"It's easy.  You just close your eyes, like this," Anders closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep.  He felt like a coward, but he was so unsure of himself at this point, that facing her was a terrifying prospect, especially after eavesdropping on her conversation in the hallway.  It was clear Alistair would not be giving up on Lily. Perhaps, in light of recent developments, that was no longer a bad thing. _He'll be there to pick up the pieces and make them whole again._   That thought filled him more with inconsolable sadness than any measure of relief.

Lily entered the room quietly, and lay in bed next to Anders.  His pulse quickened, as she draped her arm over his chest and snuggled in close to him.  Anders couldn't resist drawing his arm down upon her shoulder, and giving her a squeeze.

"I thought you were asleep," she whispered.

"I am," Anders replied with one eye propped open, and a smirkish grin curled upon the left side of his mouth.

Lily slowly drew her index finger from his belly button to his neck, where she replaced her finger with her lips.  "Are you sure? You don't look like you're asleep."

Anders closed his peeking eye, as the smile grew to both sides of his face.  "Yep, I'm sure."

Lily smiled wickedly and withdrew back into her personal space, "Ok, I'll leave you alone then."

Anders laughed and pulled her on top of him, "Don't you dare!"  He held her smiling face in his hands, and wished he had the power to shut out the world around them.  He'd die happy, if this were the last sight cast in front of his eyes. She made absolutely everything else seem insignificant.  Anders was startled to discover this made Justice uneasy, he could _feel_ it.

Lily's smile faded, and her tone turned more serious.  "Are you alright?"

"I am," he insisted.  "Just a bit weak." Anders hungrily put his lips to hers, hoping to distract her from her concern.

"You don't seem weak to me," she said with a playful smile.  Lily slid to his side, "But, perhaps rest is what is best."

Anders turned over and rolled her beneath him, "I'm never too weak for this."  Anders went directly for the kill, her weak spot, kissing her neck, causing Lily to immediately concede.

"That's cheating," Lily giggled.  "You know I can't think when you do that."  Lily pushed against him in a half-hearted attempt to resist, but Anders was unmoved.

Anders smiled, "I know."  Refusing to be swayed from his mission, Anders slid his hand beneath her blouse, softly cupping her breast in his palm.  Again, he found himself taken aback by Justice's... _arousal_. He tried to contain the mounting concern within him, as he moved his lips down her neck and across her chest.  _Get Lost!_ Anders ordered Justice.

_"You know I cannot.  I feel what you feel, so just think of my...'emotions' as simply a reflection of yours._ " 

Anders didn't want to have this conversation right this minute, and set about ignoring Justice, as he lifted Lily's blouse over her head and put his lips to her breast.  Although he had checked the baby when he healed Lily after the battle, Anders slid his hand over her belly again. _Yep, still there._ He wondered what effect these magical battles would have on the child, as well as the taint within Lily's blood that nourished it.  

Lily felt the heat from his palm warm her belly, and knew what he was doing.  "Is it alright?"

"Yes, but, as your duly appointed healer, I'm afraid I'm going to have to restrict you to bed rest from now on."

Lily laughed, "Is that so?"

"Mmhmm," Anders affirmed, leaving a trail of kisses from her breast to her neck.

"Something tells me, I wouldn't actually get much rest."

"Probably not," Anders agreed, gently rubbing the side of his face against hers, as he bridged the distance from her neck to her lips.

"Anders?"

"Yes, my love?"

"You didn't let Justice make you an abomination, did you?"

Anders was caught completely unaware by her direct question, and in a panic, did what used to come naturally to him.  He lied. "No! Of course not! Why would you even ask me that?" He immediately wished he could take it back, but lies are slippery like that. 

"What you did for Keenan was amazing, but what you did for Alistair can only be described as a miracle."

_No, what I did for Alistair was a gift...for you._ "I just did what I had to, just like you." _Don't forget the vial you drank, baby.  Your covenant with demons is made also._   

"How were you not injured in the cave-in?"

"I was, I healed myself." 

She _wanted_ to believe him, and that was the problem.  It clouded her judgement. She put her hand to the side of his face and rubbed her thumb across his cheek.  "You really came through for all of us today. We'd have died in that tunnel, if you hadn't forced the Architect to release me."

"And, I'd do it again," he replied without hesitation.  Anders kissed her, knowing he had already sown the seeds of his destruction.


	50. Fifty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope for happy endings.

"I'm so delighted you decided to stay for the ceremony," Mhairi said cheerfully, as Lily braided her hair.

"I wouldn't miss it, Warden-Commander," Lily confirmed.

Mhairi laughed every time Lily addressed her by her new title, and it was contagious, always compelling Lily to do the same.  "So, a king, a templar, and a mage all walk into a tavern..." Mhairi began.

"Not this again," Lily rolled her eyes and let out an exasperated sigh.

"The mage decided he was home, the King left a bun in the oven, and the templar ran away," Mhairi jested in singsong.

Lily laughed.  "Templars aren't quite as accepting of blood magic as the Wardens.  I doubt I have to worry about Cullen trying to come to my rescue _ever_ again."

"I wouldn't be so sure.  He'll get over it.  Like your King and mage, and whether he wants to or not, the templar loves you."

Lily's tone suddenly became defiant.  "I couldn't care less if he does. It saved his life, as well as, the rest of us."  She was tired of Cullen's holier-than-thou arrogance everytime she saved his ass.  _What was he even doing here?_

"Except for Justice, anyway.  Do you think he returned to the Fade?"

"I hope so."  _I really, **really** hope so._

"Would he still be Justice?  Or, something else?"

"I'm not sure.  He seemed to believe he would be something else.  It actually frightened him." Lily plucked a white rose from Mhairi's bouquet, and wove it into her braid.

"How was Anders not injured in the cave-in?  It killed Justice and almost killed Oghren, but Anders emerged apparently unharmed, save for a few scratches."

Lily shrugged, "He says he was, and that he healed himself."  

"He's certainly the most amazing healer I've ever seen.  I can't believe Alistair was able to walk away."

_Stop kidding yourself, you know how he did it._   Lily nodded absently. "Tell me honestly, Mhairi.  Does it bother you? The blood magic? Do you think of me differently?"

"It's not the mages who _don't_ want to use blood magic that worry me.  Besides, I thought you didn't care what the templar thinks."

"I don't.  But, he has a right to feel the way he does.  He barely survived what blood magic in malevolent hands can do.  I just...I don't want to ever become that."

"You won't, I'm sure."

"At least one of us is."

"You're too hard on yourself, but I understand why."

"What do you mean?"

"You hold yourself to a ridiculous standard, what you see as what a 'hero' should be.  And, boy, do you have grand ideals! Disappointing others, you can live with, but not disappointing yourself.  If you don't learn to accept the things you can't control, well, they just end up controlling _you_. Sort of like where I sit now, having to be Warden-Commander after the _great Hero of Ferelden_.  Who can live up to that? Just give yourself a break."

"As long as you don't anger the nobles into having you framed and assassinated, and let a city fall to its vices, you will come out ahead."

"You inspire others to be better, and that's something this world needs.  There's a fascinating story circling among the refugees, about a handsome young King saving the people of Amaranthine.  In more ways than one, I'd certify that you're responsible for that."

Lily had heard the story as well, except directly from Zevran.  She remembered thinking how funny it was, Zevran's newfound admiration of Alistair.  A man he had offered to stab just a few months ago. She had sensed the change in Alistair too.  He didn't even ask her to help him with Anora. Alistair had found out what it was like to be violated, betrayed, used, and he did not retreat.  Having her plan accomplish its intention wasn't as rewarding as she thought it would be. Sure, now Alistair was a man she could be with...except now, she was in love with Anders.  "I don't know about all of that, but the world definitely needs more people like you in it. So, hurry up and have some babies."

Mhairi laughed, "Now you sound like Garavel."

"Done," Lily announced, as she tied the end of Mhairi's hair.

Mhairi turned her head and admired Lily's work in the mirror.  "It's beautiful! Where did you learn to do this?"

"The Circle.  I had an elven mage friend, Surana.  Most nights, she had trouble sleeping, and I would stay up with her.  She would braid my hair, saying it helped her remember. She was very young when she was brought to the Circle, and all she could remember of her mother was this act she performed nightly on me."

Mhairi frowned, "How terribly sad.  It's wrong how they tear families apart, just because you're mages.  Any person has the potential to be dangerous, with or without magic."

"I think most people consider magical danger to be on another level, and from what I've seen, I can understand that.  But, there has to be a better way. Mages do need a safe place to educate themselves, but they do not deserve to be abused, oppressed, and caged like animals.  You can't systematically breed that kind of resentment over decades and not expect some kind of inevitable push back. There was talk, even before I left. Some mage factions grow impatient, and increasingly offended.  Should they all eventually agree on a plan of action? Well, I'm _afraid_ of what that might bring."

"Which side would you be found on?"

"I'm no longer a part of the Circle."

"That doesn't really answer my question."

"As a Grey Warden, I imagine I'd be too busy helping those caught in the middle to be able to pick a side, and I know there's enough fault for all sides."  Lily shook her head, "Enough of this talk. It's your big day! Your beauty is going to render Garavel speechless." Lily smiled wide, hoping to lighten the mood.  She'd tried to contain her increasing melancholy, although it appeared to spread to everything she touched.

The sadness cowered behind her friend's smile, but Mhairi could still see it.  Mhairi felt guilty. Her life seemed to just fall into place, whereas no amount of good intention had done anything to make things easier for Lily.  Quite the opposite in fact, as if fate were doling out punishments purely for spite. If anyone deserved a peaceful and unencumbered life, it was definitely Lily.  But, as she peered at her friend now, Mhairi knew something she didn't want to. _That will never happen._

Lily became concerned when she saw Mhairi's cheerful face fade.  "What is it?"

"Well, I know you don't want to talk about it."

"It's your wedding day, so I'll give you a free pass.  Ask me whatever you like, and I will answer."

"How did you choose?  Between Anders and Alistair, I mean."

"Honestly, I don't think I ever really did.  And, now that I love both, I can never love just one or the other."  Lily shrugged, "I guess I'm kind of hoping they're more afraid of losing altogether than sharing?  Men love to share, right?"

Mhairi caught a glimpse of something else behind her humor, and cut off her laughter with a gasp.  "You don't think your relationship with Anders will last!"

Although she shouldn't have been, Lily was caught off-guard by Mhairi's bullseye perception.  She shook her head, "I knew this was a mistake."

"I don't ask in order to judge you.  If my curiosity hurts you, then dismiss it, with my apologies."

"No, it's alright.  I'm so lucky to have a friend that reminds me...I don't have to be an island."  Lily paused before she continued, "It's unbalancing how quickly things can change, isn't it?  I was so sure Alistair and I were meant to be together. Then, this rebel mage walks into my life and upends everything.  Then, Alistair has the nerve to become the man I always wanted."

"My dad used to say, _'Change is what life is all about, bunny.  You either adapt and grow stronger, smarter; or, retreat into your burrow, and never venture farther_.'"

"Wise man.  Many people are content to remain, hide, only making them uncomfortable will change that.  Perhaps, though, big changes take much more consideration, especially when it's not only your fate you hold in your hands, but that of entire generations.  Tell me, would you still prick your finger if you knew the pain that would follow?"

"I'm not sure.  I guess it would depend on why I was doing the pricking to begin with, and if the pain was worth it."

Lily smiled and nodded her head, "You are _exactly_ correct, Mhairi."

"You don't think maybe your fear of happiness lends you to believe destruction is inevitable?"

"As if I'm just waiting for the rug to be pulled from beneath me?  Of course. Given my history, it's not an unjustified assumption. I'm not afraid to be happy, I just don't trust it.  I've been slapped in the face too many times, even by my closest friends, and those that claim to love me."

"I know my words will ring hollow, but you have been the best friend I have ever known, and you saved my life.  I will never do anything against you, and will always be at your side if you call me to."

"Your words are never insincere, Mhairi.  And, if I can help it, I'll see to it you live a long, happy life here undisturbed.  I've told no one else of this, but after the baby is born, I intend to take on a personal mission, for the Grey Wardens.  I don't want another good man or woman dying to the Calling, or the Joining."

"I'd wager that's a dangerous endeavor, if not noble."

"It also might be a suicide mission.  There's bound to be an inconvenient reason things are the way they are, and some bastard heavily invested in hiding it."

"Want me to come along?"

"That won't be necessary.  Anders will be with me," Lily replied, more confidently than she felt.  Although overjoyed by her friend's happiness and fortune, Lily also felt the tiniest bit envious.  Not that she wanted it taken from Mhairi, or that she didn't deserve it. Lily wanted some happiness too, or maybe just the time to enjoy it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing and exploring these characters. I have a terribly angsty idea about the continuation of this story, so we'll see what happens. ;-)


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